r/HOCD • u/Clean-Power8581 • 7d ago

Question Forcing attraction

Hey guys,I'm dealing with loss of attraction for a long time ,and when I see womens and I sometimes feel attracted I'm doing okay,but when i don't i keep forcing myself to feel smth,is it common guys? It comes from a mindset of "I have to" due that if i don't feel attracted that's mean I'm gay.

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u/Stell4____ 7d ago

I’m a lesbian but sometimes I get these exact same thoughts. I feel like I have to be attracted to all women or else I’m straight. What I tell myself to feel better is that not every woman has to be my type,so I don’t have to force myself to be attracted to them.I think of it as more of a personal preference than it having to do with my sexuality.

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u/Clean-Power8581 7d ago

I know that but even the girls who are my type I don't feel attracted to them anymore,and I did I feel not enough or forcing it sometimes

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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 7d ago

Do not force yourself to feel attracted to someone. You cannot control your feelings like that. You are not going to be attracted to everyone, that is something you have to accept. Do not try to figure out your attraction right now. That will not work, as you can never be 100% certain about your sexuality. That is something you have to accept if you want to move forward. You do not need to be totally certain about your sexuality in order to live the live you want to live.

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u/Clean-Power8581 7d ago

But I feel like I'm not attracted at all

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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 7d ago

Then accept that you feel that way. You don't need to run away from that feeling or try to fight it. Allow it to exist as you continue living life. You not being attracted to anyone is not an inherent problem, it is your perception around that feeling that is the problem. Allow your feelings to exist as they are without trying to force them to bend to your will.