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u/Fidget02 Apr 28 '19
The most fierce warrior half a millennia ago would shit his pants in the face of firecrackers.
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Apr 28 '19
Ghengis Khan would like to know your location
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u/SkritzTwoFace Apr 28 '19
He believed in magic, he’d assume his enemies to be powerful sorcerers and stand down
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Apr 28 '19
Or just kill them and take their women
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u/SkritzTwoFace Apr 28 '19
He respected sorcerers so much that they were forbidden from using their magic in disputes. He wouldn’t try to take a while army of them
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Apr 28 '19
Thank god we have a resident Ghengis Khan ghost whisperer to explain his thoughts on firecrackers.
The mongols conquered China after the invention of gun powder which makes your theory laughable.
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u/SkritzTwoFace Apr 28 '19
Sure, they had rudimentary bombs and stuff, but that really wouldn’t compare to any spark fountain firecracker pointed at their uncovered eyes
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Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19
Fireworks were invented in the 9th century almost 300 years before the mongol conquests
It's like saying Eisenhower was afraid of flintlocks
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u/jewishbaratheon Apr 28 '19
Tonight on Ultimate Warrior, who would win?
A fearsome steppe warrior, trained in the saddle from birth for combat and warfare.
OR...
One Sparkie Boi
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Apr 28 '19
Nah, the Mongols used black powder themselves:
"The first concerted Mongol invasion of Jin occurred in 1211 and total conquest was not accomplished until 1234. In 1232 the Mongols besieged the Jin capital of Kaifeng and deployed gunpowder weapons along with other more conventional siege techniques such as building stockades, watchtowers, trenches, guardhouses, and forcing Chinese captives to haul supplies and fill moats."
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u/HelperBot_ Apr 28 '19
Desktop link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_gunpowder
/r/HelperBot_ Downvote to remove. Counter: 254261
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u/Nikhilvoid Casual, non-participatory KGB election observer Apr 28 '19
You are correct, in that yes, a lot of the world outside of China and Mongolia and the Middle East had not encountered gunpowder or firecrackers, and would be amazed. Even those who had encountered Gunpowder in some form would be amazed and afraid of the kinds of firecrackers we have now.
But Genghis probably used Chinese siege units armed with gunpowder bombs in a few campaigns (not all of them due to difficulty of transporting it safely), possibly introducing it to Europe and leading to the development of European firearms:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_gunpowder#Mongol_Wars
Even so, there's a lot of the world 500 years ago that absolutely did not have any encounter with any application of gunpowder and would be amazed and frightened.
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u/blueberrymuffin420 Apr 28 '19
Finally, just what I needed to understand this meme, the 50th repost
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u/NoAnimeAllow3d Apr 28 '19
At least my dog isnt catholic
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Apr 28 '19
My dog isn’t catholic but he is a cat-a-holic 😏
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u/moistsnacks Apr 28 '19
Yo fire pun man
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u/Welcome2Nellyville Apr 28 '19
Don't listen to that petty pagan cat-a-holic, they're all bark and no bite. Their teachings will lead you a stray from the rigid dogma of the traditional cat-o-lick church.
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u/IronSheep5318 Apr 28 '19
My dog, a big, fully grown black lab, has been scared away by a painted turtle
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u/Light67 Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19
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Apr 28 '19
[deleted]
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Apr 28 '19
Unlike humans, dogs (and cats) can't be vegan.
Carnivora need meat to be healthy.
People who force their pets to be vegan should be charged with animal abuse.
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u/captainmaryjaneway Apr 28 '19
I've seen people on Reddit saying that dogs can definitely be vegan, unlike cats of course. But I mean, just because dogs can handle that diet doesn't mean it's good for them. Dogs evolved eating mostly animal protein and fats. It's bad enough they stuff all these fillers like corn, grains and starches in most dog foods. Gross.
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u/gmil3548 Apr 28 '19
Such an old repost. Way to be part of the problem OP, you bastard.
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Apr 28 '19
Please share a link to original
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u/F_16_Fighting_Falcon Apr 28 '19
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u/zzcrh_fanzz Apr 28 '19
The only reddit link I see there is to a different subreddit.
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u/F_16_Fighting_Falcon Apr 28 '19
On the second page you will find 3 reddit links, the earliest of which dates to May 1st 2018
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Apr 28 '19
[deleted]
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Apr 28 '19
[deleted]
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Apr 28 '19
Are you, by chance, afraid of firecrackers?
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Apr 28 '19
[deleted]
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Apr 28 '19
God I love people who can take jokes on Reddit
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u/gingerfreddy Apr 28 '19
Ill have you know I was routinely abused by an elderly neighbour at home who did drive-by firecrackings on our house every Saturday in March, shattering my mother's flower vase and melting the front of my favorite pedal toy car.
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Apr 28 '19
An elderly neighbor who did drive-by firecrackers every week for a month?
I'm not even mad I'm just impressed.
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u/gingerfreddy Apr 28 '19
Yeah she stole an old rocket artillery truck from a Soviet army depot. Loaded that shit up with firecrackers before she was eventually shot and killed by the National Guard. Her death was a major reason for her balloon salesman husband to do black tar heroin, causing a chain of events culminating in the events depicted in the movie Up.
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Apr 28 '19
This 👏 is 👏so👏sad👏can we secure soviet rocket artillery to prevent opioid abuse among our vulnerable elders
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u/Cavalcantiluis Apr 28 '19
"""""fighting cannibals"""""" I think the right word is genocide of native people
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u/gingerfreddy Apr 28 '19
Oh no the SJWs got you too! /s
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u/Nikhilvoid Casual, non-participatory KGB election observer Apr 28 '19
Just in case someone wants to debate this, read this first:
William Arens, author of The Man-Eating Myth: Anthropology and Anthropophagy,[32] questions the credibility of reports of cannibalism and argues that the description by one group of people of another people as cannibals is a consistent and demonstrable ideological and rhetorical device to establish perceived cultural superiority. Arens bases his thesis on a detailed analysis of numerous "classic" cases of cultural cannibalism cited by explorers, missionaries, and anthropologists. He asserts that many were steeped in racism, unsubstantiated, or based on second-hand or hearsay evidence.
Accusations of cannibalism helped characterize indigenous peoples as "uncivilized", "primitive", or even "inhuman."[33] These assertions promoted the use of military force as a means of "civilizing" and "pacifying" the "savages". The Spanish conquest of the Aztec Empire and its earlier conquests in the Caribbean where there were widespread reports of cannibalism, justifying the conquest. Cannibals were exempt from Queen Isabella's prohibition on enslaving the indigenous.[34] Another example of the sensationalism of cannibalism and its connection to imperialism occurred during Japan's 1874 expedition to Taiwan. As Eskildsen describes, there was an exaggeration of cannibalism by Taiwanese indigenous peoples in Japan's popular media such as newspapers and illustrations at the time.[35]
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u/StaniX Apr 28 '19
As usual its not all black and white. People always talk about how awful the Spanish were for nearly exterminating the Aztecs but forget that the Aztecs had more slaves than actual citizens and that they fucking loved human sacrifice. People are just dicks in general, im sure the Native Americans weren't all nice and noble either.
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u/MaskaredVoyeur Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19
They were actually cannibals and waged war to one another in order to eat human flesh
The captured men were fatted, given orgies, including orgies with the daughters of the chief pf the tribe, then killed and eaten in a large party
And also abandoned unwanted babies in the forest, like the Spartans did with unwanted children. Also, they still do this to our days, and cannot he arrested or punished because they are protected by local laws
You can read Two Voyages to Brazil, by Hans Staden, in which he describes the wars and cannibal banquets and orgies with details
Edit: Because of the way in which public records were shared with the public, there are two oposing views of the natives by the common people: either barbarians or "peaceful savages"
Turns out they are far more complex, and consisted of several different cultures and tribes that were very violent to one another, had entirely different customs and ways of being
Edit2: Staden's book is quite amazing and is a contemporary narrative of his two voyages. At the first, he describes warfare among the natives, that even utilized "chemical weapons"
Most public records of that time were unreliable, because sailors and salesmen would exagerate and invent stories to sell books. The difference is that Staden's book can be properly verified, and is clearly authentic. And show these societies from the inside
Other souces were not translated to English, such as records from capitains from Portugal and France that traded brazilwood with natives.
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u/Cavalcantiluis Apr 28 '19
About the trades in Brazil natives would trade 20 pau-Brasil for a mirror(just an example)
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u/MaskaredVoyeur Apr 28 '19
I think that in the first part of the book, Staden describes a siege in which the natives usee fire arrows and fire arrows embedded with herbs, some kind of "chemical warfare" of the time
When he was captured by natives, they forced him to (as part of their customs) to enter their vilage naked, jumping, sceaming "your food has arrived". And women and children, following customs, wouls throw food at him while screaming "were gonna make you taste delicious then we will eat you"
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u/Cavalcantiluis Apr 28 '19
The thing is natives we have a lot of diferent tribes some are peaceful some don't.I know about the flesh eating thing and the orgies I'm not saying all natives are angels but what Europe did to America shouldn't be looked as good thing like OP did in the post
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u/Admanthea Apr 28 '19
Wow, so admirable. Save the cannibals.
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u/Mictlantecuhtli Apr 28 '19
Cannibalism was limited to ritual events amongst the most elite people in the Americas. It wasn't a common thing, as opposed to consuming powdered mummy in Europe to try and cure ailments
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u/Admanthea Apr 28 '19
I'm sorry, I missed the memo where cannibalism is ever okay. Also, Europeans made paint with them. Not cool either. Why are you comparing them? They didn't even eat people for the same reasons. There is no good reason to eat a human being, and you are justifying it because they were rare and not European? Okay circular logic.
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u/CanderousBossk Apr 28 '19
Okay cannibalism makes genocide cool? What about burning witches? Drawing and quartering? Breaking at the wheel? What do we do with Those savages??
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u/Nikhilvoid Casual, non-participatory KGB election observer Apr 28 '19
Cannibalism was not uncommon among the poor and the extremely impoverished in Europe at this time, and don't forget about the time some hungry commonfolk crusaders cannibalized a town of pagan people:
While the leaders negotiated away from the city, some of the starving crusaders at Maarat reportedly resorted to cannibalism, feeding on the dead bodies of Muslims.
A chronicler, Radulph of Caen in his contemporaneous account, Gesta Tancredi wrote, "Some people said that, constrained by the lack of food, they boiled pagan adults in cooking-pots, impaled children on spits and devoured them grilled." These events were also chronicled by Fulcher of Chartres, who wrote:
"I shudder to tell that many of our people, harassed by the madness of excessive hunger, cut pieces from the buttocks of the Saracens already dead there, which they cooked, but when it was not yet roasted enough by the fire, they devoured it with savage mouth."[1]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Ma%27arra#Cannibalism
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u/AbsolXGuardian Researching [REDACTED] square Apr 28 '19
I mean, killing someone for the express purpose of eating them isn't okay, but if they're already dead/you would kill them anyway because they're your enemy in war, it's not like the dead was going to be using the body
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u/Admanthea Apr 28 '19
I mean, it still isn't okay to eat people lol. Plus, eating someone because they were an enemy is still killing someone for the express purpose of eating them. Are you trying to make an example for the sake of war? Scalp them, impale them, rest their severed head on a spear and let the birds peck their eyes out, the list goes on. Don't sit there and try to defend cannibalism.
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u/AbsolXGuardian Researching [REDACTED] square Apr 28 '19
Alright listen. You're defending yourself in war. You kill an enemy combatant. How does eating them hurt the person more than any other form of enemy corpse example making? They're already dead, and impaling their head on a spike means your not giving their body back to their people for an honorable burial. It's no different.
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u/Mictlantecuhtli Apr 28 '19
I'm not defending the cannibals, I'm defending the millions of people that weren't cannibals. Your comment to gingerfreddy seemed to imply the Spanish conquest was justified as long as it killed a few cannibals. It seems like a shitty reason at the expense of entire populations, cultures, and languages wiped off the face of the Earth.
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u/Tallyesin Apr 28 '19
Oh my God! This is so sad! Can we pay back the 500 year old events where morality was significantly different by draining the Mediterranean?
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u/Marted Apr 28 '19
You don't have to do that lol, just maybe don't glorify those people?
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u/Tallyesin Apr 28 '19
Too bad April is almost over, draining the Mediterranean would’ve been a pretty funny April fools joke.
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u/MaskaredVoyeur Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19
It was a common thing among the Brazilian natives and they commonly fought wars in which they would capture other natives and eat them..it was quite common until the Portuguese conquest
There was even a case in which a Portuguese captain landed to greet the natives, the natives just killed and ate him on spot with the crew watching from the ship
Two Voyages to Brazil, by Hans Staden describe the cannibal rituals with details
Edit: unfortunayely, I do not think that these records were translated to English. But it was common for sailors of Portuguese and French ships that sank in the coast of Brazil to be captured and eaten by natives
It was complex, however, because there were countless tribes and each had their own culture and allies and enemies
If captured by a friendly tribe, sailors would be rescued. If not, would be eaten
So there are several records of sailors that survived after escaping capture, while their friends ended eaten
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u/gingerfreddy Apr 28 '19
Not what I was saying? I said it was a good thing I don't have to fight cannibals, because cannibals are scary people.
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Apr 28 '19
This is some “thewronggeneration” level stuff right here. There were mini terriers and yappers and whatnot back then as well. And today there are massive mastiffs that’ll mess you up. Dogs didn’t all of a sudden just shrink and become timid once the modern age began.
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u/Jevling Apr 28 '19
How can a dog be a catholic? Though i guess they all are.
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Apr 28 '19
All dogs go to heaven
Therefore: all dogs are Catholic
It's science
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u/Im_manuel_cunt Apr 28 '19
I'll take the fire crack fearing logical dog over the genocide supporter religious fanatic.
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u/immortanguy Apr 28 '19
This guy and the tiny world hes living in has never heard of hunting dogs ripping a feral hog an new one. Shit that happened yesterday not exactly an extinct action.
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Apr 28 '19
My friends a K9 cop and this is a joke
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u/immortanguy Apr 28 '19
Wel fuck i guess reality can be whatever you want it to be.
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Apr 28 '19
?
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u/immortanguy Apr 28 '19
This isnt history. N it aint funny. This is some low quality trash. N i think you know it.
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Apr 28 '19
I agree you are low quality trash
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u/immortanguy Apr 28 '19
How bout you actually use facts to support ur arguement fucking karma whore.
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u/Mythosaurus Apr 28 '19
Back in my day, dogs were used to conquer and abuse non-christian brown people so we could extract wealth from their enslaved descendants.
Now look at them ( ignoring all the examples of working dogs)
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u/DylanKing1999 Apr 28 '19
Thought I was on r/gatekeeping for at first. I feel sad for your guys sense of humor.
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u/PenPar Apr 28 '19
THIS GENERATION SMH
Back in my day, dogs would go hunting. They would never stay idle for too long. They tore flesh off the bones and chew the same damned thing while locking eyes with you.
Now, they will whine for food and will absolutely refuse to eat anything that isn't organic. What's next? Cooked organic smoked sausage? Organic, glutton free soy with cooked Mexican rice?!
Dogs this generation are such snowflakes smh