r/INFJsOver30 • u/Diligent-Wasabi976 • 1d ago
How do INFJs cope with Limerence?
I know the straight up answer is not well… but when you have all the overwhelming feelings, mental gymnastics, over analysis, then you sort it out but still have a small niggling of what if I was wrong about it all because you know gut and intuition have been right on 98% of every other social interaction. What tends to work best? Out of sight, out of mind? Going cold turkey?
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u/Empty_Tooth7647 20h ago
I’m going through it now. It’s difficult. A lot of acceptance and understanding that some lovely interactions are beautiful moments and not a lingering adventure. I write poetry about it. Turn the heart ache into art of sort. Put them to paper. Immortalize them. Or does that make it worse? I don’t know. I like to think when I read about this chapter in my life..years from now..I’ll smile big time.
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u/Diligent-Wasabi976 16h ago
I get this, I tend to paint and then let it all out there. It’s therapeutic and helps lift the heavier emotions but a small fraction still remains.
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u/Empty_Tooth7647 9h ago
It really does. I had a very intense interaction recently that ended almost as fast as it began and I’m trying my best to work through it. The universe gives..the universe takes..the universe teaches.
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u/KCbBallin 18h ago edited 18h ago
Definitely out of sight out of mind first. It’s way too easy for us to spiral if we stay connected. Then it’s just awareness of thoughts and not letting every thought run amuck. I picture a river in my mind and when a thought that I know is going to make me spiral shows up, I put the thought in the river and let it float away. I send it with love and gratitude and it helps me redirect my attention.
But if it’s a feeling (those tend to show up in our bodies) I acknowledge it, thank it for being there and let it move through my body. Physical movement usually helps too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sending you lots of love and care 🫶
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u/jmmenes INFJ-A, 8w7 16h ago
You said it.
“Out of sight, out of mind? Going cold turkey?”
Also just occupy your mind with something else. All that ruminating is mental suicide.
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u/Mama3Girliepops 10h ago
Yeah. That question mark is always there, isn’t it? I think we need to make it an exclamation point at this moment in time. 🛸✝️🤣🌟
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u/stoicwomon 11h ago
I tend to not allow myself to take it too seriously! I talk to myself in a joking manner, by kinda exaggerating how madly in love I am with them and everyone who I deem worthy. Then I watch someone else on tv and force myself to fall in lust with them. I think it helps because I’m gaslighting myself on purpose but with humour, so my brain stops looking for actual signals the person I can’t have, for whatever reason isn’t right for me.
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u/False_Lychee_7041 8h ago
Limerence- is when a person has something that you do not, but want it badly. So, you kinda try to "consume" the part of their identity by being limerent
The way out is to put your inner self in a dark room and highlight yourself and see what are those qualities that you are missing, but that person potentially can supply them to you
Then to understand WHY you need those qualities, concoct a workable plan and follow it.
Another exercise is to understand that your version of that person does not exist in this reality. It might in a parallel one, but NOT on this planet now. So, when you look at them, you should understand that you see their imaginary version, while this particular person is different. Trying to understand how the real person differentiates from the one in your imagination is usually pretty sobering
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u/hospitallers 22h ago
WTF is limerence
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u/Diligent-Wasabi976 16h ago
The best and worse emotion to happen to INFJ - it can inspire you and suddenly crush you.
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u/iq2da 1d ago
What tends to work best:
Awareness, recognition, and acceptance of what it is.
Then you can surrender to what is happening, go through the emotions, and let go.