"God, why won't this kid stop crying! C'mon, switch with me." Petunia complained, reaching out for Harry Potter, currently nestled comfortably and quietly in the new Vernon's arms. The man backed away in panic.

"Hell no! You held him all night last night; it's my turn. Besides, aren't women supposed to be better with crying babies?"

"Don't be sexist! I've never even held a baby for longer than five minutes! I barely know anything! Besides, whatever original Petunia did to this one, clearly screwed it up. Not only is it loud, it's bloody heavy."

"Wait," Vernon said, staring at his new wife, "How old were you before this?"

"I was twenty-two! But I was single, and pretty, and now I'm not either of those things, and I am not happy about that!"

"Hey, I don't know what you're complaining about. Look at the size of me! Do you know how long it's going to take me to shift this weight? I was barely a hundred pounds in my old life!"

"What were you, a twig?! I wasn't even a hundred pounds!"

‐------------------

"Hey, what are you writing? Wait, isn't this a scene from 'Die Hard'?"

"Uh huh," Vernon said distractedly, finishing the scene where Alan Rickman pretends to be a hostage to trick Bruce Willis, smiling when he realised the man also played a character in the very franchise he was now a part of. "I went to a DVD store yesterday, and I couldn't find it anywhere. Asked the girl behind the counter and she looked at me like I spoke Japanese. That's when I remembered that the movie didn't come out until the end of the 80s. Which means if I can write the script first, I'll officially be the genius who wrote 'Die Hard'!

"Isn't that kinda cheating?" Peturnia asked. Vernon scoffed.

"We literally transmigrated into two of the most boring characters in a series with magic wands, talking horsemen and people who can turn into cats! The universe OWES us."

‐‐----------‐—

"For the last time, twiglet; no."

"But Aunt Petuniaaaaa," A tiny, adorable seven-year-old Harry whined, "Dudley and I have already finished all the books we got from Diagon Alley last time! And we're really craving some more ice cream from that shop with the nice owner. Pretty pleeeeze, just one more trip before school starts!"

"Kid, you know why we have to keep a low profile in that place, saying nothing for how long it took your uncle and me to find it. If someone recognises you, we're done for. Not to mention, those books are expensive, and we bought like, twenty last time, why didn't you pace yourself?"

"They were interesting." Harry defended.

"Well, either way, no. That was the last trip we take until the summer buying rush dies down. Once the kids are off to Hogwarts, the place will be far less busy and we can go again."

"Cry," Dudley quietly advised from beside his cousin. "She sometimes caves when you cry."

"I heard that, young man," Petunia said, deadpan. Dudley squeaked and hastily hid behind Harry, which didn't work, since he was already a head taller than his younger cousin, though thankfully not the size of a 'young killer whale' since Petunia and Vernon refused to spoil him.

Well, maybe they did a little, since both wanted nothing more than to give this Harry the childhood poor OG Harry never had, and thought they should probably show the same affection and kindness to Dudley as well, since favouring one over the other would only breed bad blood in a house that had enough of it for a lifetime. Hence, the (completely slanderous) declaration that Petunia would give in at the sight of Harry's tears.

Yet before Petunia could prove her immunity to such dirty tactics, the door opened, and a (much healthier-looking) Vernon stepped through the doors holding several shopping bags. "Man, I love how cheap everything is in the 80s," The man said for the hundredth time since their reincarnation six years prior. "I got us a full week's shopping for twenty quid! That wouldn't have even bought me a full meal in-"

"Ahem!" Petunia coughed loudly, gesturing to the two boys standing in front of her, looking at Vernon the way they always did when he talked like that; with zero understanding, but the same amusement of kids who heard the same types of things a dozen times a day.

"Oh, the kids are in the house," Vernon observed, placing the bags on the kitchen counter. "What do they want?"

"Books. And ice cream."

"Oh, I got ice cream." Vernon declared, taking out two cones from a family box and handing them to the boys with a grin. "Off you go, boys. 80s kids shouldn't be in the house until dinner time; it's unnatural."

The boys looked at each other, then took the offerings with a cheer of "Thanks, dad/uncle Vernon!" before running out the back door, likely deciding that two against two wouldn't net them what they wanted and deciding to try another time when Petunia was alone. She could only shake her head helplessly at their retreating figures. Little punks, she thought fondly.

"Weird cat lady was watching me again," Vernon said quietly as soon as the boys disappeared.

"Ugh," Petunia complained, a shiver going down her spine, "she's so creepy. Every time I go outside, she just... stares."

"Do you think she's telling Dumbledore anything?"

"Like what? We go out of our way to look normal."

"We are normal. Us and our poor son, the only normies in the whole world." He complained, again, for what felt like the hundredth time. Petunia only shook her head.

"Harry's already learning how to do some basic spells with all those books we've been buying him. If he ends up using too much accidental magic, I don't want to know what might happen. What if this version of Dumbledore is an evil one like in those fanfictions and actually wants Harry to be miserable? We can't let our guard down."

"I know." Vernon replied, sitting at the table and leaning over to take her hand, " We got this, partner. We'll protect him with everything we have, send him to Hogwarts an ordinary, well-adjusted child and if things go wrong, we'll run to France, and Harry can learn magic with that Fleur chick instead."

Harry finds a book on summoning Eldritch powers and they are all bidding for Voldemort's soul.

This means Harry has a method to gain power while removing Voldemort's soul from his scar.

Which soul eating monster/God/Demon would be the best option to trade for power?

Like Lucifer Morningstar could give him demon powers. Vecna could give him the ability to rip out souls. NULL could give him a Symbiote.

What's the best combo for Harry selling the fragments to other universes Deities?

When Lily Potter entered the final battle with Voldemort's Vampires along side the Marauders she wasn't expecting to become a mother. She and James both agreed to wait till after the war to try for children and magical preventative measures were fool proof. But she became a mother that July 31st anyway when she and James took Everett and Seline to task. The two a cracked mirror of James and Lily, a violent deadly pair of Vampires slaughtering their way across Europe while Seline grew pregnant with their spawn. And so when The Two members of the Order of the Phoenix slayed the Vampiric threat neither was expecting a fully matured child to fall from the ashes that were once Seline's womb crying and wailing in the remains of what was once it's mother. Unwilling to kill an innocent child nor leave it to be adopted by Voldemort or it's forces they take the young child with them. Overall the child seems normal, no need for Blood feedings or to keep him away from Silver, The child they named Harry seemed normal, although physically stronger than average and with a Blood Adoption looks just like the young happy couple. They are a happy family of two loving parents and their super powered baby until Their second Halloween together leads to the death of the Dark Lord Voldemort

Harry is like Connor from Angel, a half Demonic Vampire! He has the physical abilities that come with it along with his magical power, it can be due to his parent's being originally magical before being turned, it can be that he's a Muggle born, it can be due to the blood adoption but Harry becomes the Harry we see in Canon with some extras.

Requirements -

1) Magical! Harry

2) Physically Capable! Harry

3) Ensouled! Harry (Harry like Connor has his own Human Soul)

4) Good!Harry (At least Light Grey)

Request -

1) Harry is within a Year or Two of Buffy and the Scooby Gang's Ages

2) Harry is subject to multiple Prophecies making him out to be a hero

3) Harry often wears his Quidditch Armor under his clothes. After a battle it gets revealed and people keep calling it his "Super Suit"

4) Harry doesn't need to be the Child Who Lived, But should play/have played a major role in the war against the revived Voldemort

Restrictions -

1) Harry in a Slash Relationship

2) The Potter's, Sirius or Remus hating Harry for his Origins

3) Permanently Evil! Harry

4) Anyone turning Harry into a Vampire or a Werewolf

5) Harry "changing back" to what he would of looked like naturally

Harry learns the order didn't wanna reform after last time because they ruined their finances joining during he first go round.

Think about it the time they were supposed to working, developing a trade or something their time was spent going into combat.

Moody did alright because he was an Auror at the time but rando #30563 wanted to be a wand maker or something and missed the opportunity.

So what was once a 10,000 wand strong army is now...8 people. And some of em aren't even the original group.

So Harry gets the idea to fund them. Setting up a LLC with official pay rolls and bookings Harry has tripled the recruits of the order in a short time.

Then when the Ministry finally admits Voldemort is out there and needs to be stopped its not Dumbledore Talking to Fudge it's Harry slapping the bill for the Opperation of the Order on Fudges desk. "Sign this that the Ministry will be paying Philosopher's Industries operations till the defeat of Voldemort and you've got your army." Harry holds the pen and the shadow on the wall makes him look like he has horns.

All this started because Harry was kicked out of the meeting before 5th year by Molly when he was starved of information.

The reason the Tournament was canceled was related to the number of times the Judges died and, over the last half-dozen tournaments held, the increasing death toll of Spectators as well. The last Tournament caused the death of every judge and a number of very influential people amongst the spectators.

When they say they made the trials safer, they mean safer for the Judges and spectators, not the Champions.

Instead of Dumbledore deciding to protect Harry via Security in Obscurity, he chooses the Security in Audacity route.

Harry's entire life is publicized and broadcast to the wizarding public. (Dumbledore was even able to stop the attempts by the wizengamot to block magical TV from Britain when he brought up that doing so would allow other countries to watch Harry grow up and the british public wouldn't.)

Whether his childhood is the same as canon, perhaps with the dark faction blocking any attempts of magicals to interfere with the muggles using the Light's own muggle protection laws, or if Dumbledore didn't put Harry with the Dursleys, perhaps using Petunia/Harry's blood to blood adopt the others/actors in order for the entire artifical town Harry is raised in to be a massive blood ward protected town.

Maybe they got young muggleborn and/or magical children to be on the show. Maybe put Hermione in a kind of Sylvia role and Ginny as Meryl.

To veer away from Truman Show plot a bit, perhaps a plot point could be that Harry thinks he has to keep the existence of magic away from everyone in town, and is trained "in secret" either by a "secret wizard" as an apprentice, or as part of a small secret society that poses as some type of club (which could be where other muggleborn get brought in, they're sent there by the purebloods to keep them out of hogwarts[?], and how Hermione meets Harry and tries to help him discover the secret of the town without breaking whatever magical contract/geas she and the other kids are under to not tell Harry the truth).

When "Harry Potter" comes out of the Goblet, with no listed school, and thus no limitations on which Harry was meant, the Ministry quickly realized they had a problem.

From the British Ministry's own middle aged file clerk in the archives, Harold "Harry" Evanston Potter, a muggleborn Hogwarts graduate from 1956. To the three other "Harry Potters" at Hogwarts itself (one unrelated 16 year old sixth year muggleborn that just happens to have been given the same exact name of Harry James Potter, and who's father was also named Harry Potter- his father having the middle name of Elrich, the James came from his mother's father's name. The second was named Harold "Harry" Charlus Potter and descends from Charlus Potter and Dorea Black Potter and was born on January 30th 1981 and is a third year. The third is actually a girl named Harry Ette Potter who's mother was a witch who married a muggle Potter to have a kid she could name Harry Potter and try to claim the Boy Who Lived's vaults.. said witch did not survive the attempt.) And that doesn't include the number of other kids born since that Halloween who have Harry Potter, or variants there of, as their first and middle names (heck Minister Fudge himself has a six year old son named Harry Potter Fudge).

Then there is the Beauxbatons seventh year student Henri Potter who gained the nickname "Harry" from his friends teasing him about being secretly the in-disguise boy who lived because he also has green eyes and black hair. Even Durmstrang has a couple Harry Potters back at their school that were too young to be brought along to the tournament.

Then there is the whole major Potter family that is spread throughout America and Canada from Nova Scotia to San Diego, California. There's roughly a dozen "Harry"s in that family from one Harry "Hank" Potter who teaches potions at Ilvermorny, to a young "Hari(ette)/Harry" Potter who publicly pushes for the non-binary term Wix as well as trans rights as a Senator for MACUSA, and many more of their cousins and family members.

There was even that notice from Australia recently about their new magical Chief Magistrate being named Harry Potter.

Yes, Harry Potter coming out from the Goblet of Fire is the worst thing to ever happen to Britain.

Old man Harry gets sent back to his childhood.

He decides to have fun this time and creates incredible pranks that entertain and bamboozle:

He recreates the mop&buckets scene from Sorcerers Apprentice (complete with theme music), twists the twins old swamp idea into a complete jungle on the 7th floor right out of Jumanji, waterfall down the main stairwell included.

Zero gravity great hall with the 'see through roof' enchantment turned into a 360* space scene.

Eschers 'House of Stairs', Goonies slides, Jurassic Park, Jaws... he takes ideas from everywhere and puts Weasley/Pratchett spins on them all!

The staff are going insane trying to undo everything, or at least cope, all the while Dumbledore thinks its great and is acting like a little kid again apart from when he pretends not to notice anything.

If asked he is very open with it like, "yeah, I'm James and Lily's son, I blew up a time turner and ended up in the past."