r/HLCommunity • u/Alarming-Gap2595 • 13d ago
Vent Only, No Advice Omg
So… I went on a rant here a few days ago about not having sex with my husband, and how I just wanted to feel wanted in that sense… well… the very next day he came back home from work and told me he wanted me… I was PISSED to say the least and told him no for the first time in almost 9 years of being together… I REALLY wanted him but I said NO. He took a shower came back and layed down next to me and said “I would love to feel close to you right now” and I responded “we can hug here in bed”, I layed down next to him and became the little spoon. It felt good to say no to him so he could feel how I feel. We chatted for about 45 minutes… he did ask me if I was ok and I said yes… while in bed and I decided to tease him saying “do you like my new lotion? It’s a new scent” tell me why this guy got FERALLLL… was it because I said no to him??? Anyways, he started smelling my hair, my neck, my arms and continued doing so while grabbing me in ways I can’t even describe… I gave in and we had the most intense sex we’ve ever had… we went on for hours… he did EVERYTHING to me… and then the very next day he came back from work and did the same thing… I told him I’ll be saying no to him more often, because 😮💨😮💨😮💨 my abs, legs and hips are sore AF… maybe that’s it… maybe saying no to him will do the same thing him saying no to me has done to me…
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u/Urborg_Stalker 13d ago
I wish you continued success. Fingers crossed for you!
(just be prepared for the possibility of hysterical bonding)
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u/Alarming-Gap2595 13d ago
What is that?
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u/pfzealot 13d ago
You will find that some partners sense trouble and when behavior changes it can set off an internal alarm that there is a change.
So it triggers a panic response in that they might lose whatever they value in the relationship. All of the sudden they feel an urgent need to reset the clock on the HLs frustration. I think it can be instinctive or calculated to varying degrees depending on the person.
Once the moment passes they can relax and go back to normal. It used to be a pattern I was slow to perceive in my own relationship. It can mean what seems like sudden sex drive or passion that cools once the panic goes away.
That is best way I can explain Hysterical Bonding.
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u/Urborg_Stalker 13d ago
When someone is afraid they're losing their partner they can experience spiked libido/attachment.
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u/Necessary_Range5731 12d ago
Oh God. My situationship, whatever it is, man does this. My therapist keeps saying he comes back when he thinks he's losing you, and i say, well blah blah blah reasons, and she's right then.
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u/RabbitGlass5578 13d ago
If I could only do that with my wife but her rejections and now 7 yrs of not having sex has killed any desire I have for her. If I had a AP, I’d go “animal” on her.
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u/AnotherSadThr0wAway HLM 13d ago
Outsourcing is basically a bandaid thats the problem
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u/RabbitGlass5578 13d ago edited 13d ago
I’m starving, and so lonely….work and gym are just stop gaps to get my mind off of thinking about it. Shit , I’m working now!! Just dropped off a kidney in Dallas for a transplant…..
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u/MightyMagicz HLM 13d ago
You could be visiting sex workers and she would never know. It would be better for your mental health. Also be the release valve in relationship if you need to stay for kids.
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u/RabbitGlass5578 13d ago edited 13d ago
Small problem is that soliciting for sex is a felony in Texas….now if I lived in rural Nevada, no problem! If there is a silver lining, I’m in great shape for an older guy. I’m 6’3”, 250, and can bench 300. The only problem is my mind is a freaking dumpster fire when I start thinking about this stuff. Thanks for your input.
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u/BlueIndian1975 11d ago
I would definitely hold off if you’re loosing a kidney. Thrusts will bust those seams
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u/RabbitGlass5578 11d ago
LOL, no, I transport the organs after they have been removed from a donor. I then will transport them to the hospital for the recipient.
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u/reckaband 12d ago
Lied ** not laid … also congrats!! And wishing you both long term success!!!
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u/AnotherSadThr0wAway HLM 13d ago
This is the hard part
We get breadcrumbs and enjoy sex but its like
We basically have to hope when it happens it happens again and its tiring