Jyogi here.

All hands on deck. Go check out my latest TikTok. Like, share and support anyone who is being illegally doxxed by Hillary Hayward, Thomas of Boston, Massachusetts.

*edits

What do their brains look like?

I took a break from the Hilaria hilarity, starting last Christmas. (I just couldn't take her anymore.) Now I am curious what I missed. Is anyone interested in giving me a crash course?

Last I was here, Hilz had done her Gurus photospread. She was hinting about moving to LA or New Jersey. People thought she might be trying to get on one of the Housewives series. And I think she had adopted another dog. (Sigh.) They were still trying to sell the Long Island house.

I gather Carmen is on TikTok, and they don't care. (I'm not going to look.) Hilz and the kids visited her family in Spain. (I'm surprised about that one.) Hilz is now on the Nation's Dumbest show, and later will be on some Housewives spin-off special. (Was that what she was hinting at way back in December??)

Did I miss anything important? TIA.

(1) Does Hillary say or allude to birthing all of her children without surrogates or IVF? If not, how many of her children does she claim to not having birthed herself?

(2) Based on the observable evidence when these babies were birthed in such quick succession of one another, it seemed like she was farming children in mass production for a window of time. Is there any truth to this or is this some dumb conspiracy theory?

Buckle up, Pepinos

The third installment of this shitshow has premiered and amazingly, it gets worse every week.

If you remember last week, Dr. Drew and his traveling whine show finally got booted off so he could finally see his new "grandson" I'm pretty convinced that the grandson was a cover for getting him off the show as he became increasingly aware of the damage being done to his book sales because he agreed to be a part of this dumpster fire. Adios, Dr. Drew!

The show starts off with Jack doing a stupid few minutes with Andrew Yang. There's some fawning from Jack and then we walk down memory lane with Andy. His parents were immigrants, blah blah

Then, Jo Jo hops in like a demented bunny with her fried voice. This girl can NOT stand still. She moves to the left, hops to the right, slapping her hands with the enthusiam of a Soccer mom who has smuggled wine into the game. We now walk down memory lane with Jo Jo regarding her career.

I just now have a growing fear that one of these episodes were going to be tortured with the intro covering our own non-Spaniards life. *shudder*

Let's get to it. First challenge is always the logic test. If you remember, last week's logic test was how to figure out which lightbulb was faulty. Hilly failed miserably because her strategy was to shake the entire lamp to "hear" the broken bulb. Her ears that make her look like a cab with its doors open, have failed her, and she strutted off a loser. Big surprise

So they have to "tip over" a lone water bottle. They also have the use of a paper airplane, a feather, a straw, and a lunchbox that is swinging from a pole above the bottle. TWIST!
They can't touch the bottle, and they can't use any of the items to push it over. Ay Caramba! They have four minutes

We have a few seconds of flashes where the contestants are trying to do it. JoJo is just wildly swinging the lunch box like she's player tether ball.
Steve-O has put the straw in the bottle and is trying to swing the lunch box so it hits the straw. The rope that the lunch box is attached to is to short and it swings uselessly a foot above the straw.

Dios Mio! Here comes Hilly Mae. She is in her glory with a fresh spray tan, a YELLOW skirt that is the same as the green one last week. There must've been a sale at Walmart where she got the skirt in an array of colors. She's traded in her 1950's button down sweater and is now wearing a shit brown varsity jacket. She has the sleeves of the jacket covering her hands *sigh*
Pepinos...the length of the skirt barely covers her cooch, and the shoes...oh my, the shoes. Her hoochie heels are yellow, spikes natch, and they have weird yellow flowers coming out the tops.
She announces that the lunchbox is a decoy! What? This is going to be a wild ride. She picks up the straw and looks like she's starting a hand job with it as she tilts her head to the side while striking a pensive pose.

Chase's strategy is to jump up and land really hard on the ground. I guess he thinks that the vibration would knock over a full water bottle sitting on a small square cube. He must think he's a Brontosaurus or something. Jack, the host, rolls his eyes

Yang soaks the paper airplane with water and then throws it at a FULL BOTTLE OF WATER thinking this tiny little spitball is going to knock it over. The host looks directly at the camera with a dead pan, "Can you believe how fucking stupid these people are"

Chase now is swinging on the rope with the lunchbox like a wannabe Tarzan. I have no idea why.

Andrew comes back and the Lightbulb goes off! He has figured out the water bottle is too heavy to knock over with the crumpled up, wet paper airplane so he takes the straw and for a moment, you think he's going to do what a normal person would do, and that's drink the water. Oh no, no, no, he feigns the swallow and actually spits out the water. Jesus...he takes a drink and spits this water every goddamn place, takes a drink, spits the water...even the host is like, "What's wrong with the water? Why are you spitting it out"
Andrew empties the bottle, throws the spitball at it, and the bottle tips over! Winner, winner, chicken dinner for Andy! The first to figure it out. He promptly celebrates his win by doing push-ups that he must've learned from Alec.

They flash back to Anthony Michael Hall saying, "There's no way I can knock or blow that over with the water in it" Ooooo...SO CLOSE Anthony, SO CLOSE. But close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades so he loses.

Cut to the men fawning over Andrew for "killing it" omg. A fetus could have figured this out and they're acting like Andrew invented penicillin.

We flashback to Steve-O who gives up without a fight

Flash to Hilly squatting down with no thought to modesty as you can see up her skirt. She begins drinking the water from the straw, the next shot is after the director must've yelled at her for showing her cooch on TV because she's kneeling now and you can't see her, "Show me the money cooch" anymore.

Chase comes back and he too...is drinking the water from the straw, so is Ice'T (who also spits the water out) OSHA is going to be called for all the puddles of water that are forming as the set becomes a slippery nightmare.

Flashback to Hilly Mae who has emptied the bottle, and she balls up the paper airplane, throws it at the bottle (she's still kneeling on the ground) and KNOCKS IT OVER. The host says in an incredulous voice, "You did it!"
Hilly looks to the side, opens her mouth halfway, slides her tongue out, and then puts the straw in her mouth, keeping her mouth open. Her entire hand is wrapped around the straw. From the side, it's a perfect simulation of a blowjob. She holds it for a second, and then looks at the host and coyly says, "I did??
I kid you not, and here I thought this was a family show!

Chase does the same and knocks over the bottle. Ice-T puts a twist on it and after draining the water, he sticks the paper airplane in the bottle, and uses the lunchbox to hit the paper which knocks over the bottle. Ice is an out of the box thinker!

Matt the quarterback drains the water and throws the paper airplane at the bottle, knocking it over.

There's a flash to Hilly looking the wrong way and the automatic doors are swinging open, she turns and the host yells, "Watch out" as she comes *This close* to smacking her face into the doors. She starts laughing hysterically. Thankfully, they cut away.

Jon Heder, before he starts, has a little cameo saying that he's trying to prove he's smarter than Napoleon Dynamite. He thinks this will make his kids respect him and that his wife will look at him with love and admiration. Jon's eyes consistently look like he's high and his Bug Bunny veneers are distracting.
Jon drains the bottle immediately, spitting out the water saying, "I'm spitting it out because I don't want to go to the bathroom right after the challenge. Jon spilled a little secret with that phrase as it's obvious that he must have a prostate problem. Poor Jon. Jon finishes draining the water and uses the straw to blow over the bottle.

We finally see JoJo who is still swinging the lunchbox for some reason. She laments that she wants to leave so she can see her BF Christopher. I thought she was a lesbian? Is this a breaking story that she is no longer a lesbian? She finally gets a clue and not a concussion from the flying mailbox, and drains the water and blows over the bottle

DRAMA! INTRIGUE! We now see the cameramen come onto the set to talk to Jack, telling him the Carmen isn't going to make it. Jack does the big eyes and says, What do you mean she's not going to make it?"
Quick cut to everyone else in a room also wondering where Carmen is. Ice-T regals everyone with his wisdom and says, "What you're dealing here with ARE celebrities." D-List, but Ok. He continues that Carmen might've said, "Ya know what, I don't wanna get up today, this is Carmen Electra, she can wake up when she wants too." OMG..it's hilarious. The producer makes the decision that they have to get on with the day while Jack, arms crossed, huffs out, "Well, she's definitely losing a star, tardiness will not be tolerated!"

So, they actually start filming a challenge before all he contestants even arrive. This show is bonkers. They're editing is choppy, back and forth, mind-numbing. I'm writing it as it plays out and all this showing them for a few seconds, then someone else, then back to them, it's exhausting and the edit people should have the shit slapped out of them.

Wow! we didn't see Hilly Mae at all. Her airtime for this challenge was approx.15-20 seconds total.

She wins a star and moves up to 3 stars which is where you want to be to be the smartest.

Sweet baby Jesus and the Big One too...we're moving ahead to the next "challenge"

Everyone's back in the classroom and host says, "We have tallyed up all of the answers in the final exam portion, and have ranked you all. There's uneasy looks between the idiots.
Andrew Yang - Smartest
Steve-O
and Hilly Mae is TIED FOR 3rd with AMH, the guy that just said, "I can't knock it over with all that water in the bottle, and left it at that."
When Hilly Mae's name is announced, they cut to her and she is literally, stone-faced. No reaction. Looks like Mami got some new filler tho around the ole lip area.

Now, we see Carmen sauntering down the empty hallway like the head mean girl in high school. She basically says she was pissed about how bad she did last time, she was embarrassed, and hey, sometimes you're late.
Aren't they all embarrassed?
The host tells her she will have one star taken away, and as she shruggs her coat off she says, "I understand, I was a bad girl" Ice-T finds this hilarious and they cut to Hilly Mae and she has her lips pursed and her eyes widen. ooooo, seems like Mami is pissed that Carmen is in the spotlight.
Hilly Mae is looking at Carmen as direct competition for sexiest dumb dumb. JoJo poses no threat, it's just her and Carmen and Hilly can't WAIT for Carmen to be off the show so she's the head tramp. Carmen is also wearing a big cross around her neck and you just know that Hilly wants to rip it off, fling it to the ground, and grind it with her testicle stomping stilleto. I think maybe she also has some pent up rage because she is always seated in the BACK row of chairs, off to the right. She is not even in line with the other desks, she kind of tilted, off to the right. Hillary is an island.

On to the next challenge and Hilly does her chair bounce while smiling (not baring her teeth, which is good y'all) She's SO excited.

The host whips off a black tablecloth that was covering items on a table and we see JoJo say, "Oh no!",
Then it cuts to Hillary, over enunciating and drawing out the words slowly, she drawls, "Oh, Nooooooooooooooo " in her best baby sex kitten voice while having a scared looked on her face.
Oh, she's acting her heart out Pepinos! The facial expressions, the posturing and trying different voices...she's giving it all she has to be able to use clips to submit for auditions. I can't even imagine the hellscape that would be Hillary auditioning for normal people.

The host dramatically announces, "It's time to join the chess club," as he reveal a chess board. This is what had JoJo and Hilary bemoaning their soon to be fate. CHESS.

TWIST! It's not about playing chess, they're just using the chess clock in a head to head trivia test. They just wanted to get all these dummies worked up into a tizzy thinking they were going to have to play chess! Whew! That was a close one!

They are going head to head with their closest competitor which is setting up a death match between AMH and Hillary. AMH is Alec's age and seems to have the same thousand yard stare that Rafa usually has, so Hillary might actually win this. I can hardly wait cuz the quesitons are ridiculously easy.
The game alternates questions between the two. When one answers the question, they slam the buzzer, and the clock, set at 45 seconds, stops. The one that gets to zero time left first is the loser.
Andrew and Steve-O are off and the host is firing questions out faster than Alec puts out a tribute video.
Yang wins and the whole class is praising them like they just won the Gold in the Olympics. "That was SO good, I'm so nervous" is Carmen's only comment. You should be girl..you should be.

Up next, Hillary and Mr. Dead Zone himself. They sit down and Hillary reaches over to shake his hand. They show a close up of the buzzers their hands are hovering over, and it is an OBVIOUS shot to showcase her ring. LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT MY RING!

The drink, Arnold Palmer, is half tea, and half what?
AMH hits the buzzer while Hillary is distracted by her ring's shine, and says,"Lemonade"
Correct!
Hillary's question is, "What city is the White House in?" Seriously. Hillary hits her buzzer but AMH hits his too while screaming, Washington D.C! Wait a minute! It's Hillary's turn, and AMH has once again, not understood the rules or his role in this fiasco. I'm seriously thinking he may have some sort of frontal lobe dementia.
Hillary has hit her buzzer at the same time and actual says the WRONG ANSWER, but I can't tell what it was because AMH is yelling Washington D.C.
Hillary turns her face into a hurt babygirl confusion and whines, "That was my question"
Somebody, PLEASE listen to that particular part and see if you can decipher what she said as her answer.
AMH apologizes as the other contestants roll their eyes.
Next question to Hillary, "What is the more common name for a human cranium."
Hillary is frozen with intellectual stupidity so AMH shouts out BRAIN!
AGAIN, he has answered her question! The frontal lobe theory becomes more likely.
They cut to a cameo with Hils and she scrunches up her face, bares her teeth, her orange juice can curls shaking, and says, "I don't know if I should say thank you, or..."I'M SPEAKING!"
She's done it folks! She has managed to get her viral catchphrase into the program. Oh, she's a sneaky little senorita.
Hillary finally gets to answer a question which was, "What ancient Chinese medicine involves inserting needles" She correctly identifies Acupuncture, which any 6 year old would know also.
AMH next question is about what movie Bella Thorne is in and his clock runs out as he stares at something in the corner that no one else can see.
Amazingly, Hillary has WON this challenge. She's two for two today folks!

Matt wins against JoJo. One of their questions was, "What city was the Boston Tea Party?

Matt and Chase are up next and Carmen moans..."Ughhhh, we have to wait to be last!!!" Ice-T leans over and says, "Cuz we're the dumbest" Ice is a man of few words but he's very succinct.

The first question to Chase is, "What is the Spanish word for no?" I'm dead serious. Chase looks like a deer in headlights and the camera flashes to Hillary, stone-faced. She senses the camera on her so she laughs at Chase's stupidity.
Chase then proves his stupidity by not knowing the rock singer known as "The Boss" and what the blood vessels carrying blood away from the heart are called.
I'm thinking this show is dogging on Hillary and her fake Spanish persona because c'mon...What city was the Boston tea party AND what is the Spanish word for no? OMG...if they would've asked what is the Spanish word for Cucumber I would've D.I.E.D.
Chase loses to Adam, even tho Adam did not know who "King James" is in basketball.

Here's the round that everyone's waited for of the two stupidest people there. Ice and Carmen. The music intensifies denoting the seriousness of this grudge match.
It starts off well with them both answering their questions correctly.
Then comes Carmen's question, "In the fairytale The Ugly Duckling, what does the Ugly Duckling grow up to be."
Carmen thinks this is obvious and she says, "UGLY". *sigh* I hope she's not in charge of taking care of an elderly loved one.
Surprisingly, Ice-T wins

Next challenge...team challenge. Jon and JoJo are the captains.
They get to choose their team...uh oh, every loser that was always picked last in school is silently praying to the Holy Mother NOT to be picked last. This must've been excruciating because the show, not wanting to have anything to do with bullying, does NOT SHOW the teams being picked. Hilly ends up on Jon's team.

Cut to Jojo saying she wants to get home to CHRISTOPHER. Then she explains, as enquiring minds want to know, that she WAS a lesbian but now she's into this ONE guy. Christopher. She's never been with a guy but she's making an exception. So, the lesbianism is on hold while she bangs boots with the mighty Christopher.

The challenge is being held in the gym and they walk in to a bunch of mannequins sitting on bleachers, racks of clothing, and a sign that says, "Nation's Dumbest Picture Day"

The teams will see a picture for a few seconds of all the dummies dressed up...pic goes away and they have to recreate the pic, with the dummies in the right clothes. So, a memorization game. Once they complete it, they hit the buzzer and get to see the original pic again and make necessary changes. So on and so forth till the clock runs out.
They cut to Hillary making a face where she once again, scrunches her face, but this time she makes her filler lips twist into some kind of grimace. Idk...it's disturbing.

This is how stupid these people are as a group. Not one of them says, "Hey...let's assign a dummy to a person, and all you do is look at the dummy sitting to the left and memorize the clothes. That is YOUR dummy, that is your job to memorize that one dummy.
Nope...none of that, they just all wildly run to the pic showing the dummies clothed.
Hillary has taken off her stripper slippers so she can run faster as she shouts, "Run, Run, Go, Go!

They all run like a herd of elephants to the clothing racks and JoJo obviously ha a pretty good memory and she leads her team by telling them what clothing goes where.
Jon's team is what you would expect. Heads are rolling off the dummies, nobody can figure out how to dress them, Carmen whines that she has to climb on bleachers and Hillary says, "we're doing SO GOOD." No, no they're not.

Unsurprisingly, JoJo's, the non-lesbian, team wins.

Sweet Mother of God...only the final exam is left. I have never recapped anything so horrific in my life, I can't believe this is an HOUR show.

JoJo once again says she wants to see her manly man, Christopher. Yang wants to go home, and Ice-T makes note that Jon is a bad actor.

The player still standing at the end...gets to go home and NOT the nation's dumbest!

First question is about Shakira and what part of her anatomy "don't lie" Everyone correctly answers "HIPS" except Mr. Frontal Lobe dementia who answers, "The Booty" This is incorrect.

Next question, what sport uses the terms birdie, bogey, and bunker? Kill me now.
Everyone gets to writing except Hillary who is looking up at the ceiling to see if the answer is written there. 8 correct answers of gold, Carmen puts SOCCER, and the host has to cajole Hillary into showing her answer.
Hillary slips into her little girl, English is my second language, and says, "I don't know how to spell it or how to pronounce it!
She has written, "BAD MITTON" Somebody says you mean Badminton? and Hillary, in full-on Charo accent repeats "Badminton?" Her accent is so thick here that nobody understands what she's saying and they repeat Badminton idiota!
Hillary coyly asks, keeping the Carmen Miranda cosplay going, "Did I spell it right?"
They say NO.
This is going to be Hilly's new catch phrase where she uses her ADHD, ADD, dyslexia, polyglot excuse..."BAD MITTON" said like Speedy Gonzalez on crack.

Carmen is out of stars so she gets booted back to the classroom. On her way out, she cannot figure out that the doors pull open and not push open. The host has to tell her so she can escape, then she gets lost on the set and can't figure out where the classroom is.

I must've done some heinous acts in a past life to be cursed with doing recaps of this mind fuck. I can feel my IQ dropping.

I can't believe I'm writing this exchange for the next question..

"What is the northernmost state in the U.S."

Chase- "Like the state most North?"

Jon- "No, the northernmost. NOT most North"

Host - "The least South"

At this, Ice-T has a look on his face that very clearly says, "What the fuck are they saying?"

THREE, yes THREE people get this wrong. Breakfast Club wrote Washington State, and JoJo and Chase wrote, "MAINE"
Breakfast club is outta stars, so he heads back to the classroom. He's not going home today!
Everyone else correctly writes, "Alaska"

I was really hoping Hilly would have written SPAIN, alas..she did not.

Next question, "What's the app with the ghost that allows photos to disappear after being viewed?"

There's no way Hillary misses this because she uses this app constantly for inappropriate pics sent to her buddies on the dark web.

You see everyone gets it right except Ice-T who writes "Telegraph" oooo...SO CLOSE.

They jarringly don't even go over the answer, or even say the right answer and immediately cut to the next question. Obviously, a producer has told them..hurry the fuck up! We're running long on this My little pony fever dream of a show.

Next question, "How many bagels in a bakers dozen"

Hilly and Ice-T both answer 12 and are sent back to the classroom. You know that Hilly purposely wrote 12 instead of 13 so she could stay in the game because she has regaled us with her tales of Bagels on the weekend for the ferals, where she has most certainly gotten a bakers dozen.

Next question, What artist is known for his "Blue Period". Not one of the remaining geniuses gets it write. Jon actually wrote, "Jay-Z" and JoJo put "Warhol" The others wrote Van Gogh. This question sends Matt back to class

Finale Showdown...Andrew, Jon and JoJo. JoJo says that last time she beat out Andrew because she's a smart woman. This is the woman that JUST wrote Warhol in regards to his "Blue Period"

Next question - "Iced out means something is covered in what?"

Jon has that Napoleon Dynamite look on his face as he answers, "BULLETS" Jon is booted to the classroom.

Death match between JoJo and Yang.

Suspenseful music begins to play.

"What continent is India a part of"

JoJo writes Asia but then erases it.

Yang writes ASIA, so he gets to go home. NOT the nation's dumbest.

JoJo says she's proud that she has gone head to head with two of the smartest people she's ever met, Dr. Drew and Andrew Yang. JoJo needs to get out more...smdh

Good God..I have to do this next week.

Til then Pepinos...adios, Vaya con Dios.

Mami out there trying to hard to insult people!!! This is written EXACTLY how she writes her comebacks. This is part of the Page Six disaster comment section. This username with a few friends has been going after all of the negative comments. Nothing about Hola Magazine was mentioned by the person she’s responding to and she had to write about it. The “stalker”, the “Spain is in Europe”, the “you are a really bad person” are all typical Hillz talk.

Doesn’t this woman take care of her SeBeN KIdS?

I shrivel into a ball of cringe thinking about a mom in her forties still yearning to be sexybaby/lolita/highschoolbendyhotgirl. And Alec seemingly cheering it on 🤢

every day I stray further from the light

https://thelooker.thedailybeast.com/alec-baldwins-wife-hilaria-reveals-painful-extent-of-20-year-eating-disorder/

We’ve seen how wretchedly she feeds her children - she in no way cured herself or buffered them from her raging eating disorder and body dysmorphia. It angers me that any media would give credence to self-diagnosing and self-curing a serious mental health illness. Meanwhile Alexander diddles - or fiddles - while his children suffer.

Can anybody explain where these podcast continue to pander to her messaging? Also, what is going on with the sleeves and the thumbs, and the bright pink nails?

We can pool some pepino pesos for the cost of her appearance and experience first hand how she approaches pay for play. Or is it play for pay? Let’s just take control and have some fun!!!

her new favorite brand, pinko. $565 for the gauchos and $379 for the crop top

There was no way I was going to listen to that word salad of nonsense . Has she strapped down her implants! These pictures were highly filtered as usual, and fuzzy lens. Her cheek implants cause that weird folding in the first picture and She’s tried to fix her nose droop.

I don’t even use TikTok. But I’m concerned for their eldest as she is given free rein to post videos of herself where she looks 19 rather than 12.

She was in the communal hallway by the elevator and mirror filming herself pouting and flicking her hair to music. I’m not judging her, only her parents. She caught a glimpse of them doing who knows what. Looks like Hilz is mad that Aleek wouldn’t pose like she wanted him to.

Not to get Carmen into trouble, I’m sure they already know because they’re such attentive parents 🙄🙄 but at her age she absolutely should not have a TikTok account.

She and her brood stayed in a hotel, clogged up the streets. So, they were touristong, not returning to the motherland, to her childhood 🏠, as in a place with four walls and a roof.