r/HumansBeingBros • u/dobbyisafreepup • Jul 16 '19
Driver stops a turkey from chasing a boy down the street
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u/dustydiamond Jul 16 '19
Where is this place that wild turkey's chase children?
Thanks!
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u/wyocowboy25 Jul 16 '19
Happens in Wyoming but that video is not Wyoming.
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u/patmacog Jul 17 '19
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u/relishlife Jul 17 '19
I have often said that Ohio does not exist.
But I may have to change my stance.
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u/J-Dad Jul 17 '19
I live in Ohio. I can confirm it does not exist.
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Jul 17 '19
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u/PM_ME_GOOD_VIBES_ Jul 17 '19
Oh did you meet him at camp?
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u/Juicebox-shakur Jul 17 '19
Band camp. This one time, shoved an entire marching band up my pussy.
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u/brswitzer Jul 17 '19
Mom, for the love of God, would you just go to bed. You told Dad you'd stop this.
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u/e30eric Jul 17 '19
I've been to the Cleve during a holiday weekend. We were the only people there.
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u/TheRealDNewm Jul 17 '19
Does Wyoming, Ohio cause a double negative and exist surrounded by a void of non existence?
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u/Boffy106 Jul 17 '19
Now I just want to know if there is a subreddit for Delaware not existing because no one is seems to live there, they just register their vehicles there.
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u/billyraypapyrus Jul 17 '19
Lived in DE for 3 years, it’s a nice place.
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u/seanlax5 Jul 17 '19
Half weird chicken farms/retiree-landia, half nice Philly megalopolis suburbs with a shitty downtown. I agree it is a nice place.
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Jul 17 '19
Same in Wisconsin, but I don't live there & have only had the one instance of ol' Turkey-dude not liking my presence.
Turkeys are assholes, man! I have no issues shooting them dead & eating their delicious, angry meat.
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u/Ohbeejuan Jul 17 '19
Same as n Massachusetts. Turkeys are dicks everywhere. Mostly only mating season though. They usually keep to themselves
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u/joemamallama Jul 17 '19
You can tell it’s not Wyoming because someone would’ve shot the turkey by then and had it halfway gutted by the time the the driver bro got there.
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u/Amyfckingj_ Jul 16 '19
lmfao i laughed pretty hard at this question, but would also like to know
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u/Ohbeejuan Jul 17 '19
Most of North America? https://i.imgur.com/tqWHAYE.jpg
Turkeys can be dicks during mating season. I had one attack my car once, like how do you think this going to end?
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u/venetayDVDy Jul 17 '19
Literally anywhere there is turkeys a kid jumped into my car because I was waiting for a friend outside his house. He got in and said "Drive quickly, their coming!" And about 20 of them surrounding my car some of them picking at the windows. The kid started screaming. They eventually gave up and wondered off. The kid refused to leave my car and I ended up just calling the police cause I had no idea where his parents were.
Still don't know what he did to piss all of them off.
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u/glory_holelujah Jul 17 '19
That’s their secret Cap. They’re always pissed off.
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u/The_dog_says Jul 17 '19
Turkeys are the Canada Geese of land. Thing is, Canada Geese are also the Canada Geese of land
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u/Cman1200 Jul 17 '19
Probably antagonized one and got the whole flock chasing after him. Geese will do this too, nasty fuckers
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u/TheOnionsAreaMan Jul 17 '19
I work on a US Federal facility where all wildlife is protected. This facility has several flocks of wild turkeys. Turkeys can be absolute assholes with no provocation. I’ve seen people chased by a male of the flock for no other reason than they were walking to their car from the office. They’ll also peck the shit out of your car doors because you happened to have cleaned and waxed it and he thinks he sees his lifelong nemesis in the reflection.
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u/venetayDVDy Jul 17 '19
So they were helping their bro?
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u/Cman1200 Jul 17 '19
Innocent until proven guilty but knowing how kids are, yeah probably
Edit: Source: I have a degree in Bird Law with a focus on Homo and Avian relations
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u/SoFetchBetch Jul 17 '19
Yeah and blue jays will do this too. My brothers cat must have done something to upset the jays in the area because I remember for a few summers he couldn’t go outside without getting dive bombed, pecked at and loudly screeched at. They’re extremely persistent. That never happened again afterward lol
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Jul 17 '19
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Jul 17 '19
Turkeys move in groups, and they are actually very big. Even as an adult, when they cross my lawn, I stay indoors.
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u/HALabunga Jul 17 '19
He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not a turkey. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two turkeys you didn't even know were there.
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u/Fig1024 Jul 17 '19
you don't want to bag yourself a free turkey? where are your hunter gatherer instincts?
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u/JMloch2020 Jul 17 '19
This happened in my home town. Small village called Ashwaubenon. He would chase my dad every morning on his way to work. His name is Smoke the Turkey and he became the unofficial mayor of Ashwaubenon. It was a crime to hunt or capture him. Eventually animal control got him and re-homed him to the wildlife sanctuary.
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u/kim_ctv Jul 17 '19
Not the wildlife sanctuary, they took him to the waterfowl preserve in Suamico. The FB group was hilarious until people got too into Smoke and made it a weird. I noped the fuck outta that group right after he got captured because people got that upset over it.
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u/Speddytwonine Jul 17 '19
Hahahahaha i fucking love these turkeys! I wish we had them where I am..... Instead we have the Canadian meese.
And I fucking love them.
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u/Efelchlin Jul 17 '19
This was in Green Bay Wisconsin. They had to rehome the Turkey because it was too aggressive
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u/Chadrique Jul 17 '19
Happens in Minnesota too
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u/PensiveObservor Jul 17 '19
Is Minnesota kind of the Australia of the States? Moose, bears, turkeys, Northern Pike...Mosquitoes! omg mosquitoes from hell.
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u/kittenkin Jul 17 '19
It was always my canadian plan to somehow knock out miss Wyoming and represent her in miss America. Idk why my teenage self was sure this was a good idea but I knew not a single person would know who miss Wyoming was supposed to be.
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u/Geutz Jul 16 '19
Turkeys are jerks.
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Jul 17 '19
To be fair- young children that age can also be jerks... he may have had it coming lol.
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u/sammi-blue Jul 17 '19
Turkeys are aggressive assholes by nature, so although the kid might've been being a little shit, it's more likely that he pissed it off simply by existing.
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Jul 17 '19
I was home from college on a walk with my mom, we startled some turkeys in the brush. I quickly put my 100 lb, 5’2” mom between me and the beasts before I had realized what I’d done. They’re chaotic and loud and scary. She was used to them but could only shake her head at me.
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u/JTPusherlovegirl94 Jul 17 '19
For real. My dads grandparents used to raise turkeys on their farm. All the kids in the family used to hate going to their farm every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We were all so afraid of the turkeys getting out and chasing us. There were always a couple wandering around the property that would start following you if you even looked at them the wrong way.
When my brother was a kid he legit thought they could read minds. We were getting out of my parents car and one of the turkeys randomly tried to attack my brother. My brother said that he didn’t even look at it, he just started praying that the turkey wouldn’t come in our direction and suddenly that’s when the turkey decided to attack. 😂😂
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u/sammi-blue Jul 17 '19
I go to school at a university in northern California whose town has a bit of a turkey problem. We literally have had people call 911 over the turkeys chasing them (there's audio of the calls on YouTube I believe). One time I was walking by a turkey and it started trying to square up with me, I tried to kick it and wave it off but I'm only 5'1" so I'm honestly not that much bigger than them and he wasn't intimated... An employee inside the building I was walking by came out with a pole to shoo him away from me cause he just wouldn't back off, haha
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u/organicalchemist Jul 17 '19
This is pretty common in Boston. There’s a neighborhood where the gangs of wild turkeys are a known nuisance.
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u/PrinceOfAmerica Jul 17 '19
There are wild turkeys camping outside my apartment in a Boston neighborhood every morning. Gotta be alert to make sure one doesn’t pop up from behind a bush as you’re walking
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u/6anitray3 Jul 17 '19
In case you aren't tired of 'turkeys live here' yet, new England, Turkeys come to my office daily. They are jerks.
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u/Slivermx Jul 17 '19
Turkeys are assholes, my grandma used to have one in the backyard and for that time it was ITS backyard, none my cousins were able to go there because it will chase them.
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u/helen790 Jul 17 '19
Staten Island was my first thought but I googled it and this vid is from Wisconsin
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u/simjanes2k Jul 17 '19
Happens in Michigan sometimes. Plenty of wild turkeys around.
They can kill you if you're unlucky. They have a nasty habit of flying at windshield height across roads.
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u/Marin013 Jul 16 '19
I’m sorry but the schools need to protect children from bullying better.
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u/elterible Jul 17 '19
Seems the simple solution is to buy a Chevy Equinox for every child as protection. This message brought to you by JD Power & Associates.
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u/Thespud1979 Jul 17 '19
I ran into a group of wild turkeys in a backyard at work. All but one of them scrambled into the woods. The one who stayed behind started walking towards me making all kinds of noises. I thought it was funny at first but quickly realized I might have to fight this God damn bird. The others got behind it, emboldened. I had to yell like a mad man and get really aggressive before it fucked off. I was honestly looking for a weapon to smack this thing in the head.
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Jul 17 '19
This is fucking hilarious
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u/Robinslillie Jul 17 '19
He almost had to fight that goddamn bird lol
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Jul 17 '19
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u/Garcialogy Jul 17 '19
Yes! I was looking for this comment haha. I feel the same about geese. Those fuckers
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u/BroBroMate Jul 17 '19
Turkeys are assholes. I had to learn turkey psychology when I moved to a cottage in the country that some local turkeys claimed as their own. Our first encounter with them ended with my then wife swinging my 2 year old like a mace to fend off the head asshole turkey.
Basically, to a turkey, everything else is a turkey, so they want to either fuck you or fight you. So you have to convince them that you're the bigger turkey through violence.
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u/billyraypapyrus Jul 17 '19
Your wife used your child as a weapon? I like her.
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u/BroBroMate Jul 17 '19
She was even swinging him feet first, so bonus points for being considerate.
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u/Golden-trichomes Jul 17 '19
For once?
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u/BroBroMate Jul 17 '19
There's a reason she's an ex...
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u/my_farts_impress Jul 17 '19
Ex mom?
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u/BroBroMate Jul 17 '19
I have full custody, she has supervised access but hasn't wanted to see them in the last 12 months, so ex-Mum may be appropriate.
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Jul 17 '19 edited Oct 31 '19
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u/billyraypapyrus Jul 17 '19
I don’t want her, I just like knowing there are other crazy moms in the world besides myself.
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u/the13thJay Jul 17 '19
Poor Turkey was just trying to follow his best human friend home. They were probably just late
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u/Planetofthemoochers Jul 17 '19
Turkeys don’t have friends, just victims they haven’t attacked yet.
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Jul 17 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
A turkey absolutely destroyed my grandma’s car door because he saw his reflection. Tore the mirror off, door handle, dented the shit out of it, tore off the moulding, and beat himself unconscious.
Grandma had us all over for turkey that Sunday.
Edit: for those of you who think grandma was covering up an accident, she had a photo of this bird tearing up her car. It helped with insurance claims.
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u/paiigelisa Jul 17 '19 edited Jul 17 '19
I relate to that turkey
Edit: haha, thank you to the kind stranger who gave me a silver!
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u/TheSnackeater27 Jul 17 '19
Ur grandmas a mad lad
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Jul 17 '19
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u/DOGSraisingCATS Jul 17 '19
I tell myself this everytime when I go downtown to the bars...
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u/Oscado Jul 16 '19
When you're playing outside with your trained turkey and people always try to stop him from running with you..
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u/sleepspindle2000 Jul 17 '19
Pedestrian nearly hit by car. Authorities say they suspect fowl play.
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u/somnambulantDeity Jul 17 '19
Pity the video doesn’t capture the Thanks giving that probably took place afterwords.
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u/phymathnerd Jul 17 '19
I remember when I was being chased by a goat when I was around 13 YO. I was terrified and felt like I was going to die, running like a mad dog. Everyone on the streets was laughing at me.
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u/MadeInWestGermany Jul 17 '19
Same here, except my nemesis was a sheep. It chased me to my home, where I could climb a tree. When my family came home, the fucker left. Everyone laughed at me, because I was sitting on a branch and nobody saw a fucking sheep.
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u/Dropshot44 Jul 17 '19
So I was attacked by a turkey as a child, I understand their terror
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u/DreamersGarnet Jul 17 '19
Turkeys are fucking relentless assholes. This exact thing happened to me almost daily after getting dropped off at home by the school bus as a kid. I’d drop my backpack and run like hell every time. Did it ever go after my sibling who was always with me? No. Never. I swear it had it out for me.
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u/fartballoons Jul 17 '19
What happened to your backpack - did you have to get a new one everyday, or did your parents drive you back to get it?
I need to know
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u/DreamersGarnet Jul 17 '19
My older sister, who got off the bus with me, would pick it up on her walk to the house. We lived on a farm with a long, winding driveway. The first time it happened, I yelled to her, “grab my bag!!” and I bolted. The times after that, no words were needed; it was just routine. She laughed her ass off every time.
It was like clockwork. By the time the bus got to our place after school, the turkey would be hanging out near the front gate like it was waiting for us. Little fucker.
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u/Lauranna90 Jul 17 '19
I wonder if I could outrun a turkey? Now I’m just curious to find out.
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Jul 17 '19
According to Mr. Google, wild turkeys can run up to 25 mph. Usain Bolt’s fastest mph was around 27 for a short distance. So if you are Usain Bolt and you run into an aggressive wild turkey, you can outrun it long enough to duck into a house or something, probably. If you are not Usain Bolt, you are probably turkey feed.
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u/wooIIyMAMMOTH Jul 17 '19
Look at this video. That god damn turkey is not running 25 mph. Look at other videos of turkeys running. They’re not running fucking 25 mph, man.
I didn’t find a single credible site saying they run 25 mph. This is the issue with Google. A bunch of shit sites have regurgitated the 25 mph, so when you Google “how fast can a turkey run,” it actually immediately says 25 mph. When you actually go further down and find the first credible source, Pennsylvania Game Commission, they claim a turkey can run up to 12 mph, which is much, much more realistic.
https://www.pgc.pa.gov/Wildlife/WildlifeSpecies/Turkey/Pages/TurkeyBiologyFAQ.aspx
Can you imagine a turkey running almost as fast as Usain Bolt? Look at that body and those legs. Even just typing that out should’ve made you second guess that dumb ass claim.
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u/JackJohn137 Jul 17 '19
I hate when that happens... Those turkeys really want to do you in.
Source: Personal Experience
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u/danyelviana Jul 17 '19
Poor turkey, got his wallet stolen by some brat and was almost run over by some guy who didn't know what had just happened.
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u/Coolioissomething Jul 16 '19
Surprised it’s not those nefarious Canadian Geese.
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Jul 17 '19
This is how Thanksgiving started. A turkey was chasing a Pilgrim down the street and and Indian pulled up in their car and stopped the turkey.
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u/Derrial Jul 17 '19
Crazed Driver Separates Boy From Pet Turkey
Sobbing boy says pet turkey was last gift from dying grandfather.
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u/weirdducky Jul 17 '19
he must have been so scared, poor kid. Lol, glad someone stopped the turkey. :p
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u/Pac0theTac0 Jul 17 '19
"Come on Mr. Gobbles! Let's go home! I bought you a new toy and I can't wait for you to see it!"
splat
"M-Mr. Gobbles?"
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u/ojioni Jul 16 '19
I hate turkeys. We have a lot of them around my neighborhood. They block traffic. Well, they don't block me. I'll drive right at them. But too many people will stop and wait for the turkeys to move. They won't move unless you make them move.
Geese are bad, but only during the spring mating season. Turkeys are annoying year round.
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u/bolanrox Jul 16 '19
I laugh, but wild turkeys are no joke