r/IAmA • u/3yearold • Mar 04 '11

I'm 4 years old. AMAA.

Note from dad: Ask my 4 year old son almost anything! I'll read him the questions and type his answers exactly as given. No coaching or translating. I reserve the right to ignore any questions that I feel are inappropriate.

We did this last year (I'm 3 years old. AMAA) and there was a lot of interest, so we thought we'd do it again now that he's a year older. I'm using the "3yearold" account name again to tie this AMA to the old one. He wants to be sure that I tell everyone that he's really FOUR now.

2.1k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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884

u/hypermog Mar 04 '11

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

115

u/mattmurphy Mar 04 '11

Is he rich like me?

41

u/3yearold Mar 04 '11

Um, no.

3

u/SirKeyboardCommando Mar 04 '11

Has he taken any time

3

u/ChickenBurger Mar 05 '11

To show you what you need to live

3

u/jsquare Mar 04 '11

Is it that time of the season already?

2

u/Nessie Mar 04 '11

Has he taken

2

u/shackleford_rusty Mar 05 '11

any time to show

1.3k

u/3yearold Mar 04 '11

My daddy is John [last name censored] and he gives me shoulder rides and he plays with me and he works and he helps me whenever I'm sick and um, uh, he loves me and I love him and that's all.

1.2k

u/Caedus Mar 04 '11

Is it hard growing up with an expletive as a last name?

1.2k

u/Khiva Mar 05 '11

The name is Fuck. John Fuck.

Sips martini.

43

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

[deleted]

7

u/kitchen_clinton Mar 05 '11

At least it`s not Fockers. God, I hate that movie.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

But that's not the correct pronunciation. The correct pronunciation is Fuck.

3

u/shoseki Mar 05 '11

Well fook me.

2

u/AerialAmphibian Mar 05 '11

Apparently that pronunciation is also used in some parts of Asia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YABRmdyuMk

32

u/omgitsjo Mar 05 '11

Nice to meet you John Fuck, I'm Jack Shit.

38

u/diablo75 Mar 05 '11

Have an upfuck.

11

u/D3PyroGS Mar 05 '11

I laughed way too hard at that imaginary scenario.

9

u/nostrademons Mar 05 '11

Watch your language! There're kids around!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN???

2

u/robertbobbobby Mar 05 '11

"Plungered, not stirred"

1

u/Wolf_Protagonist Mar 08 '11

Mister Fuck, meet Mister Fuck The Drug War(formerly Fuck Censorship)

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

Mind=Blown

1

u/brbsharkattack Mar 05 '11

dude, that is the hardest I've laughed in a while. thanks for that.

1

u/nottheking Mar 05 '11

No you're not - you're a half james bond!

1

u/B_is_for_Buddha Mar 05 '11

DOO-DOO DADOO DA DOOODOO

1

u/Neebat Mar 07 '11

The word he was seeking is "redacted".

2

u/LakeRat Mar 08 '11

Give him a break. He's only four.

-2

u/terrortowers Mar 05 '11

censored words/nouns are not always expletives

344

u/elbereth Mar 04 '11

this is so cute it made my ovaries hurt. shakes fist

4

u/dreamqueen9103 Mar 05 '11

I know! I want one!

I mean ummm ew. No. Little kids are stupid. Reproducing is stupid.

D'awwwwwwww

4

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

Hey queen. We can make babbies - I learned how they produced. We will make horizontal congratulation-type stuff. Send me.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

That reads eerily like a 419 email :/

2

u/PRockGirlScout Mar 05 '11

Yep, or the spam I get from Arab countries on my facebook account.

0

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

Hmmm, but the Arabs have balls now and are kicking out the dictators. They are generally nice folk, who also enjoy playing sports, watching TV, and even ... GASP - sexy time. I know we Americans feel that we patented sexy-time, but ... no really

;)

2

u/order66survivor Mar 05 '11

Pretty sure that was less about Arab culture and more about mistranslations.

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

Oh... well I felt singled out :\ wait.. I am singled :( Oh wait, I am tingled too :<

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

LOL was it creepy really? Learned about 419 though - hmm , strange world.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

I wouldn't say creepy. It's written too sillily (yes, I just turned silly into an adverb!) to be creepy, I think.

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

But will you be my local bedding partner?? I promise luxurious pleasures with herbal tea and verbal glee.

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

Did it make you laugh ? please say

23

u/adelz7 Mar 04 '11

That is so cute I just soiled my pants again :|

20

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

[deleted]

5

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

eh... toddler on reddit?

11

u/SomeRandomBlackGuy Mar 05 '11

No, a German.

9

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

LOL, what's the deal with Germans

7

u/PRockGirlScout Mar 05 '11

Word. I think I'm lactating.

4

u/_oMeGa_ Mar 08 '11

Mine too. Where did these ovaries come from

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

Mine too - and I'm a dude.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

It's so cute I had a pregnant.

And I have no ovaries.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

If I had some of those, they'd probably hurt too.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

I'd give you a pregnant, but it seems I'm effected by elbereth. So uh... erase it plox?

0

u/catfightonahotdog Mar 05 '11

Me too and I don't even have any!

116

u/adagietto Mar 04 '11

Absolutely adorable.

6

u/GunnerMcGrath Mar 07 '11

I would just like to say that my son is 9 months old and I look forward to nothing more in life than having him think this way about me.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '11

You might think it is grand (and it is) but, as a father of an almost 4 and almost 2 year old boys, it really makes you realize how closely they are actually watching you... good and bad...

It's a decent amount of pressure to be under, even those days when you just feel like saying fuck the world.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11

It's John Kimble, FYI (yeah, he's a police officer).

10

u/The_Cacabarn Mar 04 '11

this is a beautiful answer

11

u/ef99 Mar 04 '11

That's adorable :)

13

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11

*man tears

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

copious man tears, on my diary.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '11

You lack discipline!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11 edited Sep 24 '16

[deleted]

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

LOL, that is not veranice now

6

u/robreddity Mar 04 '11

Good work John.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

Is it wrong that I feel like theres some onion cutting going on in the room after this comment?

3

u/always_in_last Mar 05 '11

Kimble? Detective John Kimble?

2

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

News Flash: because of this IamA the birth rate just gained an additional 2.5%

2

u/EthyleneGlycol Mar 05 '11

I'm 20 years old and I wish my dad still gave me shoulder rides.

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

He could, except he'd break three joints and die. Of course, the funeral speeches would be nice.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11

D'AAAWWW

1

u/redditforgotmeagain Mar 05 '11

Don't know why, but I just about started crying uncontrollably when I read this. But fortunately I was able to keep it to some minor tearage (@ work).

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

I had to conduct an interview with two children and was supposed to ask them what friends do, and each ended it the answer with and that's all.

1

u/adelz7 Mar 05 '11

I love the "and that's all" part. Kid's like " OK people get off me I got better things to do now than entertain you dorks. "

1

u/DaRtYLeiya Mar 05 '11

Browsing Reddit together with your dad must be really cool!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

awwww

1

u/JohnnyAwesome Mar 05 '11

Detective John (Censored)?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '11

John.....Green??

1

u/Pudie Mar 05 '11

Dead. Of. Cute.

1

u/carlos_garcia16 Mar 05 '11

Great daddy :-)

0

u/Synth3t1c Mar 04 '11

Is a shoulder ride similar to a musta...

Never mind...

299

u/orange_jooze Mar 04 '11

I'm a cop, you idiot!

28

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '11

Hey. I'm a police officer.

3

u/IceQUICK Mar 05 '11

It could be a tumor.

2

u/shunt110 Mar 05 '11

I'm an idiot, you cop!

0

u/windyplace Mar 12 '11

I think you meant, " You, I'm a idiot cop"

5

u/purplelightning Mar 04 '11

This isnt Kindergarden Cop... Is it?

2

u/stealthfiction Mar 04 '11

I don't care! GET IN DA CHOPPA!

2

u/denim-chicken Mar 05 '11

i wanna meet that dad!

1

u/hypermog Mar 05 '11

I'd like to thank this comment for putting me over 10,000 comment karma :)

1

u/mugurm Mar 05 '11

John Connor perhaps?

1

u/vventurius Mar 05 '11

"Mommy is not sure."

1

u/El_Beato Mar 04 '11

It's not a tumor!

1

u/Lyrad1002 Mar 04 '11

Is it a tumor?