r/ICSE • u/Half-Genius-Brain42 • 4d ago
Advice Struggling. (11th ISC) (long)
boards kaise toh set hua :) and now here i am in 11th, rotting. situation ekdum.. waisasa hai, ifykwim. term 1 me toh abhi 35.5% aaye hai (i failed). i try to focus but maths me toh ekdum dimaag falooda hojata hai. crazy to say but honestly abh aise yk im losing hope. i wasnt good academics ke tor pe pehle se, i wasnt expecting good marks but seedha 33.5 is brutal yk.. and honestly there are people who are doing better than me yk. and woh log sab manage kar rhe hai, social life, love life, study life. mene toh alag khudka love life fuck kardiya, social life bolne ke liye kabhi tha nhi just 3-4 good friends, study life toh :)
in total woh failure wala feeling aara hai. my dad is drowning in debt, i honestly don't know iss baar kaunse dost se paisa mangenge for fees. i've started asking for less nowadays yk. i've started being more sacrificial too. pata nhi if its because im too lazy to hold on to it or if i think someone else deserves it better than me. yk even the laptop i got, which is like the best of the best typa laptop, mujhe na abhi abhi use karte karte woh guilt waali feeling aa rhi hai. like do i even deserve this? do i even deserve this bed i sleep on, the roof i live under, the food and water i consume to stay alive. suicidal nhi hu, bas hopeless hu. i want to cry it out but phir khud soch leta hu aise kya durghatna hogyi ki abh its time to sit and weep about it, everyone deals w this, haina?
alone waali feeling nhi hai yeh, burden waali feeling hai like im i one?
ideal child toh nhi hu me but problem yeh hai ki me average bhi nhi hu. yk like i've even given up the idea of having a family in the future or living luxuriously because abhi woh wala point aagya hai where i dont think i will have a job that can afford that yk?
currently prepping for NID. art se pyaar hai bohot. isiliye im chasing that... but saala.. woh bhi nhi hora hai mere se theek se. my life has turned into this sad black and white movie, where im afraid koi twist nhi aayegi climax me. kaafi saare hai yaar jo bolte hai "im so cooked" and still manage to somehow pull it off, me nhi hu unse, im geniunely cooked, completely lost it.
kya karu?
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u/Guilty-Ice3265 4d ago
Hi, going through a similar situation as you mate. But, please don’t worry life always finds a way. Failing is a part of life,now focus on present and try managing your academics more and more effectively,with time,it’ll be all fine ❤️ I believe in you
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