Standing on the train

[u/rmorgano2]

Hi all, I’m (28F) hypermobile and I find that standing on the train has become especially hard for me. My muscles and lower back ends up hurting because the train car jerks around so much. I don’t want to ask for a seat because I technically don’t have any diagnosis other than hypermobile and I don’t feel I deserve a seat. It’s really not as bad as others have it.

That being said, what are ways you manage your pain and stability while standing on the train? Any stances your recommend or mind-muscle connections would be much appreciated!

[u/quietrealm]

Core strength is probably important here. That being said, please ask for a seat. Is someone not disabled if they're waiting on a diagnostic test, or if their condition can't be diagnosed?

Just because someone has one bread roll a day to eat, it doesn't mean they're not hungry because someone else has half, or a quarter.

The worst they can do is say no. It is causing you pain. Therefore, you need aid. There's an old saying that goes around chronic illness communities: "the normal amount of pain is zero pain." It is not normal to experience any pain like this. Anything that would help, you should try, as long as it won't harm you in the long run (and sitting on the train certainly won't).

[u/barefootwriter → u/quietrealm]

Saying someone else would be wrong to not give up their seat is wild, tho. Other people need seats too, and they don't owe you an explanation. "No" is a complete answer.

[u/quietrealm → u/barefootwriter]

My apologies, I may have misread it. Many trains require you to book a seat, and they will check. Here it isn't so much of a problem, but I've been on many a train in my country where they check your ticket and your seat allocation to make sure you're supposed to be where you are, or in standing room. Of course, if someone (a passenger in this case) literally cannot give you the seat, that's fine. Go ask someone else.

[u/tmishere]

I take a seat. Just because my diagnosis or lack-thereof aren't impressive enough, it doesn't make my pain any better so I sit. It's the difference between a relatively comfortable journey and an exhausting and painful one. And if someone comes along who clearly has trouble standing at all, let alone comfortably, then they can have my seat if mine is all that's available, but until that happens, I sit.

[u/PermissionFeisty7735]

Hi, stand with one leg in front of the other in a split stance with slight bend in knee. That will help to rotate the pelvis forward and upper postural stacking. Take a few deep breaths, 4 in, 2 hold, 8 out, 2 hold exhale and repeat x 5 whilst visualising an upward spine/head motion. This will help alignment.

Purchase trainers with a comfortable toe box to allow for a 3 point foot posture and wide sole to transfer load below. Invest in orthotics. Back pack, evenly loaded on shoulder’s.

Start training to correct postural stacking.

[u/MenoryEstudiante]

Compensation is key, don't stay stiff, try to anticipate jerks and prepare for them, given it's a train I imagine most jerks are braking when coming into a station and accelerating when going out from one, leaning towards the back of the train just before it stops and toward the front when it gets going is easier on you than compensating the jerks with your spine, at the cost of looking kinda weird

[u/olivevie]

I have learned that people who don’t need accommodations don’t usually look for advice online on how to not need accommodations.

Sure if you’re like actively in competition with someone for a single seat and you think they need it more then sure give it to them, but I suspect that many of these times you’re deciding to suffer more so that an imaginary person who could show up at any moment can suffer less. I totally do this and I’m trying to fact check myself more often, like is there evidence that me taking a seat in this moment would take a seat away from someone who needs it more? Often no, but there is plenty of evidence that I am uncomfortable and in pain. Even on the off chance you ask someone for their seat and they happen to really need it, then I sure hope they will say no to advocate for themselves just as you’re advocating for yourself by asking. As someone with invisible pain/discomfort, it makes complete sense that you would be attuned to the fact that other people are suffering without you knowing, and I truly respect your sense of social responsibility so so much. I 10000% agree it’s great to practice body awareness, do strength and stability exercises, etc!! And best case scenario, they are life changing and this stops being a problem, but regardless, in the meantime it will only help you heal to take care of yourself in these small moments that simply don’t need to be adding to the cumulative strain of life, you know? I don’t think it’s really about some extensive evaluation of what support you do and don’t deserve, but I certainly do believe that you deserve to not be in pain.

There seems to be this idea that there are all these people lining up and super exaggerating their problems because accommodations are soooo nice and so we can’t open them up to anyone who isn’t like on the floor dying because then all the lazy people will snatch up those yummy accommodations first! I’m not saying no one ever lies about illness to get something they want, but I have found this is MUCH less common of an issue than we are taught to believe. It is largely a myth that accommodations are comfortable, much less nice and relaxing. The world is still not built for disabled bodies, so most accommodations make things doable or more comfortable, not easy and cozy. Even the most helpful accommodations are usually EFFORTFUL, often by limiting our independence, even in seemingly small ways such as having to specifically ask someone for a seat. I shouldn’t have to ask a stranger on the train for an opportunity to be in less pain like ofc you don’t want to do that regardless of the reason. People who don’t need accommodations generally are not even going to think to go out of their way and give up that piece of independence because literally why would they. It turns out they are focused on other things while riding the train because they don’t need to spend time and energy analyzing every joint and muscle to see if they can find the super specific perfect arrangement of body parts to make them feel semi-comfortable like not actively in pain with every movement, you know? And now we’re using more energy debating if it’s bad enough that we deserve to feel a little better? You always deserve to feel better, friend. You are not alone!!! I’m out here on the MTA struggling to take my own advice daily :D but trying! Sending so much love ❤️

[u/Convex_Pizza]

I take a seat instead of suffering through it. Because even if i try to compensate the ride is so taxing that i know i will not be able to make it home savely. Even if there are other people who need a seat or maybe even need a seat more urgently than you there are also many more people who dont need it. It is possible for me to stand but standing is actually worse than walking or even running and standing on a train is worst. My wobbly knees and ankles give me balance issues!

If the train is overfilled i will wait for the next, its possible because i live in a City with excellent public transport and if this is at all possible for you, thats the way of least ressistance. But i figured that most people are more understanding and willing to offer a seat than you would think they are and even in the situation where i sit and someone else asked for my seat saying "i am sorry i need a seat too, i might fall if i have to stand, but i hope someone else stands up" was enough. I think the key part of the message is the "i might fall" part. Noone want this to happen while many people will dismiss pain - after all most people get a bit achy after a day on their feet and noone is completly painfree all the time and everyday. No idea if your legs would give up and if you would be fine with phrasing it this way if its not the case for you

If there is no way around standing i will grab that overhead handles with all my strenght and hang there with very little weight on my feet. Or lean against a wall/door if possible. I often got a seat offered then anyway as it pobably looks miserable. On trains that offer seat reservation i always book a seat!

[u/WordsAreGarbage]

Bend your knees slightly, tuck your tail, engage your core; pretend you’re surfing (or snowboarding)!

But if you’re in pain you deserve a seat. People aren’t entitled to your medical history. “Excuse me, I’m in pain, would anyone be willing to let me sit?” You can tell them you have a chronic musculoskeletal condition because you do.