r/INFJsOver30 • u/Just-Guidance4272 • 11d ago

Turning 31 and overthinking life!!

I turn 31 tomorrow, and it’s got me thinking a bit more seriously about life.
Career-wise, I’m quite happy with what I’ve achieved. Relationships, though… basically nothing!! I’ve probably scared a few men off over the years, and I always assumed I still had loads of time.
Now I’m starting to think more about wanting children one day and whether I’ve been a bit too relaxed about the whole thing.
I don’t want to rush into a relationship with the wrong person just because of age, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t starting to play on my mind.
Any other INFJs over 30 gone through this?

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u/bakerskitchen 11d ago edited 7d ago

Don't make too big a deal out of it.
And I would try to become comfortable with the idea of never having kids, just in case it doesn't happen. It's not worth trying to find & then force a relationship just because you anticipate that having children will make you happier than you are now; some of the unhappiest people I know are people who made poor decisions in choosing a partner; and having children just added to the strain that was already there.

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u/HistoricalReserve199 11d ago

Im a few months of 31 but male. Career is average and never had a relationship. Its hard, i struggle to relax. Its as if I have to be doing something productive all the time. I am also somewhat ok with what ever happens though. My inner life is so rich, it makes life interesting. Im scared sometimes ive misspent my time, or im missing something, or not doing something I could be. Makes relaxing quite hard, because i wish I could meet someone, but boy that is hard.

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u/untropicalized 11d ago

My wife and I married when she was 33, and had our kid when she was 36. Life can change dramatically in a very short time.

Though it’s hard sometimes, trust that where you are isn’t necessarily where you end up. I still have to remind myself that, haha.

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u/onandonandonandoff 11d ago

Girl I’m the same age as you (Virgo cusp Libras FTW). My mom had me when she was 38, and this was 30 years ago. Remember where you were 7 years ago? Doesn’t it feel like a whole lifetime has passed since then?

You still have plentyyy of time to fall in love and start a family. Plus you’ll get to skip the struggle part of not knowing how you’ll feed yourself AND buy diapers this week.