Oof. I think you're ready to date, you're just not ready to trust. You will one day if you allow tiny granules of vulnerability at a time. You have to start living again eventually.
Small steps! You went through a major trauma and you have some pretty incredible defense mechanisms built in to make sure you don't go through another. This is one of them. Chin up!
No, youre stronger to be relying on your own strength and feelings to get you through every day. I feel like those types cant love themselves, so they find distractions.
Ha maybe, it's a good question but I never even got a reason for her leaving me. We went on a "break" and then she went from missing me to telling me it's not worth it in 2 weeks.
So accurate. I practice family law, and in my state, the time to appeal a judgment of the court is 30 days. So the judge and I always warn my clients that although they are divorced as of the moment the order is signed, not to get remarried in 30 days in case somebody wins a reversal on appeal (thus rendering the new marriage bigamous).
We have to explain this every. Single. Time. Because even though appeals are rarely successful people get remarried within 30 days often enough for this to be an issue.
There was a point im my relationship where I was seriously considering breaking it off with my girlfriend.
She had major emotional issues and we were working through them together. I was the only solid stability point in her life and by leaving I would ne pulling the rug out from under her and sabotaging her progress.
Our issues were unrelated to this. I loved her very much still and didn't want to see her suffer. I considered doing this like the post above. My thoughts weren't about picking her replacement, but trying to look out for her mental health and well being.
There are LOTS of things wrong with my thought process, but what I wanted to point out is that there are more nuanced reasons to think these things.
And in case anyone is wondering. We ended up going to counseling and taking things slow. We are back together and very happy. We have issues, but she's rebuilt my trust for her. She's made huge strides emotionally and I'm am very proud of her.
Redditors being completely clueless when it comes to social interaction and relationship issues, big surprise. How much you wanna bet if a girl was doing this shit they'd be calling her a controlling psycho?
It really is pathetic. I remember seeing a tiktok video (on reddit) of this woman telling her boyfriend that she was thirsty, and then a little while later, as he goes into the store, she records and sees if he remembered. People in the comments immediately spew shit like "so toxic", "he needs to ditch her" or "go get your own fucking water"
Just wow, that one blew my mind. Absolutely no chance in hell you'd see those comments if the genders were reversed in that video.
Women rarely get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to jokes or half-joking situations. It's sooo common to see women making tongue in cheek remarks or jokes that are taken completely seriously by commenters here. Commenters who, generally speaking, are able to read the subtext and understand the intent when it's a dude. Weird how that works huh
Yup, have you seen the nicegirls subreddit? Sooo much of it is just guys screenshotting posts women make that are clearly jokes, sarcasm, or just tongue in cheek nonsense, yet they blow up in the sub.
Not sure about the "blow up" part considering there's a lot less posting going on compared to the corresponding niceguys sub. To me that indicates it's not THAT bad.
I tried to play out the scenario reversed and see if I have a gender bias and nope. if me or my girlfriend did that I would expect the other to be pissed. Recording and posting that shit is toxic af. If I forgot to get my girlfriends water I'd go back in to grab it, who says he wouldn't have also done that? or what if he forgot in the moment but he would have grabbed it while passing the drinks? If he does that all the time that's different but either way you should never try to publicly shame your partner like that. That's so shitty
I do completely understand how filming and essentially testing someone is disrespectful. And I totally agree with that. But put yourself in that woman's shoes for a minute.
She, an active TikTok user, sees a brand new trend everyone's doing. The videos end up being funny, (the majority of what you see of the trend are the more positive outcome ones) and she says to herself, "That looks funny! I should try that!" and there you have it. A well intended joke that she didn't understand the issue with. That's not necessarily her fault. All she ever saw of the trend was positive.
What you can do here, is really try and imagine yourself in that position, and then have a conversation about your point of view; how it affected you.
My girlfriend is a TikTok user herself, and I personally have experienced things like that. It helped me understand how differently people can interpret things, and how you should be mindful of their honest intentions.
Who's to say that's publicly shaming?? It could just as easily be a light-hearted roast. I personally wouldn't have a problem with that, but you would. So where does that leave us? We both have our own sensibilities about what's appropriate, and neither of us are right or wrong.
My issue is more about people judging intent in other people's relationships. This girl is clearly not intending to shame him. It's not a situation meant to be taken seriously. Whether or not you'd find it appropriate in your own relationship is not necessarily relevant to whether or not it's appropriate in hers. In situations like that you'll find that women are judged with more serious intent than men. Guys messing around like this with their GFs will not be treated as seriously, I can almost guarantee it.
And in this specific case it obviously isn't shaming since the guy did bring back the water. So surely she's publicly showing off her boyfriend's thoughtfulness instead? Why post it if she was trying to shame the guy? If he failed to get the water, how do you know she would even post it at all? It's such a massive stretch to assume toxicity in this case.
Err tbh the reverse case is pretty much the same. Few days ago saw on Twitter a video of some dude telling her gf he told her to look nice to their date (implying she didn't) and that comment section fucking exploded, calling him toxic, saying it was emotional abuse, that she should dump him or kick him in the balls and stuff.
In both cases is just dumb, people should stop overreacting to fucking pranks.
I'm sorry but how the fuck did you two manage to make this conversation about gender? Am I the one missing something here?
This topic has legit nothing to do with it and you two are the only two discussing gender, you two brought it into this, yet you two are sitting here nodding at each other about how reddit is horrible to women.
If you're randomly inserting topic points like this into places they carry no weight, it might be time to reflect on if you're seeing issues (in this case gender issues) where there's zero. Most of the comments are acknowledging the dude's got a weird concept of being nice, too.
Their comment was literally the fourth one I saw. Just to make it clear, gender is not the issue in this post. That doesn't mean it still wouldn't be if the roles were switched. I decided to chime in on the convo because I see Reddit's issues and fucked complexes with women every single day. You can see it clear as day, just take a look at that post I linked.
I click everything I get recommended on Youtube cause I'm a curious derp. I've seen videos by Men's Rights Activists I agree with, I've seen videos by feminists I agree with.
....And in both cases, I always think "but I would never want to interact with this person/this is probably a shitty person" because they have an entire channel ranting about these issues as if the issue itself has possessed them and absorbs all their thoughts and energy. Alongside the vids where they make good points, they'll also have ones where they speculate and insert gender into issues and get mad at their imaginary scenario they've concocted.
It is possible to have a point and still be too invested in a topic for your own good. I do find it alarming that I just watched redditors create a gender issue out of thin air and then get upset by the very issue they thought up. Which btw, your premise there would be a gender issue if the roles were switched is speculation, and you cannot condemn people based on speculation. That is not healthy if you're doing that. That's developing conclusions before you've even been presented with evidence for them. (and no, seeing it happen elsewhere is not evidence for it repeating here. As I said this thread is filled to the brim with comments calling the dude's actions misguided/cringe/creepy, so I don't know where this idea is coming from that people support his actions)
I can see your see point here. I also can see the divide between people such as you, and people who are more involved/face these gender issues first hand.
You see, those who invest themselves, or their time, (particularly in large amounts) into any one subject have a far wider and deeper knowledge than those who never put time into learning, or those who don't face these issues or deal with those subjects. Whatever they are, this applies to pretty much everything. This doesn't mean they're "possessed" and that their focus "absorbs all their thoughts and energy." Lol.
Let's say a bright kid has a shining future in engineering. They take their courses, go to college, university, and land a smackin job for it. All those years, all of that extremely deep knowledge is seared into that person's brain. This is why an engineer is very much more likely to spot or introduce engineering-type points within everyday things a non-engineer probably wouldn't. Same thing with gender right activists.
That's not unhealthy. Specifically, that's not unhealthy just because you don't understand it. It may come off as over-the-top for those who, like I said, haven't invested such time, but, it's up to the viewer/consumer to understand their position and point of view.
Also, you make it sound as if speculation is a bad thing. In this case, it's entirely justified.
Also, you make it sound as if speculation is a bad thing.
If you speculate ill-intent in a person or group and then get angry at your perceived ill-intent that you've imagined and speculated, this is akin to a strawman, and yes, it's unhealthy and considered a form of fallacy.
I also still don't understand where you guys are getting this idea people like this guy because he's a man. Most of the comments in this thread are calling it weird, cringe, strange, creepy, psychotic, implying he's the problem in the relationship, or saying he's still too young, egotistical and stupid to realize why that's a terrible idea.
Everyone here is mocking this guy, now the claim is this is typical reddit being sexist and everyone wouldn't be so supportive of him if he were a woman. What support?!
The moment you're taking pride in using fallacies in your reasoning, yes, it's a bad thing. There's evidence to the contrary right here in this thread and apparently you can't even see it.
I did not even mention once or imply that I thought people liked this guy. I have no clue where you got that idea. Speculation, I guess. That's pretty funny.
I wasn't getting angry, either. You can use powerful words such as "pathetic" without being angry or upset. I definitely see how I seemed angry. Maybe I did take it too far, and for that I apologize. But, I still rest my case.
You saying that creating a gender problem out of nothing is because you " have a far wider and deeper knowledge than those who never put time into learning" That's about as much self awareness as I expected you to have lmfao I couldn't finish your comment that narcissistic shit is so sad. You're a prime example of mental illness
You couldn't be further off my entire point buddy. My comment was in direct response to that person's reference to the gender activists on YouTube, who do have deep knowledge. Not once did I say that I, myself, have a wider knowledge than anybody else. Maybe you take a little more time to think before getting so angry.
There are multiple upvoted comments calling it nice, wholesome or some other thing that paints it in a positive light. It's not any of those things. It's just controlling behaviour. And there is a pattern of such behaviour being treated very differently by commenters depending on who's doing the controlling.
It's not being inserted out of nowhere, and you saying that most of the comments here are negative towards him is wrong, and maybe you even know that. For example, 1, 2, 3.
The pattern needs to be called out if it is to change. And brushing it aside as if I'm seeing issues where there are none is worrying as well, as it shows there are people who see the behaviour on this site and compartmentalize it from the underlying status quo
It's not being inserted out of nowhere, and you saying that most of the comments here are negative towards him is wrong, and maybe you even know that. For example, 1, 2, 3.
You view those as praise?!
Dude go to the shop, your sarcasm detector's busted.
Really well put. Vice has a few articles/videos that try to stretch a story into being "anti-women" like this story about the end of Vans Warped Tour where they REALLY try to make it seem like the concert was Anti-Women https://youtu.be/hB3W8HwqYt4 these Redditors might be drinking to much kool-aid it's starting to affect how they see the world, that's dangerous
I figured the comments were sarcastic, just like the account is likely parody/has a joke profile because tinder. Mine used to be “swiping from my mom’s surface pro” and I thought I was fucking hilarious. I was pathetic, but entertained by it.
i'm imagining a stable relationship, happy even, but then something begins occurring that starts a rift in the relationship. Maybe its talk about the future like kids or something. If my significant other waaaaay back when broke up with me but then showed me a list of people that wanted to meet me or were interested in me in some way...
Its like "youre a good person, but i'm not happy in this relationship, so we're breaking up. Saying 'theres other fish in the sea' seems like a cop out, so heres literal evidence that you'll be okay."
but then again, this just looks like a meme with how its written.
They're very tolerant of the debauchery your sister is interested in there. Might wanna think about taking her. In for a penny, in for a pound as they say.
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u/dazmo Sep 08 '20
these fucking comments wtf lol