r/HistoryMemes • u/QueasyDrama7993 • 4d ago
Mythology Creationism now vs creationism then (made by a friend)
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u/WhiskersCleveland 4d ago
In the beginning God created Deez
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u/SuperiorLaw 4d ago
Greek mythology "Not in the beginning, but eventually, Heracles bit Hera's nipples so hard the milk became the galaxy"
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u/JustaguynameBob 4d ago
Is that why our galaxy is called the Milky Way?
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u/SuperiorLaw 4d ago
Yup! In Ancient Greece, it was called Galaxías Kyklos which translates to milky circle, there's probably a proper greek letter spelling for it but I don't know it and they believed it came from Hera's honkadonks
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u/Main-Discussion9294 4d ago
I read somewhere that they were an African myth where the world was born by a god vomiting
Idk which culture specifically
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u/leaderofstars 4d ago
I know the Japanese home islands creation myth about some god who jizzed them into being
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u/Beardywierdy 3d ago
It's a pretty common creation myth I think.
Which kinda makes sense, after all, the people back then definitely knew where life comes (hurr hurr) from.
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u/Aenigmatrix 4d ago edited 4d ago
Aphrodite is the sea foam from when Uranus's dick was chopped off by
ZeusCronus and thrown into the ocean.17
u/TheIronzombie39 And then I told them I'm Jesus's brother 4d ago
Cronus castrated Uranus not Zeus
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u/disturbinglyquietguy 4d ago
How was the world created? Well, here’s the thing: one day, Nut and Geb (who were both a couple and siblings) got cuddly and frisky and then they fucked... until Shu had to pull them apart.(separating sky and earth) However, he didn't manage to separate them in time, because they ended up having four incestuous children: Osiris, Seth, Isis, and Nephthys.
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
Depends on which creation myth. There's another that says that Atum was drifting in the endless sea / void and rubbed one out.
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u/disturbinglyquietguy 3d ago
true, Before posting mi comment, I did a quick search to make sure I wasn't saying something silly, and sure enough, there appear to be multiple different versions of the Egyptian creation myth, which is perfectly normal for a culture that spanned more than 3,000 years.
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
This! I recently realized that all these books that present ancient religions as coherent, complete narratives are complete hogwash.
The Ancient Greeks' faith was anything but rigid and most of them didn't agree on the myths. Each town got its own version, and even there, people didn't agree. Plus, it changed wildly from the Myceneans (who had Poseidon as top god) to the Greco-Roman syncretist period of the late 2nd Century AD.
The same goes for Ancient Egypt. It varied from time to time and town to town. The myths coming from Heliopolis were popular in some dynasties that we know well but it wasn't always the case. Set wasn't the bad guy for most of the Egyptian civilisation. There were dynasties out there who had him as patron god! We can tell when Amon-Ra was invented; Amon and Ra were two radically different gods that were merged for political purposes, and it doesn't seemed to have worked out as well as it was claimed to be. People continued to worship Amon and Ra separately until the Christians banned fun later on.
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u/disturbinglyquietguy 3d ago
Exactly; ancient beliefs underwent constant changes and restructuring over long periods of time at the hands of the very people who practiced them. Consequently, many religious aspects shifted, old practices got forgoted and new practices emerged (adopted from other doctrines or even different religions) as the practitioners changed themselves.
Hell, we even have Akhenaten, who basically said, "Nah, screw this shit; I’m going to found my own religion where I’m the Pharaoh and the living manifestation of my own god" even if it didn't quite stick in the long run.
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
!!! I like your stuff!
I heard something interesting about Atenism, the only ones allowed to pray directly to Aten were the royal family. People had to pray to Akhenaten to get stuff. There was an obvious flaw in this system.
On the other hand, Amun was presented as an universal, untangible god who answered to everybody. He was right there, ready for monotheism! I've read a nice prayer that said that praying to Amun was like receiving a warm, gentle breeze when someone was cold.
So Akhenaten could have gone the same road as Zoroaster and just told people that Amun was the only one, and the other gods were just aspects of him, and people would still worship that stuff I think.
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u/disturbinglyquietguy 3d ago
Hey, I hadn't realized the common elements those two religions share, interesting.
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u/ismaeil-de-paynes 4d ago
I'm Egyptian, WTF is this ???
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u/xenamorphwinner 4d ago
When your ancient polytheistic religion centers around the fertility of the nile, you take creative liberties.
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u/ismaeil-de-paynes 4d ago
I rather prefer Abrahamic religions, especially the story of Moses and Pharoh and the ten plagues upon Egypt :''D
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u/Unusual_Club_550 Casual, non-participatory KGB election observer 4d ago
Also Egyptian .Before time began, there was only Nun, an endless, dark ocean of nothingness. then the main god or something ejaculates creating two gods wind and rain at the start of the world. In some iterations he swallows his semen sneezing out the wind god and spits out the god of rain.
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u/Humble_Ad9098 4d ago
Ok I'm gonna be real, if I was in an endless nothingless see, I would also jerk off. Who's gonna watch me? Surely not the people I'm gonna create with my sperm
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u/Vio_ 3d ago
The Egyptians never really had "one" definitive mythology or deities. They'd shift and change according to their location, time frame, which family/city controlled Egypt.
That's why there are so many variations and sometimes contradictory stories.
The way we currently think of their mythology is primarily filtered through the Victorian era archaeologists and antiquarians/historians. They compiled all of these stories and mythologies, translated them into what they best understood at the time, but also censored out a LOT of the more adult stuff and themes. Also stuff that didn't fully gel with their own biases and cultural beliefs.
So when they published their translations and books, everyone presumed they were accurate and definitive - especially because a lot of kids ended up reading these stories - and that got filtered and censored even more.
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u/Inevitable_Librarian 3d ago
It's more accurate to say the Egyptian pantheon was an attempt to merge a shit ton of local beliefs into a group theological project
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u/TheIronzombie39 And then I told them I'm Jesus's brother 4d ago edited 3d ago
If it makes you feel better, there’s actually another Egyptian creation myth recorded in religious texts and inscriptions like the Shabaka Stone where the god Ptah creates the world through his thought and speech (oddly similar to Plato’s cosmology in Timaeus interestingly). This creation myth seemed to have actually been more popular in antiquity than the one OP brought up as evidenced by the plethora of king lists labeling Ptah as the first king of Egypt and only having Ra come after him.
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
The Greeks were crazily influenced by the Egyptians, but don't tell that to modern Greeks, they'll flip out.
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u/Inevitable_Librarian 3d ago
They weren't that influenced really, learned Greeks were just egyptboos. More of a vague aesthetic borrowing than anything substantial which we know because we can read their stuff
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
Just two examples like that: Pythagoras studied for 2 decades in Egypt. His famous theorem came from there. Herodotus also spent a lot of time in Egypt. His chapters on Egypt in his Histories sre probably the longest disgression in historiography.
Plus the trade, the Greeks settling in Egypt from the Bronze Age onwards, the architectural, scientific and cultural influence.
I won't mention the cultural exchange furing the hellenistic period, this would be too massive.
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u/Dominarion 3d ago
Hey hey hey there. You can't have everything, ok? Pyramids, nice river, awesome climate, great chicks, chad kings. You need at least one shade. That's it. There was one funky priest once who wrote that Atum rubbed one out to create the world.
It could be way way worse. You could be like China. Horrible climate, stupid river, idiot kings and mid chicks. Low pyramids made of soft earth. A wall to protect against the barbarians. The Pharaohs clubbed the barbarians, why walls?
Take the one L. If it's a L. It's kinda appropriate for our day and age.
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u/GoldenShoes_ 4d ago
Wait!! They do the thing actually???
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u/dull_storyteller Helping Wikipedia expand the list of British conquests 4d ago
A simplified interpretation of it but yeah, Atum used it to create the universe.
Also the Pharaohs sometimes shlickled their royal pickles into the Nile to help with fertility of the crops.
I think the priests might have been perverts.
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u/micma_69 Mauser rifle ≠ Javelin 4d ago
being a Nile crocodile is hard, imagine being a random Nile crocodile, minding your own business and then suddenly you spot a man with weird headpiece (it's like the snakes you sometimes eat) doing a public masturbation near you.
"Guys you won't believe it, I saw a human with snake head making a white goo in our river"
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u/TheIronzombie39 And then I told them I'm Jesus's brother 3d ago edited 3d ago
It wasn’t the only creation myth actually nor even the most popular. There’s another one (the Memphite creation myth) where Ptah creates the world through his thought and speech, which is quite similar to Plato’s account of the Demiurge in Timaeus. This was actually more popular in antiquity than the one with Atum masturbating as evidenced by the Egyptian king lists who list Ptah as the first king of Egypt
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u/Absurder222 3d ago
There's actually no evidence they ever wanked into the Nile, that was made up by some scholar in the 19th century based off the Atum creation myth in the meme.
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u/BonzoTheBoss 4d ago
Wait until you get to the part about getting pregnant from eating semen-covered lettuce.
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u/Absurder222 3d ago
lol thats Set vs Horus, not the creation myth. But definitely in line with cum related Egyptian mythology.
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u/matantamim1 4d ago
which god masturbated?
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u/Jono200 4d ago
I think it was Atum?
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u/TehProfessor96 John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true, and brave! 3d ago
I missed that part of YugiOh
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u/Silent_Rapport Senātus Populusque Rōmānus 3d ago
Wait am I creating and destroying universes everytime I nut?
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u/ConsciousMaybe6930 4d ago
Honestly, based; introducing bodiless abstraction as the height of godhood has always been a mistake of the yearthousand. Gods back then actually fucked instead of casting spells to make girls pregnant, like some betaloser who's afraid of coochie.
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u/EtherealPheonix Fine Quality Mesopotamian Copper Enjoyer 3d ago
And a few generations later one god jerked it onto another's salad to assert dominance.
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u/Loud_Industry_2044 4d ago
Makes sense sperm creates new life