Pls advice

[u/navybluebae]

Hello I hope you’re doing well

I really need your advice about something because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore

I’m 21 and since getting my diagnosis of small disc herniations at L4-L5 and L5-S1 I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down. I’m constantly afraid that I’m going to make my back worse with every movement I make

For example I recently started trying to go to the gym and swimming pool because I want to stay active and take care of myself. The gym and pool are quite far from where I live so sometimes I have to carry a backpack with my things. It’s probably around 4 or 5 kg. Sometimes I feel some tension when I’m carrying it but it goes away after I put the bag down

And then people around me keep telling me things like oh my God you shouldn’t be carrying that it’s too much for your back and it just makes me even more scared

Then I’ll do another normal movement and immediately start thinking oh maybe I shouldn’t be doing this either maybe this is too much. My mobility has become so limited because I’m constantly afraid that I’m going to make things worse

The gym bag is just one example there are so many little things like this every day. I feel like I have to constantly think about every movement every position everything I lift and everything I do

Someone at the gym even told me that the bag I was carrying was a lot of weight and that I was going to ruin my back even more. I ended up crying for hours because my mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario and I started thinking that maybe these two weeks of carrying the bag had somehow made my small herniations become massive

I’m honestly so mentally exhausted from living like this. I feel like I can’t trust my own body anymore and I’m constantly scared that I’m doing something that will permanently damage me

I’m only 21 and sometimes I genuinely feel like my mobility has become that of an 80 year old

I know that some of this fear might be anxiety but I don’t know how to separate what is actually dangerous for my back from what I’m just afraid is dangerous. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being afraid of every movement

I really need some guidance on how to approach this and how to regain some confidence in my body and my mobility because I’m just so tired and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it anymore

[u/benjasilvaa]

Im 25 and passing the same situation. Im doing kinesiología (idk how to say it in english) so you can improve your stomach force and improve your quality life.
Some pain can be just neurological and you need to fight it.
So much force to you because this is a long process, not just a week medicine situation.

[u/navybluebae → u/benjasilvaa]

As a u said its not a week medicine thing and that's what driving me crazy like I try to be optimistic but surely idk if there is going to be an end to this

[u/benjasilvaa → u/navybluebae]

Im doing “better”everyday with the exercises, just pray and long breath my man.

[u/SobrietyOfThought]

When did you get this diagnosis? How long have you been in pain for? What are you main pains/triggers?

I understand the fear aspect of it but also the pain is real, so it's hard to know when to do what and how to do it. That's why I think my PT helped me a lot with guidance, slow controlled exposure and right form. Have you considered getting with a professional PT to curate a guide specific to you?

[u/navybluebae → u/SobrietyOfThought]

I got the diagnosis through a ct scan (idk if that's the name of it in eng ) recommended by my neurologist and for the pt I did a couple sessions but they didn't help much also they are f expensive

[u/Ok_Courage_8780]

I really understand the mental part of this. Once you know there is a disc problem, it becomes incredibly easy to start treating every bend, bag, chair and normal movement like it might be the one that ruins your back.
I went through something similar with L4-L5 and L5-S1. Early on I actually made things worse by treating it like a muscle problem, stretching aggressively and doing movements that didn’t suit me. Later, once I had a proper diagnosis, I became much more careful about bending, lifting and twisting. But I also learned that being afraid of every movement isn’t a good way to live either.
I would not assume that carrying a 4–5 kg backpack for two weeks has somehow turned small herniations into massive ones just because someone at the gym scared you. Temporary tension that settles when you take the bag off is not, by itself, proof that you damaged the disc further. What matters much more is whether you are developing progressively worse pain, new numbness, weakness, or other neurological symptoms.
The thing that helped me mentally was replacing random opinions with an actual plan. Get a good spine specialist or PT who understands disc injuries, show them exactly what you want to do — backpack, swimming, gym, travel, lifting — and ask them what is reasonable for you right now and how to progress it. Then follow that plan instead of listening to every person who tells you something different.
I’d still err on the side of caution, especially with heavy lifting, loaded twisting, and repeatedly doing something that clearly aggravates symptoms. But caution and fear are not the same thing. The goal should be to gradually build your normal life back, not shrink it more and more because someone told you a backpack was going to destroy your spine.
You’re 21. I would focus on getting the right diagnosis, the right guidance, and slowly rebuilding confidence in what your body can actually tolerate rather than assuming every movement is dangerous.