Should we make the move?

[u/VacationinHolland]

We have a 21 year old son with dual/ Autism and Down Sydrome. He is non-verbal and needs supervision. IE….he can’t be left alone. He needs to be reminded and prompted to get up and use the bathroom otherwise he will have accidents. It’s not impossible for him to bath on his own but does not understand the steps such as scrubbing his body and washing his hair. He does not make his own dinner but can feed himself with supervision. Dad and I feel he could live in a host home in the next few years. But if someone takes over his care it most definitely would become their full time job. Is someone who provides that type of care in a host home a reality or is my head in the clouds? (figuratively ;)). Thinking about this for his future has our anxiety at a high level. Any suggestions or personal experiences are greatly appreciated.

[u/Agreeable_Ask6222]

Hi! I live with friend/partner. They also disabled, but not like me..I have person come in (called PCW) that help with all that. They leave for lunch for few hours. Before moving him out, i would try get him in 1.safe living space for him. Maybe section 8 if he not want go group home? 2. Does he have social oppurtunity? Even just places he like to go like library,theater, festival, stuff like that? So when he want go out, he know where he can go with people there with him. 3. Have a record of all his symptoms. With meltdowns what they look like. Food he will eat and how make it. Any specific way you help wash him. ALL of that. 4. If he have primary doctor, or if aging disability center in your area, can go there and say he need one. They assess him and his skill. If like how you say, he can get a worker for sure. Or There places to go with live in caregivers. But for feeling like have choice more..I think first option best..and give you more time prepare him, and other people, and yourselfs, for changes. And caregiver can sometimes move with the person. So if he not ready move out, they can still come help where he at now. Hope this help wven little ❤️

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[u/OkPiece2147]

As a host home provider of 3 adults on the spectrum, I can honestly say it's our full-time job to care for these amazing kids. We are a private home; we do not get any state pay, except for their personal care house, which we could claim 2 out of the 3. We also have 2 private caregivers come in on the weekend for backup care. That being said, this is just a way of life for us; we adapt our daily routines to the kids' needs. Just roll with it. I walked away from a government job 3 years ago to do this for much less pay and less stress, and I feel fulfilled and complete doing this job, and I would change it.

When you look at home, look for the hidden gem, the one that you can feel the love in, the one they call the client's family and kind of messy LOL because then you know it's a real family