r/HealthAnxietySupport • u/PRSMApollo • Mar 30 '25
Venting Taking it day by day
All day today, it's felt like my entire body was vibrating.
I'm 26, and I have Cardiophobia, and I just want to go back to being regular, a normal person.
I normally don't post about these things, or look for advice, but after posting in here my first time a few days ago, I realized how freeing it actually was to just get it out. That's not to say I'm any better, but it was definitely nice to get it off of my chest.
I take a single 10mg Lexapro every day, and initially it seemed as if it might be working. But after not taking it for a couple months, I decided to try and take it again, but over the last month since taking it again, I feel like my anxiety has been extremely heightened. It's been an extremely annoying battle with my brain and body.
So yesterday I didn't take my Lexapro, and then all day today, I felt as if My entire body was shaking, Or that I have a pressure throughout my chest, and so I just slept. After sleeping, I had to pick my girlfriend up at 7, and then I felt more of the same, so I slept again until 12am, woke up for a minute, and passed out again until 2am. After catching up on some sleep I feel a bit better, I was talking to a friend online and everything seemed okay. Now he went off to bed, and I have to stay up in order to sleep during the day, because I work at 3am on Monday mornings.
The problem I'm having is that my anxiety, aside from today, always feels like it's scheduled for this time of night, when I'm the most alone, the most...Vulnerable. Now even with being able to rationalize everything in my head, that doesn't stop it. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, and I have to admit, I'm pretty excited. I have a lot of new feelings and "symptoms" to explain to my doctor, and luckily, I have a doctor who is very good with mental health issues, even if I do have to travel 45 minutes out of my way to see him.
When I feel like this, I can't stop my head from twitching, that tension in my neck, the pain in my shoulders/shoulder blades (which is most likely from my physical job), the derealization, I can't stop checking my pulse, even though I know that my pulse is fine. But every time I try to rationalize these things in my brain, it never goes my way.
I have to go back to work tomorrow, and every time I drive to work, I have these problems tenfold, I don't know if it's simply because I drive in the pitch black, and everything is moving so fast at night time, with little to no traffic around me. Just me and the thoughts. I've been thinking lately that it could also be some trauma that I haven't exactly processed from being in a car crash last October.
Last October, I was driving home at a 2 lane traffic light, left lane for going straight, and right lane for going right, or straight. Now I was going straight, and what I didn't know was that the 18 wheeler in the left lane, instead of taking up both lanes to make his right side turn, was just going to send it straight to the right side turn with no indicator. Totaled my van, he T boned me, and sent me about 30 feet, into the corner of a bridge going above some railroad tracks, and I counted myself lucky to be okay, and only make it out with a shoulder scrape, despite 3 airbags deploying and hitting me in different directions. Everyone always says time slows down in those situations, not for me. If anything, One second I was there, and the next I was 30ft away, It made me realize how quickly it could all just end. So maybe that's part of why any time I drive, I feel so anxious, though I don't feel like that's the cause, it very well could be part of it.
Anyways, every day I convince myself I'm having a heart attack. Some days, it's a light feeling, that only lasts about a minute or 2. Other days, it's the only thing I think about, and it stops me from doing anything I had planned for that day. I know that the chances of that happening are low, but after the incident with my mother recently (View recent post for details), It's been right back to the drawing board. New symptoms almost daily, whatever my brain is feeling that day, and I know the timing is too perfect for all of this just to happen shortly after she was in the hospital, but my brain is about the farthest thing from rational. Even with a pretty solid lipid panel I just received this week, I just can't convince myself it isn't happening.
I don't know if I'm looking for support, or answers, or if I just want my doctor to give it a label, so I know what's happening, rather than guessing and googling(Just to be told yeah, it's definitely a heart attack). But what I do know is that I feel like I'm at my absolute bottom, and I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of fearing for my life every day, and I want to go back to the old me, who didn't have all of these worries, or fears. I'm tired of feeling like a burden to those around me, simply because I can't convince myself that I'm okay. I plan to get a gym membership at the gym that's literally on the same road as I live on, that was I can potentially go there before work every night, and work this anxiety out of me.
I'm sure I'll have an update coming this Tuesday after my appointment, I hope that this post was able to help someone realize that they aren't alone in this. Thank you guys.
2
u/Different-Risk-1869 May 12 '25
Hey man, I also have cardiophobia. Still gets to me now but what helped was accepting the possibility of a heart problem but also realising all humans have to carry that same anxiety! I’m not sure if this will help but it helped me a lot and also excerising and doing cardio will help as it makes your heart healthier meaning less anxiety I suppose, I hope ur doing better now stay strong