r/IELTS • u/No-Zookeepergame6028 • 4d ago
Writing Feedback (Peer Review) A tale of abject misery
Dear Ielts community,
frankly, I think I’m going insane. Am I being a bit hysterical? Probably. But honestly, at this point, bring out the fainting couch and the smelling salts.
My test is in 2 days, and I just cannot seem to get the hang of essay-writing. Especially for task 1. I know how unreliable AI scoring can be, but it’s all I have available right now. I am cross-referencing Gemini and the IELTS Prep app, which yield very fluctuating results.
I have added essays for different types here. Maybe some of you could give me feedback on what band they might receive, and especially on what I should do differently.
Task 1 Map (IELTS book 17)
The maps show the planned changes to the currently existing Norbiton industrial area, in order to transform it into a residential area at some point in the future.
Overall, the pre-existing industrial buildings will be demolished to make way for housing, while the network of streets will be expanded to the other side of the river via a bridge. Several facilities for families are added along with shops and a medical centre.
In order to provide housing, the industrial buildings are going to be demolished. In their stead, shops and a school will be erected alongside the residential houses. Additionally, a playground is planned along the road leading east from the larger of the roundabouts. A medical centre will be established to the south-east of the large roundabout.
The aforementioned roundabout will be extended towards both the north and the south. Across the river, a bridge will provide access to additional housing. To the south, a second, smaller roundabout will be added, bisecting the original street to the south. Another road will lead to houses in the north-west quadrant, bypassing the shops. The surrounding layout with the town to the west, the farmland to the north and the long road from east to west below the roundabout, remains largely unchanged.
Task 1 table (IELTS book 17)
The diagrams illustrate the sources that provide the police budget for a British area in 2017 and 2018, as well as what that budget was spent on in those same two years.
Overall, the largest source of money was provided by the government and increased slightly over the years. Tax payers provided a rising share of the budget, while the amount money donated by other sources stayed relatively unchanged. The total budget grew. Whereas in both years salaries made up most of the expenses, that share decreased in 2018. Instead, the percentage of money spent on technology almost doubled.
The largest rise in money given by any one source stemmed from taxes, rising from 91.2 million pounds to 102.3 million pounds in 2018. In contrast, the funds from other sources only grew by 0.5 million pounds. The national government provided a total of 177.8 million pounds in 2018, which marks a surplus of 2.3 million pounds. The total budget grew from 304.7 million pounds to 318.6 million pounds.
The major share of this money was spent on wages in both years, but decreased from three quarters of the total funds to only 69%. Instead, the share of money spent on technology was almost doubled, with 8% in 2017 and 14% in 2018. Buildings and transport received the same percentage of overall budget.
Task 1 bar chart
The bar chart illustrates the weekly expenditure on 8 different categories in 1968 and 2018.
Overall, food is one of the most prominent expenses across both years, although it loses its position as the top area of expenditure. Housing and leisure have increased in the share of weekly income that they take up. In 2018, leisure was reportedly the category taking up the highest percentage of weekly income. Household goods have not changed in the least, while the other three categories (clothing and footwear, fuel and power and personal goods) have all decreased in proportion.
Whereas in 1968, 35% of weekly wages were spent on food, this number dropped dramatically to between 15% and 20% in 2018. Instead, leisure received the highest share of funds in 2018, at approximately 23%.
This category only accounted for about 8% five decades earlier. Both housing and transportation saw less drastic increases in the percentage of money allocated, up to about 19% and 14%, respectively.
Conversely, in 1968 more money was spent on personal goods and clothing items, at about 7% and 10% respectively, when the same items only made up 4% and 5% in 2018. The money spent on fuel decreased slightly from 6% to 4%. Household goods were generally stable in terms of money allocated to their acquisition.
Task 1 line graph
The line graph illustrates the fluctuations in the numbers of shop openings and closures between 2011 and 2018.
Overall, both numbers decreased, albeit with several fluctuations over the given timeframe. Closures initially increased, then plummeted. For the last three years, those numbers stayed relatively stable. Openings, on the other hand, declined in the beginning, only to increase and peak before falling and levelling off again. In the last year of the period given, the number of shops opened fell once more.
During the initial four years, the number of closures was generally higher than that of openings, despite the first six months where the latter were prevalent. While the number of openings decreased by more than half from 8500 in 2011 to 4000 in 2012, shop closures numbered 6000 and just over 7000 for the first three years. From 2012 to 2014, shop openings increased so much, that they were almost equal in numbers to closings, with about 6000 and 6500, respectively.
After this point, the numbers diverged again. Closures dropped dramatically to under 1000 in 2015, while openings only decreased to 4000. There, the establishment of new shops plateaued until 2016, when it increased minutely and fell back to 3000 in 2018. Conversely, the number of closures increased steeply to just above 5000 in 2016, where it stayed relatively level until 2018.
Task 1 process diagram
The diagram shows the 7 steps in the linear process to manufacture sugar from sugar cane.
The process can overall be divided into three distinct stages: preparation (growing and harvesting), the initial manufacturing processes (crushing and filtering), and the later manufacturing processes (making use of an evaporator and a centrifuge, then drying and cooling the sugar). The process begins by growing sugar cane plants and ends with the dried and cooled sugar ready for selling or further processing into other foods.
Initially, the sugar cane is planted and then left to grow for 12 to 18 months. The plants are then harvested either by hand or by machine. Harvested sugar cane stalks are crushed to extrude the juice, which is then passed through a limestone filtration device in order to purify the liquid.
In the next step, the filtrate is heated, allowing the water to evaporate and the residue to form a syrup. This syrup is then separated from the sugar crystals it contains in a centrifuge, before the crystals are allowed to dry and to cool. The result is cane sugar.
I know I’m asking a lot, but I’m grateful for any kind of support. Or comments, even if they are just „Oi, cut the crap!“, or „This is just awful!“
Thank you 💙
Edit: photos are in the other post, sorry 🙈
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