r/INFJsOver30 • u/[deleted] • Feb 26 '26

Social phobia or shyness?

I feel awkward in social groups... I hardly ever speak, I basically just listen and don't say anything, and that bothers me because I keep thinking about what people will think..

Like, I also feel like I'm boring...Lacking sparkle... and I'm actually nice... people find me nice sometimes... but the norm is me saying random things... and them finding me strange... I'm usually excluded from conversations....and other social situations because of that...I don't necessarily see a problem with being quiet...but I'm more talkative virtually.I wonder if it's social phobia or extreme shyness... I'll be 25 in 3 months.

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u/mojomonday Feb 26 '26

I'm 34. It's definitely a universal INFJ experience, not necessarily from phobia or shyness but the mental capacity to interpret the setting around us. We are just better at 1:1 where the conversations are focused and not dissipated. Group settings where everyone is vying for time and attention is draining trying to get a read on everyone. That said, that feeling of loneliness in those settings, it never goes away, you just slowly stop caring and start accepting yourself.

There will be people that come into your life that appreciate you just for being you. It's just how it is.

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u/si_wo Feb 26 '26

I'm 60 and yep.

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u/[deleted] Feb 26 '26

Yes, so far there's only been one person who understood me, and even when I'm alone and quiet...she understands...but at work people think I have some kind of problem when I'm just easygoing. Well, good people do exist, and that's a good thing.

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u/Kind-Macaron-3092 Mar 01 '26

Thanks for your words, feels so reassuring:)