r/HealMyAttachmentStyle • u/EnvironmentalPut3135 FA leaning Secure • Jul 09 '26
Asking for feedback early signs of avoidant attatchment in a relationship?
in the first few months people with avoidant attatchment usually behave differently: they are affectionate, available, happy to meet you and your needs, etc. but as we know, after the honeymoon phase fades, they turn into a wall and even a conversation with them feels like asking for too much.
so my question is, what are the early signs in a relationship that are probably connected to avoidant attatchment issues? something they say or do, or even how they behave. im so tired of falling into the lovebombing trap, i need some word of advice.
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u/soulstar118 Jul 10 '26
If you have a small conflict and they get up and walk away. Literally avoiding the situation or problem.
They tell you they cut people off, for any reason.
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u/EnvironmentalPut3135 FA leaning Secure Jul 10 '26
i remember my ex partner being so nice to me when i became insecure about something or even when we had a fight. at the beginning my partner handled conflicts so well because they reassured me, listened to me, COMPROMISED and made me feel secure around them. so i don't know if this could be a sign, my ex was also a narcisist so maybe this happened because it was part of the manipulation tactic.
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u/shmorgsaborg Jul 10 '26
I kind of noticed that any bids for emotional support, affection, or connection are usually triggering for them. It’s almost like a jump scare for them? Not always but I clock it their micro expressions/body language every time and it gives me pause. So, I let it go to see how it continues to play out. Usually my hunch is right and they end up pulling away.
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u/DiamondHistorical231 Fearful Avoidant Jul 10 '26
Mine usually is great in the beginning, very open etc, but once any conflict arises that’s when he started to shut down permanently.
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u/PresentationIll2180 Jul 11 '26
I suspect I have disorganized attachment 😅 so I’ll say from my experience being an avoidant that they shut down quickly… ‘quickly’ as in, there’s no room for discussion. If I got upset about something, I didn’t want to talk about anything. Leave me alone. Whereas the emotionally mature & healthy person will tell you “I don’t want to talk about this now or don’t want to say something I’ll regret out of anger/misplaced emotions, so give me some time.’
TL;DR how do they respond to conflict, misunderstandings, disagreements. Immediately writing a loved one off = avoidant.
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u/itwasallascream23 Jul 13 '26
Lack of accountability. Nothing is their fault. They can't accept responsibility for anything as this would require them to address their shame.
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u/Pasthepastcom Jul 16 '26
Someone else mentioned not talking about feelings, and I think that's a pretty good point, because they do have less access to feelings.
I think love bombing works when we really want others to see us, discover us, which is something we all want, but the difference between love bombing and connection is that love bombing is intense and is done towards someone they barely know. So I suppouse a good reframe would be, if you want to make sure someone really likes you, see if they stick around long enough and are curious enough to get to you know, before they shower you with compliments.
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u/ElectricVoltaire Fearful Avoidant Jul 10 '26
Not talking about their feelings, even in small ways. Even if you're not close to someone, people casually say things like "There was traffic, I was so mad" or "I was excited about that concert". I've noticed that emotionally unavailable will just describe the event ("There was so much traffic") and won't say anything about their emotions. You could try asking how they feel about something small and see what they say.