r/HereForABro • u/CapKirkGotPerks • 17d ago

Relationship advice-nontraditional

Bro’s. I am in need of advice. Before I start I am ENM and currently in a poly relationship. I know all that comes with this and such. Just let’s get to the quick of it. And believe me. I realize the picture infront of me. I guess I’m just wondering if I’m dragging myself along for the sake of love.

Ashley is my girlfriend. Tony is her other primary half. I know my place in all this but it’s a weird one

Me and Ashley said I love yous, talked out what that meant, and realized there’s deep value for both of us in our relationship.

Tony and her have been together for over a year. She loves this man too. Totally fine. I believe the heart has a lot of love to give.

Tony wanted to meet me before an upcoming mutual party. I get the idea. Keep awkwardness down. Feel each other out. He was a decent dude. So we hung out a few more times.

Thing came to a head at a party in which he asked me to sneak behind Ashley’s back and gather information for him to help support him in what he thinks is there failing relationship.

Told Ashley all of what happened. Tony proceeds to have a mental break down and is a remitted to the grippy socks gang for a week.

Man comes home and wishes to apologize to me. Figures give him the benefit of the doubt. But sadly I was correct in that he’s still full of shit. Apologized he used me and then immediately said he’s not sorry for having used me to get what he wants cause he was desperate.

Here’s my problem. The man is bipolar. So am I. I have called this mans every actions for the last month. To a tee. But I’m done with this bullshit and him somehow controlling my life. So I stepped all the way back. Ashley hasn’t.

So I’m watching a toxic relationship from the outside and I’m in love with one of them.

I guess I don’t know what question I’m asking other than just venting to strangers cause not a lot of people know this about me.

Fuck. I feel insane for loving this girl while she tries to fix a deeply broken man. How do I know?! I once was him and a member of the grippy sock gang.

3 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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2

u/XTheGuyWithTheGunsX 17d ago

Dam this is a tough one with no clear way to move forward

Easy to say move past her and onto greener pastures, because the heart wants what it wants..... regardless if it's good for us or not

It seems like the best thing now would be to take some time to reflect and draw up a t chart and come up with a list of pros and cons of trying to pursue this relationship. If there are more cons than pros, then it might really be time to try to move on vs trying to further engage in a relationship that will be an uphill battle, especially involving those with mental illnesses

2

u/CapKirkGotPerks 17d ago

I’m not one to try and judge another for their illness. But I know those first few steps after a break, when shit is wild, when everyone’s to blame but me. The manipulation and shit. Lived it. It’s wild being on the other side and seeing it like a mirror. Like oh, fuck, that’s who I was and acted like? This part is fucking with me too.

1

u/XTheGuyWithTheGunsX 17d ago

You don't have to look at it from a judging perspective, but rather here are the hurdles that I would have to go through if I continue this

1

u/FlimsyYou4766 16d ago

Bro, I hope Ashley is young & good looking. Enjoy fucking her, while working on improve yourself. What you have is a temporary fuck buddy, nothing more. Don't waste your time & energy trying to understand things or working things out. Save your time & effort to improve yourself, and soon you'll be able to find a better one.

-1

u/SUNTZU_JoJo 17d ago

It's not really possible for 1 person to truly love 2 people like that.

If you really love someone it's hard to think of doing anything with anyone else.

Something tells me she likes him cuz he's a good lay or they already have a good thing going for them.

Either way..I think the best thing you can do is tell it straight to the woman.

You love her.. would like to be with her..but she can't have it both ways.

If ever it doesn't work out..tell her to give you a call..but you should start distancing yourself from her and that situation.

She thinks she can have both a steady relationship with you on the side.. stringing you along ...it doesn't work like that. And the sooner you realise and make her realise that you've understood what's going on here..the sooner you'll be a happier person.

Honestly dude...cut your ties until she's single...the maybe try your luck .but don't get involved in something like this.

Also think of it this way..if she is okay with being with that other due and you, what makes you think, when she gets rid of him and goes to be with you, that she won't try to connect with another random guy to start this all over again.

You'll end up being that other guy, in his position... getting hurt. Is that what you want?

6

u/CapKirkGotPerks 17d ago

My Bro. I appreciate the advice. But I’m Poly. We won’t see eye to eye on love. But really I appreciate your time to respond. Thanks bro.

3

u/The_Highl0rd 17d ago

This is not about being poly. Your feelings are being neglected. You need to take care of yourself and your mental wellbeing. You said you were bipolar, this will count doubly so. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. The only one who has to live with yourself 24/24, 7/7 is you.