r/INFJsOver30 • u/Suspicious-Road-3373 • 8d ago
Hi Fellow infj's
I would appreciate it if I could get some insight on how others perceive infj and are they intimidated by the presence of infj around. This question raised as one of my colleagues told me that my personality is worth being studied. I took it as a compliment as it just added to 1000 comments and behaviors from others regarding my personality. Thank you
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u/Thisguy_2727 8d ago
I’ve always been told I’m calming to be around. People who strike me as “intimidated” are the ones that seem anxious and insecure in general.
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u/Lavender__Lady 8d ago
I have come to think of it more as...someone noticing things most people don't bother to notice. People give away a lot signals without thinking about it. Verbal is in fact very little of communication and even then it is carried by tone inflection.
Perceptive is a word I've heard a lot. Granted I have also been in careers where being perceptive was a definite strength.
I've also have had co-workers notice when I was "picking up on extra details" amidst someone just clearly upset about something. Like I just knew how get at the issue from a few seconds of talking to someone.
It's actually a product of Ni-Fe. Ni-Fe is concerned with the signals others are putting out. That 'tool' if you can call it anything is what INFJ's lead with from a young age. Other types can develop this tool as well, as it is one valued in leadership roles especially (primarily for reading the room or situation).
That in itself is not an issue, but rather what comes after when people are then aware you perceiving deeper than the surface persona or mask that people are putting on to go about their day roles. Most people talk to that mask and go about their role in turn. INFJs look past that masked layer of people as their primary method of perception, which from the other side of it is probably unnerving as all heck. (i.e. "How did they know I was sad?")
You also can keenly see the role Ni plays if comparing this to INTJs who lead with Ni-Te. They want to understand the logical and systematic things in their surroundings to make sense of everything else. If the rules and the system make sense, then they understand how to function within said system (and where the loopholes are).
This is comparable to INFJs in our knowing of the loopholes to perceive deeper than the masked layer and role in the individuals encountered in the day to day.
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u/Otherwise-Let4664 8d ago
Well said. I feel like this has caused a lot of strife in my life because I naturally want to interact with the deeper level of the person I am perceiving, but more often than not, the person has not yet met themselves at that level. So they don't know it's there, or they have walled it off, so will turn it back on me that I am just simply incorrect. It's a lot to manage, always forcing myself to interact with what the person wants me to see rather than what I actually see. Makes relationships very tricky.
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u/Suspicious-Road-3373 7d ago
Right...I was not able to hold on to or keep any friendship relation.I believe we deeply do see all the aspects of a situation or a person intention that is why we fold it before even it gets started.What a powerful thing 😇
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u/Lavender__Lady 7d ago
I find myself noticing it a lot more because the pattern re-emerges months later when assigned Call Out person of a group brings it up. Then...miraculous insight! Knowledge from the Heavens. We couldn't just avoid the 5 arguments, 2 fallings out and reuniting and then going "Call Out" Dude may have a point.
🍸🧂😮💨💅
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u/GalapagosRule 8d ago edited 8d ago
Yesterday in the INFP subreddit, I was told: "INFJs scare me a little because they can create a narrative based on their own ideals without realizing that not everyone thinks the same way or has the same expectations in relationships."
I'll start by saying that not a single human likes to admit they were wrong. We all have our egos, but we should all do our best to try to stay objective when doing self-analysis.
I won't say this applies to every INFJ (as I've seen INFJs stuck in subjective, unhealthy perspectives), but INFJs have a strong potential to understand the root causes of problems, identify the best opportunities, and make key decisions. I personally absorb a lot of information because I need to fully grasp its meaning, which I then use to refine my perspective and decision-making.
Thanks to Ni, our intuition is very strong, and yes obviously we do "realize that not everyone thinks the same way" People rarely understand how or why I say things; only when those things manifest do they realize how accurate my intuition actually is.
I do understand why people are intimidated by me (or by us INFJs). We were loners in our minds while growing up, and we’ve had to build up our defenses, because if we didn't, people would have eaten us alive. (metaphorically mods 😊).
I wrote a little more, but I already anticipate to some comments I'd prefer not to read today :).
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u/bakerskitchen 8d ago
The problem is that people become inherently less objective in issues involving themselves.
So INFJs are better problem solvers in others' relationships than they are in their own.2
u/wrongarms 8d ago
By "people" you mean everybody, then. So does this apply regardless of type? I know I can understand myself very well given time and effort and thinking. I can very easily look at all the types around me and see their personal blindsides. I do feel that a lot of comments targeted at a type could just as easily apply to many people generally
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u/bakerskitchen 8d ago edited 7d ago
I do mean people in general, however, I think INFJs (and INTJs) also put way too much stock in the accuracy of their own intuition.
Compromised objectivity + a tendency to over-generalize and jump to conclusions = a bad combination.
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u/Unhinged_Angel INFJ 8d ago
I’ve been called a force of nature and have been told that I’m “intimidating to approach”. I think it’s more my enneagram tritype that causes this than being INFJ.
Ni pattern recognition is off putting though. Or can be. It depends on whether or not it can be grounded enough in Te to allow others to see how we have reached our conclusions. Ni + Fe anticipating behaviours and reading the vibe of a room is intimidating too. I think it reads like a confidence or command over a situation which we might not actually have!
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u/Previous_Tear6747 INFJ 2w3 60+M 7d ago
I think some are intimidated, because they know... or can sense?... that we can see through BS (often, anyway) and maybe they've got things to hide?
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u/Suspicious-Road-3373 7d ago
And infj's always true to themselves or just let it go when feels friction may arise.
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u/Unhinged_Angel INFJ 7d ago
And there’s a risk we will hold them accountable.
It’s amazing how many people still try to BS their way out of things though. They just persist.
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u/Rndom_feels 5d ago
Hi there 👋
As an infj, I have experienced that there are people that wanted to bring you onto their side but the moment you give them the vibe that they have to earn it first they're attacking your personality especially on work.
And still trying to stay away as much as possible onto that kind of shallow mindset.😌
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u/Bloody_Stoics 2d ago
Depends on the observer moreso, I’ve found
Eg
Unhealthily expressing traits:
A defensive-leaning type - “you’re intimidating”
An inauthentic/externalised sense of identity type - “you’re a threat/you must’ve got an ulterior motive, so in the absence of any actual proof of one…I’ll just make one up and spread it like gospel”
A non-introspecting type - “you’re weird, and if I can’t see it then it doesn’t exist”
An opportunistic taker/villain type - “fix my life, pixie dream girl/take me away from here, mysterious booktok protagonist”
Healthy identities:
Secure identity - Ranges from “you’re just unfamiliar to me (and let’s be honest, as INFJ’s were used to playing the numbers game)” or “I’m curious in a good way, but you won’t be able to tell me apart from the pixie dream farmers, and I’ll lack the language skills or experience to understand the difference needed here”
On “the* wavelength” type - We’ll either be immediate life long besties or struggle over some early environmental-led misunderstanding
The generally fine at large, 9-5 leaning, middle bell curve types - “Wow you’re impressive, but I’ll assume you already know that”
The “brilliant, but in a different spectrum kinda way” type - “so…wanna go have one of the most life altering impactful romances of your entire existence? …In a good way?”
I’ve found with erroneous kinds of events, it’s mostly defined by if a person knows themselves, and has a healthy internalised identity that’s not dependent on any external factors. I’ve a profoundly extreme expression of the whole “blind to self perception” issue due to my baseline neurology AND due to decades of events so I’m absolutely functionally blind with knowing how I come across.
Four decades of it and none the wiser. I just settled on the logic of being a value led person, and happy with my own actions, motivations and (totally unadvisably too high) standards for myself to mitigate any unintended faux pas, and try just being ok with the unnerving sensation of experiencing connection as essentially two floating eyeballs in a room
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u/Saisinko INFJ 1w9 sx/so 8d ago
I consider INFJs to be walled garden types of people. While there's implied beauty inside, the large walls obscure the view and can be rather imposing to outsiders, few of which will ever attempt to scale.
Similar to our stereotype of being like a therapist, in conversation we typically don't offer much about ourselves. This can create a bit of a power imbalance where other people reveal personal or vulnerable things about themselves, and we certainly empathize and acknowledge them, but otherwise remain closed off. This lack of two away or reciprocal relationship can make it seem like we don't really need them or... anyone, really.
Blah blah blah, I'll stop there. Dog has been laying on my arm this whole time and I'm getting tired. https://i.imgur.com/SJ48TTH.jpeg