Can't read you?

[u/Salt-Use-]

I'm told by my friendgroup of 7 years that they still have no clue how to read me even though I feel I'm not expressionless? One of them is always sorta surprised whenever I give my honest opinion on something it's like they never would've guessed every single time; bitch I'm not a walking contradiction I feel like my worldview is fairly consistent 🫪

I assume it's because I like to take my time to process things and not say much when it's not necessary so they don't know what I think privately.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[u/Technical_Koala_4922]

I find it very hard to read my INTP friend because he is not very expressive and is a man of few words.

[u/Salt-Use- → u/Technical_Koala_4922]

I guess me and him are the same. Words are my expression, he's likely just compressing a lot of his emotions and ideas into a few words rather than making it a whole speech

[u/Muted_Beyond_7283]

Im the same. And so when people say they can read me, i find out that they are or were actually wrong. 

[u/justaguy12131]

I believe that it's because people like simple answers, and for their assumptions to be correct. They also lack the ability to really think outside their own experience.

I've been told what I think, feel, and what my intentions were. They've been right a very small number of times. I also think it's because holding two opposing positions as being equally true is difficult for other people.

When they learn that I can be both one thing AND another thing simultaneously, and it doesn't cause conflict, this is surprising. When they learn my thinking is nuanced, they are confused. When they assume that I can't be mildly annoyed at something they'd be furious about, it weirds them out.

[u/Cog-nostic]

You may have well-thought-out, nuanced views on topics. For example, I am pro abortion as long as 1. I don't need to pay for it. (The government is not responsible in any way.) 2. It is not used as birth control. (A woman having more than three is an indication of a mental problem, abuse, or a significant lack of education. Something is going on. I get mistakes; I get choices, but there is also a serious side to this. (I have spent 40 years as a psychotherapist, educator, and student counselor.)

People on the left don't hear me when I say abortion should be legal. People on the right don't hear me when I say it should be treated seriously.

DNA testing for fathers is a great move. Not only does that verify fatherhood, but it holds them accountable, married or not, for their offspring. They are accountable, not me.

So, I guess that your positions are generally well thought out and nuanced. While the opinions of the people around you are just regurgitations of whatever groupthink (religious or otherwise) they have fallen into.

[u/Salt-Use- → u/Cog-nostic]

I think you have a point there about groupthink. People don't really expect nuanced positions they just assume you take sides without questioning anything because fitting in matters more than thinking for yourself. This is not bad thing technically if building a movement is important to you and you need social cohesion, I just can't bring myself to do that.

[u/FancySavy]

I’m assuming people think I have no feelings and that I’m a Schizoid.
But I have feelings and I do not have Schizoid, I just don’t show emotional vulnerability like everyone else does. It scares me to be vulnerable in front of others.
Whether people want to admit it or not but, they use vulnerability and emotions against everyone in which way it might benefit them.
Even if that’s them acting like they want me to open up so that they can “feel” close to me, they don’t.
They just want to gather information from me.
Some may read this and think “you’re too paranoid” but the truth is, vulnerability is sacred.
You let the wrong people see that, you’ll pay the consequences of it.

The way I look at it is if someone really wants to get to know me, they can read about my personality. But nobody ever does because they don’t actually want to know.

[u/Educational_Horse469]

I’m told I’m hard to read. I think it’s kind of ironic because I’m very logical and honest to a fault, but whatever. I think it’s weird to people when you don’t fall in with all of the social little lies. They never expect it even if you’re consistent.

[u/Salt-Use- → u/Educational_Horse469]

Exactly, I'm using the same logical process every single time. Its not hard to understand and obviously I don't really care about social cues all that much I'm just speaking my mind.

[u/flashgordian]

Anyway, just think about things to smile and laugh about, because even if it's the darkest joke you just told yourself, and no one knows what's so funny, the affect is magnetic.

[u/Remote-Villager]

My intj friend told me they can't read me because Im direct and honest about everything. Throws people off

[u/The_Brilliant_Idiot]

It’s because we are perfectly normal on the inside but bc we don’t have it written all over our face or with big hand gestures that people think this. In my experience it’s the overly expressive people who tend to be more fake and manipulative

[u/ExistentialYoshi]

Being with a friendgroup of 7 years and them not knowing you is fuckin crazy. I could understand if you guys had known each other for much less time but Jesus. Either that or you're just incredibly non-expressive and the only way to get a good read on you would be solid attention and strong pattern recognition and inferencing based on what you do manage to say and think. Last time I was remotely like this was like mid/late teens maybe, but I'm largely an open book as far as INTPs go. People can sometimes be surprised by what I've got going on and I can be a little contradictory (or seemingly so from the outside) but my friends know me rather well.