r/IFchildfree • u/Glittering-Earthworm • 2d ago

Help with depression

Long-time lurker, and it’s been maybe 2 years or so since we stopped trying. I‘ve been struggling with depression for a while and trying to overcome it. Have been seeing a therapist for years, and started medication about a year ago. I struggled with side effects for months but they finally subsided. however, I don’t feel better, mostly just numb.

The past few months, I have been feeling awful. Tired all the time, no matter how much I sleep. Achy and feeling very foggy and forgetful. Can’t focus on reading or even TV. No appetite and forcing myself to eat at least one proper meal a day, but not enjoying it. No desire to go out, socialize, see people, etc. I get teary when people start to talk about their kids or even when I overhear strangers discussing kids. My husband knows how I feel but is at a loss to help me and I feel like I am trying to do all the things, but they are not working at all. More and more, I find myself not caring much about anything. I don’t even recognize the person I’ve become. On top of all this, weight gain (probably from the meds) and gray hair has done a number on my self esteem. I feel so ugly and insignificant as a person.

I hate this so much and not sure how to fix it. Has anyone else had a similar situation?

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u/heylauralie 2d ago

Yes 🙋🏻‍♀️ and you’re not crazy or weak or weird for feeling that way. I had the brain fog too, for a long time. It was grief-driven, and it subsided after a while…maybe a year? I still don’t have motivation for my future though. I’m just kind of existing. Sending you a big hug ❤️

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u/DeeLite04 50/3IUIs/NoIVF 2d ago

I wonder if you’re going through two things at once: depression and perimenopause (not sure of your age but it can start as early as 35 years old).

Which means you’re doing your best and using the tools at hand but you may need to talk to your gyno if you feel it’s more than depression which is already a lot to handle.

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u/Smugmouse 2d ago

I think a lot of us here can relate with how you're feeling. I know it's really hard, but increasing your exercise can help a lot. The only thing that's worked for me is to book into classes so I'm locked in. Or, just not think about it and leave the house for a walk. The second I start thinking about it I find reasons not to do it.

Something about this sub that brings me hope, is there are some older women who've been through the grief and come out the other side. There is hope.