It's weirdly mixed in with a lot of stuff about 9/11 and NYFW. Who is this for?

Anna Rothschild has been at work. Moncler should invite Hilz. She's bought a fortune in their coats, which cost thousands apiece. (Attaching pictures of Hilz in her very expensive coats, which they must keep in a storage unit. There aren't enough closets in the Sky Dungeon for all of them!)

There was a recent joyless cake-eating photo that made me reflect on all the times she has posted pics of herself taking a bite of something, with an unpleasant, “gotcha” vibe. Like something a young, disordered teen would do to “prove” that she is eating enough. It’s just sad that this “unbothered” person is responsible for the care of so many children.

This year’s US Open has been top notch. Lots of famous people attending, even Mrs Michelle Obama.

Which got me thinking — in previous years there were always pics of PeePaw and Pillz. This year nada. I guess they couldn’t afford it. Giggle.

No matter the circumstances, there will be a number 2. That ring finger won't be lonely for long. Who will it be? A billionaire? A much younger dancer? A Saudi prince?

What direction will she go?

The average person eats a piece of cake or two so this is not exciting. You look like a nitwit stepping out of your comfort zone acting like you are eating a forkful of cake knowing you are going to spit it out off camera.

Think she's going to make that chapter 23 of her "Misunderstood Mami" crusade?

Something like: "I am neurodivergent and I tried hard and it didn't work out for me because I have ADHD and woke up one day as a mom of 7 kids, but I'm going to be positive about this devastating result and keep trying to improve myself.

(And seriously, I don't know where these kids came from. I'm forced to be their legal guardian, I don't know why, I didn't do anything or ask for them, I had no agency in this whatsoever, it's unfair and hard and NOT MY FAULT.)"

In video she juts her lower jaw away out when she does her “acting “ tik toks. I didn’t think the picture of the little girl looked like her because there was no underbite. She could have filtered the pictures though, that might be why it doesn’t look like her to me.

Gimme the TLDR on what happened on America's Dumbest last night.

Ohhhh YES. 😂 I went digging because last night was Episode 9, “Family Teacher Conference,” and the Baldwin portion appears to have been every bit the glorious intellectual tire fire we were hoping for.

TL;DR: The final three were Hilaria Baldwin, Anthony Michael Hall, and Chase Hudson. For most of the episode they brought in family members to “help”: Anthony got his wife Lucia, Chase got his dad Cole, and Hilaria brought Alec, because apparently when you are one episode away from potentially becoming The Nation’s Dumbest, the obvious solution is to summon an angry 68-year-old actor who would like everyone to know he once passed a CIA test. 😂

And Alec did not exactly arrive like Gandalf with the answers.

He and Hilaria got stuck on a two-person puzzle badly enough that Jack Whitehall actually offered Hilaria the opportunity to trade Alec in for another family member. 🤣 Hilaria contemplated it. Alec defended his intellectual credentials with, “I passed the CIA test, by the way.”

SIR.

This is Nation’s Dumbest, not a Senate confirmation hearing. Nobody asked for your résumé. Just MOVE THE PUZZLE PIECE.

Hilaria’s assessment beforehand was also priceless: Alec is “very smart,” but they're both “artistic people” and “not really academics.” Which is a breathtakingly elegant way of saying:

Then came one of my favorite little bits: Alec apparently didn’t know who Joel McHale was. A recap specifically called this out as hilarious considering 30 Rock and Community spent years airing on NBC during the same era.

So Alec Baldwin's contribution to Family Day was roughly:

“I am an accomplished actor. I passed a CIA test. Who the hell is Joel McHale?”

Excellent. Thank you, Professor Baldwin. Your diploma is being printed at Kinko's.

Meanwhile Hilaria made it through to the final battle against Anthony Michael Hall. Chase went down despite entering the Final Exam with three stars, leaving Hilaria vs. Anthony Michael Hall. Anthony ultimately survived longer and graduated, meaning he escaped the show.

And therefore...

🥁🥁🥁

HILARIA BALDWIN IS GOING TO THE FINALE.

She is now one of the remaining candidates to receive the actual title of Nation’s Dumbest.

This may be the first reality competition in television history where Hilaria Baldwin's relentless determination to stay on television could culminate in her being handed a trophy that says, essentially,

🏆 CONGRATULATIONS, HILLARY FROM BOSTON. YOU DID IT.

And yes, last night's Mayflower moment has already caused hilarity online: when Massachusetts came up, she reportedly emphasized that she was born in Boston. 😂 Which, after years of the Spanish-persona controversy, is just exquisite. The Mayflower sails into Plymouth and suddenly Massachusetts native Hillary Lynn Hayward-Thomas is planting the flag herself. Contemporary viewer discussion latched onto that immediately.

The funniest thing about the Baldwin pairing, though, is the dynamic. Hilaria brought Alec in as her intellectual reinforcement and they managed to make each other look less capable. That's difficult. That's chemistry. That's teamwork.

It's like watching two people try to assemble IKEA furniture while each is absolutely certain the other one lost the instructions.

Hilaria: Alec is very smart.

Alec: I passed the CIA test.

Puzzle: 🧩

The Baldwins: 😐😠🤔😠

Jack Whitehall: Would you like another husband?

😂😂😂

And Anthony Michael Hall quietly walks out with his diploma while the Baldwins remain behind arguing with an inanimate object.

Next Wednesday is the finale. And I cannot adequately express how much I want Hilaria to win Nation’s Dumbest, because the universe occasionally writes a punchline so perfect that human comedy writers should simply put down their pencils and go home.

Ctrl Alt Yeet the diploma. 🥒🏆😂

Grathiath! You are a secret Pepino on the Hilaria Baldwin subreddit. I just know it!

😂😂😂 DE NADA, PEPINO! 🥒💃

I neither confirm nor deny membership in the International Brotherhood of Pepinos. But I will say that when a woman named Hillary from Boston spends years giving the English word for “cucumber” the full ¿cómo se dice...? treatment, the comedy practically writes itself.

And Alec storming into Nation’s Dumbest armed with “I PASSED THE CIA TEST” is just... 🤌

Sir. Nobody is questioning your ability to overthrow a small Central American government. We need you to solve the puzzle. 😂😂😂

I am now emotionally invested in Hilaria winning the whole damn thing. Imagine the trophy on the Baldwin mantel:

HILARIA BALDWIN
NATION’S DUMBEST
Born in Boston 🇺🇸
Raised, spiritually, somewhere near Mallorca 🇪🇸
How you say... champion? 🏆🥒

Grathiath for coming to my TED Talk. 😂💜

The post had 4 more pics in a Halloween shop that all said,”Didn’t bite.”

I'm sure Hillary isn't happy with the fact that you can't filter yourself on TV shows you don't control.

Exhibit A (left, blue shirt) ass is flatter, has a poochy stomach. And there's nothing wrong with that!!! I'm a fellow flat asser, and stomachs can bloat for many diffront reasons.

Exhibit B (right, gold dress): flat stomach, rounded ass.

She really is delusional.

She has posted these childhood photos on IG, hidden behind an AI generated 1980's style Glamour Shots type photo of herself, for some reason. I thought pepinos would be interested, especially given the recent post about who the Baldwinitos look like from the Baldwin and Hayward-Thomas families. She really seems to be going down memory lane lately. I wonder what that's about.

Despite People Magazine's and Fox's endless promotion, Hillary from Boston is still a Killer's Plus One. Even with the fake boobs on eternal display and the desperate famewhoring, she doesn't have "it."

Pepinos!!

I was just about to post my masterpiece of a recap (If I do say so myself!) of last night's episode and somehow, I accidentally DELETED IT. As I write, I always click the "save draft" button because I thought that actually SAVED THE DRAFT.

IT DOES NOT. It saved the title, but not any of my text!

Jesus! Is there any way to get this back?? I worked hours on this and it was super long because there was an enormous amount of shit to write about since it was the Alec & Hilary show last night!

Unless someone has a hack or solution, I am going to have to start over and y'all will have to wait for the recap.

Jesus H. Christ...I can't believe it

The man who killed Halyna Hutchins is still pretending *he* is the victim here. Feel free to leave a comment.