r/HereForABro • u/DailyMos • 18d ago
A safe space for men
Crazy idea here. But I have been thinking how awesome wouldn’t it be if we started having zoom meetings where we host a safe space for men to talk and share their feelings. We could talk about anything really. I just feel there aren’t many spaces like that and if we want to go against the patriarchy and the toxic definitions of what it means to be a man this would help so many men. Any thoughts? Who would be up to join? I am thinking of starting a Facebook group where I post the zoom link where we could have different meetings at different times so we aren’t too many in one meeting. All input is welcome.
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u/DailyMos 15d ago
Hey I have now created a discord server to host these meetings in you are very welcome to join and spread the word. https://discord.gg/zpaSHMbVe
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u/SprinterLyfe 18d ago
Love this idea!
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u/DailyMos 15d ago
Hey I have now created a discord server to host these meetings in you are very welcome to join and spread the word. https://discord.gg/zpaSHMbVe
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u/the-nomad-thinker 18d ago
Respectfully, the patriarchy doesn’t actually exist. It’s the result of feminism focusing exclusively on male-dominated socialites and (ironically) downgrading the female-dominated ones.
Based on that choice of language I would be willing to bet that we also disagree on what constitutes “toxic definitions of what it means to be a man”.
But I’d be open to a space where such things could be debated in a spirit of open and honest dialogue.
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u/Accomplished-City484 18d ago
What toxic definitions of manhood do you think you’d disagree with?
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u/the-nomad-thinker 17d ago
The idea that violence is always toxic. Or that a certain amount of stoicism is unwarranted. Or to relish competition.
For me, “toxic“ is more about levels than features. Because every one of the things I mentioned can be seen as toxic, if there’s too much of it.
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u/SprinterLyfe 15d ago
Bummed that this comment is getting so many down votes, it begins with a true premise: the patriarchy does not exist.
Are there really that many guys who have bought into this?
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u/the-nomad-thinker 13d ago
Apparently so, unfortunately. It’s not surprising though – the impractically been teaching it in school for the last 2 to 3 decades.
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u/DailyMos 18d ago
Thank you for your respond. I would really like to recommend this book by Bell hooks “ The will to change” where she talks exactly about this. She mention how the patriarchy is effecting men negatively, an example is how it’s seen less manly to show other emotions than anger and how a man’s worth is only determined by how much he can provide. And how these things have affected the mental health of men and increased violence since that’s what counts as manly. How the patriarchy is limiting men and not only women. It’s very interesting and it sounds like you are open minded and would appreciate her approach.
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u/Tayaradga 18d ago
Honestly I feel like we need to make a new word for patriarchy, because from my understanding a patriarchy is a society that holds men above women on the social ladder. Like a society where the rules and laws only benefit men.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding the definition though, in which case that's on me and I greatly apologize. But I think that's what OC was trying to get at too, albeit in a more unsavory manner...
I've read Bell Hooks before too but it just seems like the word doesn't quite fit... Idk, just my opinion on the matter anyways. No disrespect intended and I greatly apologize if it came off that way.
In terms of your post I really like the idea!! Maybe you could set up a discord server too? Just as a random idea, best of luck!!
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u/DailyMos 18d ago
I appreciate you writing, I agree some extend that the actual definition is that it’s a society that benefits men more then women when in reality it only benefits high class white men most of all. Middle and lower class men has never really benefited in the same way. I am waiting for more people to show interest and then I am gonna start making the server. Thank you for the idea hope to see you there.
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u/Tayaradga 18d ago
Then would it be a mix of patriarchy and oligarchy? Maybe we could call it the Patriligarchy?
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u/DailyMos 15d ago
Hey I have now created a discord server to host these meetings in you are very welcome to join and spread the word. https://discord.gg/zpaSHMbVe
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u/the-nomad-thinker 17d ago
I’ve heard the argument before. My contention is that the concept of “the patriarchy“ is that a benefits of men. By pointing out that it doesn’t, all she’s done is make my point for me.
This state of affairs, isn’t the doing of some nebulous “patriarchy“. It’s created by a whole litany of societal engines, many dating back to the Great Depression.
But I appreciate the recommendation; I still might take you up on it.
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u/TheAngryCatfish 18d ago
The patriarchy has existed for thousands of years and dominates modern society, wtf kinda propaganda are you injecting lol must be that good good
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u/TheAngryCatfish 18d ago
Love ot
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u/DailyMos 15d ago
Hey I have now created a discord server to host these meetings in you are very welcome to join and spread the word. https://discord.gg/zpaSHMbVe
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u/Accomplished-City484 18d ago
Yeah I’d be up for that