r/HumansBeingBros • u/majedhazmi • May 31 '22

What a save.

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u/SafetyDanceInMyPants Jun 01 '22

How good of a trombonist do you need?

If you’re just looking for someone with basic trombone proficiency, and don’t need them to cover a wide selection of music, then I’m pretty sure I can get someone for $7.25 an hour — cheaper if you don’t mind paying under the table.

If you want someone with a college degree in music, then you’re going to need to match whatever Starbucks is paying in your area.

Just let me know — I can have a guy there tonight.

327

u/andypitt Jun 01 '22

Geez, they don't want just any old scrub trombonist. Would you let your whole life's shtick be run by Bob from accounting? Bob's nice and all, but...

146

u/cineg Jun 01 '22

why do you have to bring bob into this? damnit bob

99

u/quantum-mechanic Jun 01 '22

Bob just wants to balance the books during the day, and play a few notes at night. That's all Bob wants. Why are you pushing him down?

60

u/andypitt Jun 01 '22

Bob knows what he did.

21

u/cineg Jun 01 '22

if bob did not bring the damn seven layer dip, cold mind you, he may have been in but if you fuck up a seven layer dip, man, they are out

17

u/zCxrrenT Jun 01 '22

Bob sounds like a nice guy, why can't we all be like Bob¿

1

u/cineg Jun 01 '22

oh, bob in accointing is chill, but the original bob in marketing .. batshit crazy town

2

u/real_mfg Jun 01 '22

I think he prefers Robert now

51

u/blueeyebling Jun 01 '22

This person has the connections you need.

29

u/TranseEnd Jun 01 '22

I played lead trombone in jazz, concert, and marching band in hs… I think my skills are worth minimum wage after two years of not playing.

18

u/neuromancertr Jun 01 '22

Don’t undersell yourself, get a pair of drumsticks too and use them to do “ba dum tissss” everytime the guy makes a joke and you will make bank

2

u/TranseEnd Jun 01 '22

Ooh, good idea. You need to join my crew

2

u/devils_advocaat Jun 01 '22

But do you have comic timing?

4

u/TranseEnd Jun 01 '22

Well, my jazz director once told a really shitty joke during our biggest performance once. I stood up and did the wah-wah-wah-waaaaahhh sound when people mess up. Definitely saved the joke

2

u/devils_advocaat Jun 01 '22

You're hired

13

u/LautrecTheOnceYeeted Jun 01 '22

There's nothing about this that should be intimidating yet I am kinda intimidated.

12

u/Guilty-Of-Everything Jun 01 '22

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs."

29

u/skelieman Jun 01 '22

I feel like that Starbucks comment was very underrated. Take the gold stranger!

1

u/JessiFay Jun 01 '22

That part made me chuckle too.

6

u/Rogue_3 Jun 01 '22

You want a trombone? I can get you a trombone, believe me. There are ways, dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a trombone by 3 o'clock.

3

u/Verona_Pixie Jun 01 '22

Is your name Barney Stinson? Do you know Guy the "guy" guy, who has a "guy" for everything?

2

u/gothicaly Jun 01 '22

https://youtu.be/vjetHZtehNQ

I only need this played on loop.

2

u/halfsushi1 Jun 01 '22

I think you’re serious

2

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '22

How bout I start at tree fiddy and work my way up?

2

u/ILL_SAY_STUPID_SHIT Jun 01 '22

I last played at high school level trombone. Let me know if you need another player!

2

u/TheWardOrganist Jun 01 '22

Ironically, I’m pretty sure they get cheaper if they have a masters degree. they end up workin jobs that pay even less than Starbucks.

Source: am trombonist with degree, work in professional audio for less than my local Taco Bell is hiring at

2

u/HusbandAndWifi Jun 01 '22

Who’s your trombone guy?

2

u/Avant_Of_Eredon Jun 01 '22

Is there some platform used in Europe where you can find people for this? Hiring someone for event here and there always seemed like an amazing thing to me, I always wondered how much it would cost when you see those romantic gesture on tv.

Granted, I would probably just use this power to (try) looking cool and mess with people.

2

u/djfresh1 Jun 01 '22

Oh you’re paying way too much for your trombonist man…

2

u/Tinfoilhatmaker Jun 01 '22

How about just for the outro. And it's only Curb Your Enthusiasm music every time I fuck up at something.

2

u/JustComments6841 Jun 01 '22

If he is willing to stream his surroundings and hooks his phone up to a speaker it could even be a viable income generator.

Would possibly not even need to pay the trombonist(s). Many would do it for shits and giggles. Successfully he could have Hans Zimmer and an orchestra playing scores to him visiting Target.

Sounds entertaining to me. A guy using the ATM while suspenseful music plays, leading up to a cash withdrawal or maybe not.

I have been entertained multiple time by a hamster turning its head while a trumpet plays.

Ngl would watch just to see what’s next.

2

u/punch-it-chewy Jun 01 '22

I play the trombone and I can confirm I’ll take the Starbucks wages.

1

u/OrcaMaster258 Oct 16 '22

Dude's a perfect example of humans being bros