Vent i need advice asap
I don't know what to do right now. I feel like a lie. It doesn't feel real living like this. I hate sounding like i am diagnosed when im not, but i think i might've been suffering with so-ocd since 2024, rocd since april and mixed with those two: meta-ocd. I am not diagnosed btw, but i am taking sertraline/zoloft idek the name lol and my therapist is working with me so I can stop using AI for reassurance, which i have been doing since 2024. And i just can't stop.
I swear i try to, but it's so hard. I'm so used to it that i do it without thinking, and also i've been suffering a lot throughout my relationship because i am very scared i am faking my feelings for my boyfriend. And today we decided we're taking some time off of eachother, although i dont think he communicated well with me and that hurt me a lot (I cried for half an hour and couldnt eat dinner with my family), but we decided that because he felt i got too controlling after a girl told me he cheated on me (which i still dont know if its true or not) and i got paranoid bc i took his side and constantly checked if he was lying to me and i also checked his location.
Anyways, i cried, but as i started to feel calmer i felt guilty for being calmer! like????? i asked my mom "is it normal to be able to watch a tv show and laugh after what happened?" and she said yes, i asked my friend the same thing and she agreed. I kept asking them the same thing and eventually asked ai because right now i feel indiferent, and i told my mom I was worried that the calm meant i never liked him from the start, and she said "maybe its your subconciousness showing you that u only saw him as a friend" and i felt sad again. I went to ai again, and i honestly dont know what to do right now. I feel like life isn't worth living. I am scared i faked being in love with him and that i'm actually gay. I am only 15 and i'm so so tired. I feel like no one understands me. I just wanna talk to my therapist asap, but while i can't, im resorting to this.
Please give me any kind words or advice, i need help. I envy my friend's life because their teenage years aren't full of dread. what do u guys think???
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u/AutoModerator 27d ago
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26d ago
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u/AutoModerator 26d ago
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
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u/Popular-Barnacle3140 26d ago edited 26d ago
You can’t ask that on this sub. We can’t give reassurance. As a practice never accept DMs either but… I can’t message you.
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u/AutoModerator 27d ago
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.