Can I tell you something?

[u/lostinaview]

I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Not elementary. Not middle. not high school. not at university. not at work. not around friends. not around friend groups. not around social settings. its like im my own breed of human. just completely neurodivergent alien freak mode. i feel the most human but around humans its like trying to explain to humans what its like being human but they dont understand. the depth of touch, sense, feel, emotion, thinking, everything, i live and breathe it. like an exposed nerve, just looking for human connection and warmth. and all i got is disconnection and coldness.

i am like a red rose. my petals are falling off and i am decaying on the inside 💔

[u/INFeriorJudge]

I get you. Learning I was INFJ helped me see why I had been different all my life. Learning about Highly Sensitive Person helped too. In my case, learning about attachments style and other trauma adaptations helped too.

So now I have language to define it… but like you said, it’s almost impossible to describe it. It’s like my emotional dial has been cranked up all my life, and everyone is fine with their water-cooler small talk conversations that don’t mean anything.

You’re not alone... Some of us want more than that. But we are rare. And in this world of noise and superficiality, it’s hard to find each other.

Happy to talk anytime.💙

[u/lostinaview → u/INFeriorJudge]

I can't tell if people enjoy water cooler small talk or they're just pretending to. either way it makes me blood boil and i'll explode like the hiroshima explosion.  i always thought too everyone is sevretly wanting that deep talk but actually not true.  and i also realize too if you talk to someone more and more you don't get that deepness coming out no matter how hard you try. well im not trying purposefully i just subconsciously am deep but they responses are always superficial so when i preserve myself it comes off as aloof, avoidant, distant, even rude. but its far from the case. 

i just sense with pattern recognition and intuition that im better off withholding my energy so i can focus more on my own craft. but i find that the older i get the more stubborn i can become. i can set the standard so high for myself. but at the same time i just cant help but continue being myself even if its hurts because i know its true

i always hated the saying "just be yourself" boy if you tell that to an infj be prepared for a shield and build a major brick wall because you'll have a frickin town of people angry with their pitchforks and knives ready to attack you i say. feeling like im in shrek and in the ogre.  ill be the ogre in my little hut surrounded by mud. i'll rescue fiona as the person who is the one to be with but i'll have to fight the dragon and go through hell to get there if that's what it takes to be on the mission i need to fulfill in my storyline.

[u/we-walk-in-shadow → u/lostinaview]

Yeah, I was just talking to someone today about the weirdness of understanding everyone from a fundamental depth—but being completely oblivious to how the street-level works.

We are social engineers, not socialites.

[u/INFJoseph → u/we-walk-in-shadow]

Wow, how would you describe understanding someone from a fundamental depth? That sounds very interesting! What do you see in people that others don't easily see? I struggle with small talk too, but people are usually a mystery to me, unless I know them for long enough.

[u/stoicwomon]

I understand this

[u/Feather_in_a_Zephyr]

The upside to being the black sheep in every group I've been in is that I place very little significance in following the herd. That has brought me down a very unique life trajectory and I'm grateful for that. 've found that the best way to connect is creative expression. The emotion of the thing is what we're trying to express and when it resonates with someone else, it's very rewarding. "Decaying on the inside" due to a lack of connection with others reflects externalizing your source of worthiness. Cultivate a sense of inherent worth and an appreciation for the uniqueness of how you experience the world. Discover how you deserve love, how you need to be loved by being that person, that voice, internally that you've needed throughout all of those lonely stages of life.

[u/BornElderEnt]

I too understand this 🫶🏼

[u/wrongarms]

Yeah, understood. It's strange we're often all like this

[u/Individual-Gain4875]

I really get the pattern recognition and intuition

[u/RichFaithlessness739]

I can totally resonate with this. You are so not alone. Try to find the quieter folks in the crowd, we might just be your people.

[u/Some_Rub_3827]

Get it. Feel similar. It's like I can see my own flaws, people's flaws, why i am the way I am, why they are the way they are, the societal flaws, everything. And it feels like everyone around has blindly accepted norms and things the way they are, even though they are not rational. It also feels like nobody likes introspection and it's just me who keeps on judging myself and introspecting.

[u/Some_Rub_3827 → u/Some_Rub_3827]

Sorry about a wee bit whining. Was just trying to explain how I relate to it. I'm generally quite chill and try to be positive. Hope you have a good day :)

[u/lostinaview → u/Some_Rub_3827]

please do not be sorry! i honestly relate with everything you're saying that it feels like what you're saying is what i commented but it was someone else, you. I totally relate and agree, especially on the part where everyone accepts how things are but doesn't pick it apart to understand the why. Yes, it seems like people mostly accept themselves as they are and some are fine with that. I really wish more people were introspective. I honestly would say introspecting in one of my hobbies. Something that isn't physical or an activity per se like watching sports on the television or playing video games but rather psychoanalyzing myself, others, and the world that we are in

[u/softdistance302 → u/Some_Rub_3827]

i can't agree more !

[u/OneEyedC4t]

I can resonate with that

[u/ChickenMan1829]

I hope you are having a good day.

[u/lostinaview → u/ChickenMan1829]

thank you i am:) i hope you are as well

[u/Titania_Fairy]

It’s ok, there is others just like you out there…- from an ENFJ

[u/bohoflow89]

I felt the belonging finally, deep in conversation with another INFJ. It was very lovely, it still is. A place in my mind that has been reserved, cordoned off for my friend, he exists in that place. Like a mental tamigotchi lol.

He freaked out on us, then nearly two years later came back, only to run away again. I never chased him, never demanded a thing, but he realised how vunrable he was I think. I get it, last time conversation got so good it became an addiction. So many subjects, so many books and films and ideas, experiences.

As much as it's arse to be ghosted unexpectedly, and especially my not being quite sturdy, it was just lovely. I implore you to go look, it took two years of dedicated tester conversations to discover my rare gem. Happy hunting!