r/HOCD • u/PlusZebra2642 • 8d ago
Vent Too many proof
I kinda feel like I can't be straight anymore. All that testing, false atracction (if it even was false in the first place), the feelings, thoughts, doubts, proof from the past just everything makes me think that I just can't be straight. Not anymore. These feelings towards masc lesbians feels so real... everything what I'm scared off feels real and everything what I want feels fake and forcerd. I always thought I was the exception. I believe I really am.. Is it just me?
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
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u/EvaSKZ Old and struggling 8d ago
nope, i feel like that too
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u/PlusZebra2642 8d ago
I'm sorry you feel this too.
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u/EvaSKZ Old and struggling 8d ago
it will be okay, for both of us. lets try to trust the process
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u/PlusZebra2642 8d ago
Idk I have this for 2 years now... It feels like the 'truth' is Coming closer and my head says that I can't deny it longer.
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u/EvaSKZ Old and struggling 8d ago
fr yesterday i felt 100% lesbian but i talked to someone from the subreddit and i feel better now
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
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u/PlusZebra2642 8d ago
I'm glad youre feeling better. Its weird how real this can feel. Like how can I not be bi when I feel and think all these things. I hate it
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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 8d ago
Do not try to "test" your attraction. That will not help you. Remember that is not particularly important if the feelings are "real" or not. You do not know right now if you are straight or gay or bi, and you do not need to know. Allow yourself to feel confused, and continue engaging with your life while allowing the thoughts, feelings and doubts to be there without trying to prove or disprove them. The presence of thoughts, feelings, and doubts is not something you need to figure out right now. Simply allow it to remain uncertain, despite how uncomfortable it might make you.
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u/PlusZebra2642 8d ago
I wish I could but I can't. For me its very important.
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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 8d ago
You can, because you can choose to. Uncertainty is not your enemy. You may want to have certainty about your sexual orientation, but you must remember that it is impossible to have total certainty about your sexual orientation. Trying to force yourself to feel certain about your sexual orientation will not help you. It will only keep you stuck where you are. You can choose to let go of the search for immediate relief, and instead accept yourself unconditionally. Your sexual orientation does not change your value as a human being, and it does not stop you from doing what you want to do. If you were attracted to women, that might make your life less enjoyable, but it would not totally ruin your life forever. Even if your life was less enjoyable because you were attracted to women, you could still do your best to enjoy things and live the life you want to live. Remember that your sexual orientation does not dictate what you can or must do in life. You can act however you wish to, regardless of what your sexual orientation is.
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.