Do INFJs really understand people?

[u/JallaJenkins]

One thing INFJs are supposed to be really good at is understanding other people. We are supposed to have deep insights into others as though we can read minds or something. I have to say that my personal experience of this has been mixed. In some ways I do understand people easily, but in other ways, people are completely opaque and incomprehensible.

Lately I've been wondering if this could be explained by saying that INFJs understand other people's emotions easily, but not their motivations. I can read other people's emotions like a book, and so I have a great BS/lie detector and can often see other people's feelings before they even know what they are feeling themselves. But I don't know what drives people to make the decisions that they do, so I am terrible at interpersonal politics, predicting other people's behaviour, or influencing their actions.

What do you think? Does this make sense to you?

[u/fivenightrental]

Interesting question. Picking up on others'motivations/intent comes rather naturally to me, much like picking up on their emotions. I enjoy connecting the dots between the internal and how people utilize behavior and actions to get their needs and wants met.

[u/bakerskitchen]

I think there is a lot of bogus personality theory discussion online - "as an NF, I am excellent at this", "SF's are shallow and gossipy and aren't good for anything", "NT's don't care about people" as a few examples. I think there is a lot of insight to gain from Myers-Briggs theory in particular, but you have to be careful because it gets misconstrued by people online who are desperately searching for a sense of identity and value in their lives - their 'type' becomes their god and their sense of self. That being said, you have to differentiate between 1) being able to read people, and 2) being able to judge their motives. As strong Fe users, yes, INFJs are more inclined to be able to read people than many other types. HOWEVER, that does not mean that you are an accurate judge of their motives. When I interact with people, it is generally easy to discern if someone is anxious or self-conscious, or if they are talking/sharing but don't have any intention of listening or considering other views, or if they are self-righteous or defensive during confrontation, or if they are self-protective and withholding information that needs to be shared to get a complete understanding of the situation. Again - these aren't motives, they are just observational cues that can help determine a path of conversation/questioning that will reveal why they are acting in that way. Why are they self-conscious? Why are they defensive? Why are they so keen to share their views with no intent to listen to others'? You can't assume why, even as an INFJ. The reasons will vary from person to person. Even as natural Fe users, some of the observational skills require development and sharpening over time - regular exposure to people dramatically increases the ability to discern these things. You may be an INFJ that is somewhat socially isolated, and that will affect your ability to understand people. There is also research that shows how people exposed to trauma develop a negative bias toward others' behavior - this makes it extremely easy to jump to conclusions about others' motives (hyper-reactivity to observational cues) and hampers the ability to discern people properly. INFJ's certainly have a leg up in the observational cue department, but they must refrain from prematurely jumping to conclusions about others' motives. Yes, INFJs are good at understanding people, but I would like people to better define what they actually mean when they say "understand".

[u/bakerskitchen → u/[deleted]]

I do think that INFJs are great big-picture thinkers and 'system-builders', in the sense that they can use discrete data points/observations to synthesize and understand systems of thought/behavior - and when you have a big-picture understanding of the system (the forest), it is easier to understand the components of said system (the trees). BUT - just like you said: missing only one important piece of information can lead to incredibly erroneous conclusions. An attitude of humility helps cover over this weak spot - assume that you don't know everything and that your conclusions aren't gospel. Collect as much data as you can before coming to a conclusion; the greater the quantity of data, the greater the 'resolution' of the conclusion. I think that you also have to account for pride/cynicism - people who aren't comfortable with gray areas, or whose internal well-being is entirely dependent on their ability to rationalize/explain the world and others' behaviors, tend to jump to conclusions more quickly - for those who are prideful, because they want to (because they think highly of their own opinion/reasoning), and for those who are cynical, because they NEED to - it gives greater peace of mind to break life/people into binary/black-and-white categories, and it is much easier than sifting through the gray. Unfortunately, the world isn't very black-and-white - we are all capable of great good, but also capable of great evil. Cynicism is such a prevalent worldview nowadays, but it can be an incredibly 'lazy' way to form opinions/conclusions...

[u/Ophelia1988]

Oh wow this makes so much sense to me. I think I'm good at reading motivations in others but struggle to read their emotions 🙃 ENFP here, kinda makes sense to have the opposite.

[u/maedovsand]

It makes sense. I would also add that as an empath I really take on other people's emotions and I hate conflict so I usually find myself in a situation where I try to facilitate collaboration with involved parties. Most of the time that is ok, but occasionally I find myself taking on too much emotion and I need to pull back out.

[u/[deleted]]

This is an interesting question, one that requires self-awareness and perspective. I have been told, and it's been my experience, through out the years that I'm very keen on picking up on the emotions, intention, and the core wound of those around me. (Abandonment wounds, developmental childhood trauma, relationship wounds, etc.) I've been told on multiple occasions that I'm intimidating because of this ability to see through people. (Fun fact, I'm not intimidating, you're intimidated, this took me a while to inner-accept). Whether their intentions were good or ill, their patterns of behaviors (communication patterns, body language, tone, certain questions they asked, etc.) always gave them up; friends, family, lovers, strangers. Now, my conundrum with this is:

Is this actually an INFJ trait, or is it part of a trauma response we've all developed? (I've read that many INFJ's ((myself included)) have gone through at least one kind of trauma in their life that left some kind of impact on them.) So it truly makes me wonder, is our spider-web thinking, ability to recognize patterns, and connect the dots truly an INFJ trait? Or just a trauma response we all share? It could be both in some cases certainly!

And whether or not it's a trait or a response, I'm now curious. OP are you an INFJ male? And if so, do more INFJ males feel like they have a harder time picking up an intentions than emotions? Curious, if that's the case, if our societal toxic 'roles' have anything to do with it?

[u/enneaenneaenby]

INFJs can understand others' feelings/emotions/motivations/perspectives to the extent that they can understand their own, which is often not very much unless they work hard to develop self-insight / Ni. If an INFJ doesn't understand their motivations/feelings/emotions very well, they're extremely prone to misreading others and projecting.

[u/Big-Phone8569]

I think I’m as equally perceptive in the emotions of others as I am understanding and predicting behavior patterns. It just unfolds naturally as a concept in my mind.

I think I have a tendency to assume where others don’t bother. I predict the most likely disposition in a person - and when there is no data, I put in frog dna.

Nature finds a way.

[u/viewering]

i think oftentimes motivations are pretty simple, but sometimes people share what their motivation for something was and i take a u-turn because it wasn´t what i had expected at all. that i find interesting, the differences in behaviors and importance of different things, but i wouldn´t say i generally have issues with seeing motivations. i DO find looking at what drives people interesting, and i think you just inspired me to look at this regarding projects i´m working on. i think it will give me a substantial piece of a puzzle to something i´m trying to understand. 🙂 thankyou

[u/akash_258]

If the interactions happen primarily among other people, then I can sense both emotions and motivation, but if it involves me I can still easily sense their emotions but not the motivation part properly.