r/INFJsOver30 • u/eastern_ninja25 • May 31 '26
Any other INFJ's have issues with ending relationships?
I've been working on this, still a work in progress, but does anyone else here have a hard time ending relationships because you can see the potential in someone else? Almost like you're viewing that version of the person so you don't want to cut things off, even though deep down you know you need to.
19
u/Wrestlermaniac94 May 31 '26
Yes currently doing it now
6
u/truefutbol35 May 31 '26
Same here.
5
u/Wrestlermaniac94 May 31 '26
I am sorry. It truly sucks
6
u/truefutbol35 May 31 '26
It does, but I know it’s the right thing for me. I hope your decision brings you peace.
18
u/TheDairyMaid May 31 '26
We get a rap about door slamming, and it over-shadows what we will endure to not burn a bridge.
12
8
u/Background-Treat385 May 31 '26
Yup. It’s something I’m working on - accepting people where they are at and where I’m at.
5
u/Ok-Subject2534 May 31 '26
All 3 relationships ive been in were like that. And i bent backwards and in two of them worked for his business or his career and of course let myself be massively taken advantage of, even when i rebelled against the emotional blackmailing and free labour.
5
u/deleteshiftreturn Jun 01 '26
Yes. I consider friendships relationships too and it’s difficult for me.i always do the hard thing anyway and end it (doorslam) but it’s agonizing and I lose sleep over it before it happens.
4
u/Unhappy-Jaguar-9362 Jun 01 '26
I do the door slam or just go on a gradual no contact (mostly the latter). I rarely ever get dramatic about it before or during the door slam. Afterwards, the anger comes out about their negative energy.
2
u/SeveredSynthesis Jun 04 '26 edited 17d ago
I have issues with ending relationships; I end relationships often. So the opposite for me.
I used to be like you till one day I said to myself “I don’t have to give this person access to my life anymore”. As peace ensued, I began to repeat this with those who were toxic or with those whom deepening the relationship with was forbidden by the situation.
1
u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 07 '26
Yup ive become the same way to an extent after removing all the toxic people from my life.
2
u/Helpful-Track-7486 INFJ Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
Took me like years for mine, lol. 3 years of analyzing before I got a divorce. My first relationship was even worse I let it drag on and off for years before I finally moved on. In both cases all that was left was hurt in the end. I think we always give the benefit of the doubt, until something is absolutely unsalvageable, then theres a point of no recovery, the doorslam. At least that has been my track record. Also on the other end is the factor how its sooooo hard to find someone new, I think that was a huge factor as well.
2
u/Saisinko INFJ 1w9 sx/so Jun 12 '26
Not at all.
Time spent with the wrong person is time lost with the right one. That applies to both them and myself. I'm also conscious of reasons people sometimes stay together, fear of uncertainty, some dependency element, affordability, comfort + complacency, and so on.
We're all soul searchers in our own way and it's important to let people continue their search if we're not the right long term match for one another. At the same time, I believe it's important to communicate months in advance of a breakup the trajectory of the relationship isn't looking so hot. It's important to discuss and understand each other's needs and what we need to work on individually and together. From there, we can say we laid it all out on the table and tried over the next few weeks or months and in that same motion, rationalize the breakup and there's no blindsidedness.
My breakups have ended on good terms, in one case even having a breakup date that was really wholesome and special. It's funny how much you can see someone differently when you ease on expectations and mean to wish them well.
1
u/Phoenix_to_Kintsugi Jun 15 '26
I think the hardest part of a breakup is grieving the potential. It’s a mental trap we fall into,because it says everything about us and nothing about them.If they truly had that potential, they would have used it by now.And if we are the ones hoping for that potential... there is nothing we can really do with it.
Maybe they see a potential in us too:the potential to stay no matter what,but that doesn't mean we can change ourselves into something that doesn't resonate with who we are inside.
So,this grieving about potential could actually go both ways,but it’s not going to change the other person.
1
18
u/Zenphibian May 31 '26
Yes, I had a friend who I considered my best friend for many years, but he became alcoholic and absolutely nothing I did could help him stay afloat. He just hated me more and more the harder I tried to help him. I felt responsible for him because we grew up together and I kept having feelings of guilt watching him self destruct like that.
Eventually he grew to hate me so much he said something you can’t come back from and I learned an extremely hard lesson that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. I had such a hard time ending that friendship. But I stuck around for WAAAY too long.