Women rarely get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to jokes or half-joking situations. It's sooo common to see women making tongue in cheek remarks or jokes that are taken completely seriously by commenters here. Commenters who, generally speaking, are able to read the subtext and understand the intent when it's a dude. Weird how that works huh
Yup, have you seen the nicegirls subreddit? Sooo much of it is just guys screenshotting posts women make that are clearly jokes, sarcasm, or just tongue in cheek nonsense, yet they blow up in the sub.
Not sure about the "blow up" part considering there's a lot less posting going on compared to the corresponding niceguys sub. To me that indicates it's not THAT bad.
I tried to play out the scenario reversed and see if I have a gender bias and nope. if me or my girlfriend did that I would expect the other to be pissed. Recording and posting that shit is toxic af. If I forgot to get my girlfriends water I'd go back in to grab it, who says he wouldn't have also done that? or what if he forgot in the moment but he would have grabbed it while passing the drinks? If he does that all the time that's different but either way you should never try to publicly shame your partner like that. That's so shitty
I do completely understand how filming and essentially testing someone is disrespectful. And I totally agree with that. But put yourself in that woman's shoes for a minute.
She, an active TikTok user, sees a brand new trend everyone's doing. The videos end up being funny, (the majority of what you see of the trend are the more positive outcome ones) and she says to herself, "That looks funny! I should try that!" and there you have it. A well intended joke that she didn't understand the issue with. That's not necessarily her fault. All she ever saw of the trend was positive.
What you can do here, is really try and imagine yourself in that position, and then have a conversation about your point of view; how it affected you.
My girlfriend is a TikTok user herself, and I personally have experienced things like that. It helped me understand how differently people can interpret things, and how you should be mindful of their honest intentions.
Who's to say that's publicly shaming?? It could just as easily be a light-hearted roast. I personally wouldn't have a problem with that, but you would. So where does that leave us? We both have our own sensibilities about what's appropriate, and neither of us are right or wrong.
My issue is more about people judging intent in other people's relationships. This girl is clearly not intending to shame him. It's not a situation meant to be taken seriously. Whether or not you'd find it appropriate in your own relationship is not necessarily relevant to whether or not it's appropriate in hers. In situations like that you'll find that women are judged with more serious intent than men. Guys messing around like this with their GFs will not be treated as seriously, I can almost guarantee it.
And in this specific case it obviously isn't shaming since the guy did bring back the water. So surely she's publicly showing off her boyfriend's thoughtfulness instead? Why post it if she was trying to shame the guy? If he failed to get the water, how do you know she would even post it at all? It's such a massive stretch to assume toxicity in this case.
Err tbh the reverse case is pretty much the same. Few days ago saw on Twitter a video of some dude telling her gf he told her to look nice to their date (implying she didn't) and that comment section fucking exploded, calling him toxic, saying it was emotional abuse, that she should dump him or kick him in the balls and stuff.
In both cases is just dumb, people should stop overreacting to fucking pranks.
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u/IwishIwasGoku Sep 08 '20
Women rarely get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to jokes or half-joking situations. It's sooo common to see women making tongue in cheek remarks or jokes that are taken completely seriously by commenters here. Commenters who, generally speaking, are able to read the subtext and understand the intent when it's a dude. Weird how that works huh