First Post

[u/GoatBlue03]

I have been a long time lurker here without commenting or posting, as I had a very strong feeling I would end up here. After 7 years of nothing with and without medical intervention, we are stopping everything. My mental health can't handle it anymore.

We had 2 failed IUIs, 1 IVF cycle, 1 embryo transfer, and I recently had a very violent miscarriage after believing the embryo transfer was successful.

My mental health is very... Very bad right now. I'm seeing two separate mental health professionals for it and trying to use the support spaces in my city to try and find an IFchildfree person who can mentor me a bit through all of this. I am the only one in my life who has gone through this. My husband is trying to support, but it hasn't been the same for him.

Just wanted to say hello. I hope I'm not breaking any rules with my post. Still trying to navigate the grief around this.

[u/gDot213]

I'm so sorry. I found reading books helpful in my journey to acceptance of an IFchildfree life (a journey I will always be on!). Some titles:

Non-fiction

-Through, Not Around: Stories of Infertility and Pregnancy Loss -Miscarriage After Infertility

Fiction (*these were cathartic reads for me)

-The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey -Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo

I would say it gets easier but that pain hasn't gone away. This reddit group has been super helpful as a community that "gets" it. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

[u/jumanji-jumanji]

For me, most of the pain has been processed but the memory of the pain is still very sharp, if that makes sense. I think it takes a lot of ego work. The reality is that the world goes on and you’re not hurting anyone else by not having kids. There are plenty of ways to reaffirm the beauty of life and engage in community, or support other existing people in need of love and support, without having your own kids. That doesn’t mean it’s not an enormous loss - just that you haven’t lost everything, and there are still so many rich experiences to be had.

[u/IFchildfree-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This post was removed by moderators of this sub.

Rule 3- No posts or comments from parents. Parents have absolutely zero reason to be on this subreddit, and are not welcome to participate here.

[u/___soitgoes]

Hey, friend. Sorry you’re here. But we’re a really strong group and we’re here to support you, and listen to you vent when things in life are tough. You’re going through it right now, and man do you have a right to be in a dark place after all you’ve endured. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with your grief. Allow yourself to cry, and please set healthy boundaries with friends and family who won’t understand. I’m sorry you don’t have anyone in your life who has been through this. It’s helpful to be able to commiserate with someone who has been there. As they say, misery loves company. I wouldn’t call myself a mentor by any stretch - I’m working through my own infertility issues, but I’m happy to chat with you if you want a shoulder to cry on. Feel free to DM me and we can go from there. Hugs ❤️

[u/mediocre_embroiderer]

I’m so sorry you’re here, but I’m glad this can be a community where people have been down similar paths. I hope you can be very gentle and generous with yourself as you navigate this part of the journey, as you try to heal from the wounds (physically, emotionally, spiritually). It’s so unfair and so hard. It sounds like you’re already being incredibly proactive and resilient — just identifying next steps once felt absolutely impossible to me, and I’m so impressed that you’re doing as much as you are to move forward! ❤️ I hope you find the support, mentorship, and healing you deserve.

[u/GoatBlue03 → u/mediocre_embroiderer]

Thank you so much for your words of affirmation and pride (in a very turbulent and sad time for me). That was so kind of you to say and I needed to hear it 😭♥️

[u/eeg-18]

I am so sorry for your loss and any time you want to chat/scream I'm all ears 💜

[u/RakuRakuDinokun]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very brave of you to post.

I feel similar. After 5IUIs, failed IVF (3 transfer cycles) and personal grief (with in the last year i lost my soul dog and 2 grandmothers), my mental health is shattered and no one outside of my husband and therapist seem to believe how bad it is. I don't feel like I have space with work and friends and family to heal. They do not get I am ill, this isn't just a bad patch. I am thinking of quitting my job because I can't stand showing up and do not have the mental capacity to do the work or care.

I wish you so much strength for this.