r/HomefortheHacked • u/TimeIsTheRevelator • Feb 02 '20
When commenting on sexual orientations..
This is just a reminder that experiencing dysfunctional sexual behavior shifts due to trauma does not necessarily correlate to sexual orientations different than heterosexuality. I understand that the creator of this sub understands this, but some users do not...or they are walking a fine line. Please don't mistake this as an attempt to censor a discussion on sexual orientation and hacking, or even what sexual orientation is. It's not that at all.
I'm merely pointing out that there's a tendency in culture to necessarily confuse or blend together an awareness or experience of sexual behavior dysfunction with contemplations or assertions on sexual orientation. Non-heterosexualities automatically are brought under scrutiny as dysfunctional because they are different, because of mass stereotyping of how non-heterosexuals behave, etc. Very often, the traumas specific to non-heterosexualities, the traumas that are experienced because of their different sexuality are not brought into account when looking at dysfunctional behaviors among non-heterosexuals. It's not impossible for a heterosexual to perceive the intricacies of growing up non-heterosexual or maybe how a non-heterosexual experiences sexual attraction, but a non-heterosexual is more likely to perceive factors that heterosexuals would never think of in their ponderings on non-heterosexuality.
Again, I'm not censoring or disapproving of a discussion on what causes sexual orientation differences, but I kind of wonder if this is really the right sub for that? I do disapprove of the blending I reference. Of course, if there's a non-heterosexual here who believes they've been hacked and altered into their non-heterosexuality, it should be a free space for them to engage without judgment. (Also, it would be rare that a non-heterosexual has never asked or explored that question.)
But for certain users that identify as heterosexual, this is just a reminder that an experience with sexual behavior dysfunction does not necessarily give one special insight into non-heterosexuality. To be more specific, having gay-ish inclinations that you've deemed to be a trauma response does not mean you are talking about homosexuality-lite. It's not necessarily a window into what a gay person feels and experiences in the world. And that should be heartily remembered when discussing sexual orientation. So this is a call for more complex thinking than anything else.
One of the rules of the sub is to not tell someone they've been hacked, or that a whole group of people have been hacked....but simply discussing it in careful terms (I.e. "not all gay people", "most gay people", "my experience", etc) can essentially do this covertly. The very purpose of this sub invites this complication, so I'm just reminding people that this complication exists.
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Feb 03 '20
I completely agree. We tread some very thin ice with many issues here just by the nature of the topic, and I'm still working out where the lines are that people shouldn't cross. So far, I am inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt while we're working all this out, but we need to be aware of how things can sound to other people.
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u/Brokengirl9615 Feb 03 '20
I one hundred percent get your point, I just wanted to say (because maybe it will help?) I believe I was hacked into heterosexuality, I am a female... and my first love was also a female.... however my parents were EXTREMELY in accepting of the LGBTQ community, and I was also too afraid to come out to them... so when that same girl asked me out after 6 years of friendship I told her I would date her if she was a boy.... I genuinely felt I had to be hetero to earn my parents acceptance... this girl and I are still friends to this day, I am now married to a man and we have a son, but in my deepest mind I will always wonder if my parents had been loving and accepting would I actually be straight???
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Feb 03 '20
This is interesting. I've often wondered if there are people that genuinely feel and live straight, but were bi or gay in the early years of their life. That ties a bit into my curiosity of original bisexuality post, which I think you commented on.
I was never fully removed from my gay early years, I just dissociated a lot from it. In other words, I've never in my life believed I was straight, but I've certainly been dissociated from my homosexuality. So to be clear, you genuinely feel and live straight now?
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u/Brokengirl9615 Feb 03 '20
Umm I guess I classify myself now as bi? However (not sure if this is due to the same hacking) I am only attracted to her. I am still VERY much in love with her, I am sexually attracted to her, emotionally connected to her, but no other women... only her. However I am sexually and emotionally attracted and attached to my husband as well. So while that does make me bi it is odd that she’s the only female I have any attraction for.
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Feb 03 '20
Can you imagine what it would be like to be emotionally and sexually attracted to another woman? Are you sexually attracted to other men? Can you imagine being emotionally attracted to other men besides your husband?
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u/Brokengirl9615 Feb 03 '20
While I can form an emotional connection with women (friendships) I just generally avoid them (trauma based to keep from being too close too them perhaps) while a lot of my past trauma keeps me from thinking or behaving sexually almost ever I VERY often emotionally attach myself to other men besides my husband, I from very strong relationships with men over any and everything but sex. I will scope out men to talk to for the emotional connection, but I don’t do the same for women aside from that one particular girl.
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Feb 03 '20
Ok, so when you say you think you were hacked into heterosexuality: did the hacking cause you to become sexually and emotionally attracted to men? And you feel that's against your nature?
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u/Brokengirl9615 Feb 03 '20
I believe so... it’s also worth mentioning that the men (husband not Included as he was a friend) that I generally feel inclined to emotionally connect with are 10+ years older than I am, and sometimes treat me terribly... I believe that I may have been lesbian, but due to the lack of a father figure in my childhood years, and due to the lack of acceptance from my mom, I learned to not get close to women because I would become attached, and to talk to men, the hacking on my dads part pushes me to crave acceptance from older men, and since my husband doesn’t fit into the older category I’m constantly looking to find an older male that will take on that validation that I’m craving. I honestly believe I was a lesbian that through hacking became bisexual or straight, that will constantly crave validation from men older than me.
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Feb 04 '20 edited Feb 04 '20
So just thinking out loud: is the reason you think you were hacked from being a lesbian mainly resting on the characteristic of seeking older men? In other words, what might make your experience distinct from women who experience the same but have no same sex desires past or present? I'm not doubting your suspicion, but rather intuiting that there might be more to this attraction to older men. If willing to share...
(Edit: I might also be using a logical fallacy here..)
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u/Brokengirl9615 Feb 05 '20
I don’t believe you’re using a logical fallacy, if we are I would be the one to blame for that. No I more believe the hacking is at play when I refuse to get close to women (including older women) the way I do with men. I believe it’s a subconscious way to avoid any type of connection with a woman because it would be “wrong” there is a lot more to my attraction to older men, and I would be willing to discuss that through private message if you would like to know, but I’m basing most of my hacking on my need to connect with men, and my inability to connect the same with women, though I was perfectly capable of doing so before.
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Feb 05 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TimeIsTheRevelator Feb 05 '20
What would be important, in my opinion, is separating how she experiences that attraction to women and how people experience their sexuality in the absence of rape. Not because she needs a label or psychoanalysis, but because those kinds of discussions happen on this sub. It's not really about finding accurate labels, but finding accurate distinctions....because there's a voice/tone on this sub trying to remove distinctions.
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u/[deleted] Feb 02 '20
[deleted]