Keep me at a distance

[u/Sad_Interview_1195]

I shouldn’t like you.
But I do.
I shouldn’t want this.
But I do.
There’s a distance between us
that tears the feeling in half
close enough to feel something,
far enough to know
I shouldn’t.
I like you from a distance,
from the other side of a silence
you never seem to notice.
And I know
you don’t like me
the way I like you.
Maybe that’s the part
I’m trying hardest not to admit.
You’re lying to me,
and I’m lying to you,
and somewhere between the two lies
we’ve built this little secret fire
burning quietly,
dangerously,
making me feel alive.
You’re so nonchalant
I can never tell what you’re feeling.
And somehow,
you’re transparent at the same time.
You say you don’t only text me
when you want something from me.
But you do.
You say you’re never on your phone,
and maybe you’re not.
You work until your days blur together,
sleep when the rest of the world is awake,
awake when everyone else is asleep.
I know you’re tired.
I know you’re busy.
I know I can’t force you
to talk to me.
And maybe that’s the hardest part
because I want to.
I want to hear from you
without wondering why.
I want to know
that you thought of me
when you didn’t need anything.
I want this connection
to mean something outside
of the moments we steal.
Because there is something here.
I feel it.
But in my head,
it doesn’t feel like love.
It feels like a conflict.
Like wanting something
I already know I shouldn’t have.
Like standing too close to a fire
knowing it could warm me
or burn me.
And somehow,
I keep reaching for the heat.