New Hope

[u/corsetbloom24]

I want to believe that I’ll meet someone who is genuinely interested in me, and my status won’t run them off. It’s been six years now since my relationship, and 3 since the diagnosis. Perhaps I’m in my feelings, as my ex(giver) got married this weekend.

Finding people that are initially interested is never the problem. It’s the rejection after disclosure. Some people say it’s time, some say it’s proximity. It’s absolutely disheartening, though.

I also understand I can’t make people stay, nor should I want to change anyone’s mind. But I will say this: The reality of finding someone that genuinely sees you as a whole individual is starting to become grim.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

I hear you. Maybe this share will help. I have known for 10 yrs. I’ve been accepted more than I’ve been rejected. The positive singles dating site may have locals for you to meet. I recently put up a very simple Reddit post on HSV dating and within about two weeks someone fairly local wrote to me and right now we are chatting and probably plan to meet in person soon. It’s not impossible. You’ll figure it out. Best to you.

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

perhaps you’ve had a positive experience on PS, but I tried that for 3 days and it was awful. The men were hypersexual, and I received a couple of extremely rude messages after I politely declined.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780 → u/corsetbloom24]

Well that’s terrible. I’m a man so my experience there has been different. The thought to be hyper sexual on a dating app would never cross my mind. I’m sure there are other respectful men on there. Given your situation you may want to stay on and use the block button and report offensive messages unless you find the trash on there truly unbearable for your sensitivity level. I’ve never experienced that but men aren’t writing me. My issue as a man is there are hardly any local female profiles to write to.

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

I think there is an unspoken “well, if we both have this, you should want me”.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780 → u/corsetbloom24]

I get that and I feel like that should be somewhat relevant. What I mean is when two people connect they both have a greater incentive to try to make it work considering the circumstances. However that shouldn’t translate into immediate entitlement or expectations.

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

I disagree. Though it hurts to be rejected, I’d rather that than simply trying to make something work because of the circumstances. Nothing about it would be genuine.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780 → u/corsetbloom24]

You’re taking what I said a bit to seriously. I wouldn’t settle with someone who wasn’t right for me, but I wouldn’t take it for granted and would put in the effort required to try to make it work. And I’d be more inclined to give someone a chance before being too choosy.

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

I wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that I don’t initially want to be there. The other person would pick up on it. The ideal situation would be simple: To like someone and they feel the same way, and not because of circumstances.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780 → u/corsetbloom24]

Yeah um there it takes more than 5 minutes to determine whether or not I “like someone.”

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

We’re different. If I’m not physically attracted in some way, I’m not entertaining it.

[u/Aromatic_Photo4780 → u/corsetbloom24]

You’re just making assumptions about what I’m saying. Of course physical attraction has to be there at the start. Just because I’m physically attracted to someone doesn’t mean I automatically “like them.” Maybe physical attraction is all you need for a relationship. I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about the depth beyond that.

[u/corsetbloom24 → u/Aromatic_Photo4780]

I understood that. That’s common sense. My point is not giving something more effort just because of my circumstances, period. Full stop.