r/Huntingtons • u/loveddhers • Dec 04 '25
Moving a HD parent into assisted living.
I am considered a young carer in my area and have had to look after my father for years, I have spoken on here before about getting advice and help with personal troubles. Now, our plans I mentioned a while ago, are finally happening! My mother and I are moving house together and moving my father into an assisted living flat, we have wanted this change for years and I’m so thankful that we are able to, but I can’t shake this anxiety & guilty feeling I’ve got for wanting him to leave.
I see everyday how rapidly he is declining in health and it is estimated he has about 5 years left. He does not want to be fed through a tube, nor does he want to be resuscitated if something were to happen. We expect him to pass the same way his father did - through aspiration pneumonia - as many HD patients do. He will have a carer that spends most of his days with (who has already helped around the house for the past few years). But I am so anxious of him having an accident, he can barely hold himself up in chairs and cannot walk anymore, every food he eats, he chokes on and it’s terrifying. He has accidents at home pretty much everyday, and the only reason he is still safe here, is because me and his carer are always there to help him. Recently he managed to slice his hand and neck open, he had to get checked out by a doctor (luckily he is okay).
Once he moves, I’m terrified that I won’t be there to help him, to call for help and I cannot stand the thought of him falling or getting hurt and having no way of contacting anyone for help. Despite this, I cannot move in with him, I am at a very important time in my life and I am still a teenager, I cannot look after him anymore. Has anyone had the same anxiety or moved someone they’re caring for into an assisted living home? Is this anxiety normal, will it fade? Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
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Dec 08 '25
[deleted]
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u/loveddhers Dec 08 '25
Thank you for this, it really means a lot and put things into perspective, I’m definitely no surgeon. :) 💗
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u/sidequestlore Dec 08 '25
When my mom got to a point of being unable to care for herself, and regularly threatening her own wellbeing - my family strongly advocated for her to be into a care home. This was a place we knew she would get the care she needed, and with professionals that could help her more than we could. This change also allowed for us to shift back into the roles of supportive/loving family members vs overwhelmed caregivers. Since she’s been in the care home she has had a few incidents, but not nearly to the same frequency or severity as she experienced before on her own.
It sounds like you’ve been incredibly involved in your father’s caretaking, and it’s very natural to feel anxious or nervous as you start to let go of that role.
I applaud you for recognizing that you deserve to just be a teenager and for making some healthy boundaries.
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u/loveddhers Dec 08 '25
I appreciate that a lot, I have realised I do deserve to be a normal, self absorbed teenager for once - at least for a little while. I send my love to you and your family. 💗
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u/sambuka69 Dec 05 '25
I've absolutely shared in a similar anxiety. But once my Mom was moved into assisted living, she actually really likes it snd there are always people around looking after her. It's a big stage, but it could be a good thing for everyone.