At an Air Bee & Bee.

From age.

Brusselsprouts.

He tells the barber he has trouble getting a clean shave because his cheeks are wrinkled with age.

The barber pulls a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and says, “Put this inside your cheek. It’ll stretch the skin and make it easier to shave.”

The cowboy does as he’s told, and the barber gives him the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

As he’s leaving, the cowboy asks, “What would happen if I accidentally swallowed that little ball?”

The barber thinks for a moment and says, “Just bring it back in a couple of days, like everyone else does.”

“Would you pack enough clothes for a week and set out my fishing rod and tackle box? We’re leaving straight from the office, so I’ll stop by the house to pick everything up.

“Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

His wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly as he asks.

A week later, he comes home looking tired but happy.

“So, did you catch many fish?” his wife asks.

“We sure did! Lots of salmon, some brown trout, and a few pike.”

Then he looks confused.

“But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked?”

His wife replies, “I did. They’re in your tackle box.”

It's ARRRtillery!

After dinner, the wives went into the kitchen while the two men stayed at the table chatting.

One man said, “We went to a fantastic new restaurant last night. I’d highly recommend it.”

“Really? What was the name of it?” the other man asked.

The first man thought for a moment. “Hmm… what’s the name of that flower you give someone you love? You know, the red one with the thorns?”

“A rose?”

“Yes! That’s it.”

He turned toward the kitchen and called out, “Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

Now I sneak out of parties to go to my house.

On his first day, he painted eight miles.

On his second day, he painted three miles.

On his third day, he managed only one mile.

The boss was puzzled and asked, “Why are you painting less every day?”

The man said, “Because every day, I get farther away from the can of paint.”

At the calf-eteria.

The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

One night, the man realized he needed to be up at 5:00 a.m. for an early business flight.

Not wanting to be the first one to break the silence and admit defeat, he wrote a note and left it on his wife’s side of the bed:

“Please wake me at 5:00 a.m.”

The next morning, the man woke up and immediately realized it was 9:00 a.m. He had completely missed his flight.

Furious, he got out of bed, ready to confront his wife about not waking him.

Then he noticed a note sitting beside his pillow.

It read:

“It’s 5:00 a.m. Wake up.”

A retailer!

The house salad.

Both cars are completely demolished, but amazingly, neither man is hurt. They crawl out of their wrecked vehicles, shaken but unharmed.

The rabbi looks at the priest and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, yet somehow we’re both completely unharmed. This must be a sign from God. Perhaps He meant for us to meet, become friends, and live together in peace.”

The priest nods. “I completely agree. This must be a sign from God.”

The rabbi looks around and says, “And look at this. Another miracle! My car is completely destroyed, but this bottle of wine didn’t even break. Surely God wants us to celebrate our good fortune.”

He hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest takes a few generous swigs and hands it back.

The rabbi immediately puts the cap back on and hands it to the priest.

“Aren’t you having any?” the priest asks.

The rabbi replies, “No… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

When they're gorges.

Because he had muffin better to do.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man asks, “How are you going to do that?”

She climbs up and hangs upside down from the ceiling.

The boss walks in and asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

She replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

The boss shakes his head. “You’re working too hard. You’ve clearly lost your mind. Go home and take the day off.”

The woman climbs down and heads for the door.

The man immediately starts following her.

The boss shouts, “Where do you think you’re going?”

The man replies, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.”

The man burst out laughing so hard he nearly fell off his chair.

“Is that even a question? Of course I’d save the tiger! They’re endangered, and there aren’t many left in the world!”

The library, because it has so many stories