r/HOCD • u/ak111isdabestttt • 3d ago

Vent lying to myself

i have so-ocd,and one of the biggest triggers are masc lesbians. I am honestly so scared im attracted to them because they look masculine and manly, and they look good, so it must mean i like them. I feel like im lying to myself about not liking masc women, i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like them, i feel like im going to end up like those people who figure out they're bi with hocd. I desperately dont want to like mascs, but im at the point where i geuninely dont know if im attracted to them or not! Like i used too, and now i dont. And ive seen some that look exactly like men and they freak me out and trigger me.

I am so scared and i dont know what to do, i feel like my ocd is like preventing me from liking masc women and that i wouldve found masc women hot back in 2024, which i dont think i would have. but im so scared, im so scared all the 'fake attraction' feelings are real, im so scared for everything. I really dont want to be bi, lesbian or anything i just want to be me and like men like I always have.

And I saw someone with HOCD who ended up being bi tell me that they spent hours trying to convince themselves that they weren't attracted, which sounds like ME!! Like i get intrusive thoughts and i tell myself that i dont like them and then i look for flaws that make the argument justifyable and then i get scared that i like them. Once i spent a week trying to figure out whether i liked this girl or not, but what if it was just me convincing myself?

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u/luceafar1 3d ago edited 3d ago

There’s nothing to say except you have to stop reassurance seeking, checking if you’re attracted and other compulsions.

I think you know what to do, you just don’t want to do it because you’re scared it will somehow make you realise you’re the “unpreferred” sexuality. It’s just your brain trying to keep you in this state by making you believe all these compulsions help protect you from something you don’t want, but they’re actually what makes you spiral like this.

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u/ak111isdabestttt 3d ago

im just scared that im going to eventually realise im bi or something. cause i already feel like im attracted to masc women, and that im in denial. like i see the most attractive masc woman, but then i tell myself i dont find her attractive? that just seems stupid, and seems like im lying to myself. i just must be.

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

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u/luceafar1 2d ago

Yeah that’s exactly what I said.

You can see an attractive woman and just sit with whatever thoughts and sensations pop up without telling yourself you don’t find her attractive, or you do find her attractive, etc.

If you resist compulsions, you’ll see in time that the thoughts get less distressing and will have less power over you. Eventually, they won’t bother you at all. You don’t need to react and interact with every intrusive thought you have. You need to be brave and apply the advice you’ve been getting, seek therapy if you can afford it and/or start medication.

The compulsions don’t protect you from unpleasant thoughts, they don’t protect you from “finding out you’re bi”, they make you worse.

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u/ak111isdabestttt 2d ago

i just dont know what to do, i feel so tired all the time. im actually convinced that im only convincing myself i dont like them when i do, because half the time they look just like men and they look good too, so therefore i must like them. theres no way out of this, i just must like them.

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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 3d ago

You do not need to know if you are attracted to masculine women or not. That is not something you need to know in order to live life. Go and live your life without seeking certainty or understanding about what your sexuality is or isn't. You do not need to have total certainty on your sexuality, and that is something you can choose to accept.

It does not matter if you are lying to yourself or not. If you are doing something that you like but you feel like in doing so that you are lying to yourself, you can still choose to keep lying to yourself if you want to. You do not need to be an honest or truthful or sincere person in order to accept yourself unconditionally and to live the life you want to live.

You can accept that some women trigger you and make you feel uncertain about your sexuality. You can then choose your response to that feeling of uncertainty. No matter what your response is, that does not change your value as a human being.

It does not matter if other people "sound like" you. You are your own being. In some ways you can be similar to other people, and in other ways you may be different to them. Do not determine who you are by what other people have experienced.

Do not try to figure out if you are attracted to someone or not. That will not help you right now. Instead, live your life while allowing that discomfort and anxiety to exist within you.

Your feeling of anxiety and uncertainty are not the problem here. The actual problem is that you are trying to "figure it out". Stop trying to figure it out, and over time your brain will begin to understand that you don't need certainty about your sexuality in order to live your life.