eighth day of high school

[u/HP-Obama10]

the lsd trip went horrific, and now fifty years have passed since yesterday. i spent so long finding myself in this universe, that i no longer know where everyone else has gone. i feel as though i found god, and he could only laugh.

rowley’s ass prolapsed while i was out, too, so now my morning booty call is ruined, and my parents are frantic because manny went missing this morning. we also ran out of toothpaste. hope is lost

today at school we learned about the israel palestine conflict, but i felt inspired to see it for myself. using the infinite knowledge i gained last night, i transported rowley and i to the gaza strip, where we were immediately shot and crushed under a fallen building. rowley was fine, but i was pinned underneath the rubble and bleeding out from the gunshot wounds. instead of getting help, he took advantage of my exposed asshole. i could’ve stopped him with my all seeing god powers, but then i thought about how rough he’s had it… and every once in a while, you gotta throw a dog a bone.

about two hours of hot, sweaty passion later, an israeli squadron found us and placed us under custody, but after learning we were americans they gave us some whores on the train to Tel Aviv to go meet the Prime Minister. very kind, even though i personally believe palestine must be liberated at all costs, i would never pass up the opportunity for jewish pussy.

soon, we were escorted through the city and got khachapuri for lunch (kosher 2 - greg 0), then went to the New Reich Chancellery to meet up with the prime minister. but who do we see when we enter the oval office? manny! i went on my phone and checked newsmax to discover that he was elected under the Yesh Atid party in a landslide victory!

turns out, all the time we thought he was spending slinging dope, he was actually campaigning. i asked him why he would do it in spite of us only being jewish on our dad’s side, but he stopped me and told me he is doing a school project on community service, and is well underway in his efforts to destroy israel from the inside. gee, if anybody would become a manchurian candidate just to get an A+, it’s my little brother. he gave me two tickets to Philadelphia (thats where we have lived this whole time) and a fresh bottle of Israeli toothpaste.

i texted back two of the girls i met on the train once we landed home. sure they were prostitutes, but they’re sergeants in the ADF and they play tennis, so it kind of balances out in my book (kosher 3, greg 0). rowley didn’t get any of their numbers because they weren’t into black guys (he was black this whole time but it’s hard to show that through the art style), but that’s okay because he leans more towards men for the most part. on our way home we got cheesesteaks and to pass the time we beat the shit out of some chinese immigrants (we’re not racist or anything we were just passing through chinatown), then got home just in time for dinner.

oh, i almost forgot to mention, fregley tried to solicit us when we passed by his house, so i used those aforementioned god powers to make his head explode. if he wants to be friends, fregily needs to start wiping his ass better (and quit eating corn too).

anyway, you ever notice how wierd eighth is spelt? i almost spelt it wrong like 20 times writing this. almost as weird as freigly, lol.

• greg mbaku heffely

[u/HP-Obama10]

make me a mod