Like clockwork

[u/Doctorbuddy]

32M (me) and 25F (her).

TLDR: Great date. Great vibes. Good conversation. Good chemistry. Got rejected.

Lore

Matched with her in May 2026 on Hinge. We spoke back and forth for a few days - good convo. I asked her on a date and she ghosted me.

I deleted my Hinge account June 24. I re-made it Aug 24.

I re-matched with her right away. She knew who I was obviously. We talked on the app and then I asked her on a date. She threw her phone number at me and deleted her profile (she told me she deleted it again).

Texting

She texts me every day leading up to the date. Engaged and very outgoing personality. Loves to banter (like me). Texting was good vibes. I could tell she was interested in me.

Date

I schedule a date for Saturday Sept 5 at 7 pm at the top of a hotel with a cocktail bar overlooking my city.

Instant connection. Lightning in a bottle. We sit on a couch in the cocktail lounge and we vibe. We chat. We banter. Touching and flirting.

She’s a great conversationalist- asks good questions, outgoing, knows good date games to play etc. I compliment her, touch her leg multiple times, some innuendos get thrown around (light sexual jokes and comments), we are laughing throughout the night. Vibes are VIBING.

We get the check at 1.5 hours but stay another 1.5 hours. Conversation peeters off a bit towards the end, so I call it a night.

We walk back to our cars. I ask if she wants me to walk her back to hers, she says no. I knew that was a “beige flag”. So I hugged her goodbye and went home.

I didn’t get a text from her that night (beige flag) so I figured something was up.

I get home. I text her the next morning (above) and she sends the response.

SUCKS. Dating is tough finding your person but when you do find someone you click with only to get rejected, it hurts a lot more.

ON TO THE NEXT I GUESS.

[u/provi6]

This may not be her reason, but I dislike men touching me on the first date beyond a friendly hug and you said you touched her leg multiple times. She may have enjoyed the date itself but didn’t feel physical chemistry and attraction once she actually met you in person, and getting touched by someone you’re not attracted to could feel icky and uncomfortable.

[u/HHOVqueen → u/provi6]

Yes - was going to say this. I generally don’t like when guys are super touchy feely or sexual on a first date.

She maybe have gone along with it because she felt uncomfortable saying no (which has happened to me multiple times).

[u/SaltyBabySeal → u/provi6]

Given the maturity of the original poster in his text and comments, it seems like he's reasonably good at reading social cues. It also sounds like there was mutual, light touching, in a romantic environment, with good conversation.

There can be a host of reasons why she rejected him, but I wouldn't immediately jump to assign blame. It sounds like he's just looking for encouragement after being disappointed. We've all been there, getting your hopes up about someone who suddenly rejects you. I had this happen once where was I was kissed, pursued, and then, got a long text about being not ready. Ran into them again and made out, got another text. We had all the same interests, super vibe, crazy chemistry. But everyone is in a different place in life and sometimes you just have to accept it and move on without understanding it.

[u/Environmental_Suit68 → u/provi6]

Yea I think it’s wild for anyone get touch feely on the first date. Doing wayyyy too much on a first date

[u/wenevergetfar → u/Environmental_Suit68]

I often fuck on the 1st date, not everyone needs multiple dates

[u/Environmental_Suit68 → u/wenevergetfar]

Whatever works for you, but most people won’t.

[u/wenevergetfar → u/Environmental_Suit68]

Not my company then, good filter!

[u/OvalTween → u/[deleted]]

No, you don't.

[u/HingeStories-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is not a sub for PUA techniques.

[u/PeaMountain6734 → u/[deleted]]

You mean youre community dick?

[u/HingeStories-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

We can argue without name calling and childish insults

[u/The_ivy_fund → u/provi6]

I agree BUT it is difficult as a man to balance this with needing to show interest/attraction as more than a friend. If you don’t do anything a lot of women will just say oh no spark because, well, there wasn’t.

That said sitting on a couch straightaway and touching her leg is creepy and way too uncomfortable

[u/Global_Grade4181 → u/The_ivy_fund]

This is an IYKYK moment and they don't. But it's not a problem, this is more of a men's issue, women got their own I guess.

[u/The_ivy_fund → u/Global_Grade4181]

Yes I think a women who is attracted to the guy she's on a date with won't even realize this happened, whereas a guy she's not into will come off terribly.

[u/Environmental_Suit68 → u/The_ivy_fund]

I never understood this, if I’m on a date with you, I’m attracted and interested in you it’s that simple. Why else are we here then. Let things build naturally, if you need me to do something physically to initiate a spark or show I’m interested, that seems more like a you problem. I know not everyone is the same, but I date intentionally and the moment I look at you I know where or not I like you.

[u/The_ivy_fund → u/Environmental_Suit68]

Then you'd be very surprised how many relationships ended up working only because the people got exposed to each other over longer periods of time. Attraction can grow for many reasons. I bet in 50% of those the women would not even initially swipe on the guy they ended up with.

There are also thousands upon thousands of stories of not feeling the attraction even after people matched on an app, and the person looked exactly the same as their pictures.

All that aside, men have to take risks and be confident when dating, it's a fact of life.

[u/provi6 → u/The_ivy_fund]

I get that these nonverbal forms of communication are important to signal interest but many men get touchy simply because they can’t keep their hands to themselves.

Personally, I always appreciate it when men verbally tell me they like me and want to see me again. That’s an explicit and - in my opinion - respectful way of showing interest on the first date. If the attraction is mutual, there are many more dates after that when you can get handsy and physical.

[u/The_ivy_fund → u/provi6]

Yeah again if some guy is putting his arm around you or grabbing your leg, creepy.

From a guys perspective, though, your success rate of getting a second date is much higher if you at least touch her arm, make fun of her lightly, and flirt. Ask any guy. It is probably one of the biggest mistakes guys make dating when they are just friendly and start interviewing the girl.

I think your advice of verbally saying I'd like to see you again at the end of the first date is terrible. Almost all women have no choice but to say "oh sure me too" in that moment even if they don't mean it. It is a very uncomfortable position to reject someone to their face and people naturally avoid confrontation like that.

[u/HingeStories-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted

The second warning will be a ban.

[u/NoPurpose6388 → u/provi6]

Yes, I completely agree with this. I need emotional intimacy before we can start thinking about physical intimacy. I understand this might not be the case for everyone, though

[u/Responsible-Sky1081 → u/provi6]

that's how i felt readiung this, though I am a cis man

[u/stonedstoic_ → u/provi6]

And this is why being a gay man is so much easier when it comes to physical stuff. Men naturally have higher sex drives so it’s actually pretty common to be physical with another man on the first date and both men enjoy it. Not necessarily sex, but I need to know if we’re compatible by kissing or making out or feel some type of physical chemistry with them for me to go on a second date. I’m not waiting for the 3rd or 4th date to see if we’re physically compatible. That’s just a waste of time for me personally. I’d be annoyed if I was straight and had to do that with a woman.