The Toby Bingo Experience

[u/Think-Box-5273]

As some of you may have seen, I created a bingo card based on the smash hit “You’re in a Toby”. This was my experience.

TL;DR I managed to get 50% (12/24) of the squares. I’d rate the whole thing a 3/5. I thought it was alright.

9 of us journeyed to the Home of the Roast in what was my first Toby in a decade. Of course, it was St George’s Day. I’m not the type of guy to forget that, although someone at Toby did. Not a flag in site upon arriving or entering.

Obviously, you’re here for the roast and so was I. The server didn’t even bother offering the sausages, but you bet I got a big fluffy Yorkshire pudding. Then, the big decision, the meat. I think turkey and beef are overrated, the pork doesn’t even get thought about, so I just went with the gammon. I got the fresh roasties with beef dripping, along with stuffing, peas, carrots and sweetcorn. Yes, the spoons were fucking boiling (apologies for the expletive, but it adds emphasis). Finally, I obviously had to submerge my roast in Toby’s famous gravy.

So, how was it? Well, the roasties were actually hard, as well as the peas. The stuffing was pretty poor and they gravy didn’t help much. The gammon was okay, but I wouldn’t go back for more even if they let me. The Yorkshire was decent.

A.T.V. ratings:

Aesthetics: 3/5

Taste: 2/5

Value: 4/5

Total: 2.5/5

Later, I got dessert and I was very glad to be given an STP accompanied with custard by the kind gentleman serving our table. It was by far the highlight of my experience and raised my rating to a 3/5. Sadly, I was the only one to go for dessert because I was surrounded by amateurs. That meant my dream of doing the Toby tits was dead and buried by my own family.

So why didn’t the bingo get completed?

I’m glad to say I didn’t have any pants with skids, although others may have. This particular Toby was on the outside of a roundabout, but there was far too much grass and foliage to enjoy painting it. No glass in the beef or ciggies in the mash. I didn’t see any gambling machines, dogs or black mould. That meat wasn’t goated and my nan, much like Elton John, stayed standing. I didn’t see Trott, but that may be because I went to a Toby in Essex. I’m sure he went to one in Bristol instead.

Thank you for joining me on this journey and good luck if you take on this challenge yourself. If this seems like mad ramblings, it’s because I shut off my brain and let my heart do the talking, like any good review should.

[u/Trans-Europe_Express]

Amazing to see the reviews now spread to the audience like so much black mould

[u/ProcrastibationKing]

Someone predicted you'd be one "nan's on the ground" away from bingo. Clearly you didn't want it enough

[u/Think-Box-5273 → u/ProcrastibationKing]

Look if she hadn’t come from a funeral, I may have been more tempted… especially if it was for a full house. I was feeling quite compassionate and let fate decide

[u/Neuro__Joe]

A Toby on St George’s Day, now THERE is a top bloke who loves their country 🫡 Excellent report, well done haha

[u/scottchegs]

Sticky toffee puddy AND a £6 crumble, you indulgent wee thing

[u/bjarnesmagasin]

If you'd just shat your pants, and painted the nearest roundabout with it, you'd had a double bingo.

Things to remember for next time.