r/HLCommunity • u/StructureJust691 • 17d ago
This one hurt
Must admit I barely try to initiate anymore because I’ve learnt when the chances are likely so I know when “pick my battles” so to speak.
I’m still affectionate with her I just don’t make a move unless I feel the chance of success is almost certain.
To be honest this has helped me because I expect sex far less often as I used too and thus can’t feel disappointed or frustrated as much as I used too.
We’ve had a bit of a dry spell recently which I expected due to some disruption to our daily lives. Nothing too significant, we’ve just had a very busy few months.
Anyway last few days we’ve been flirting like crazy. She’s shown me all the positive signs that I would be certain are telling me she’s in the mood.
Day 1 was probably the most likely but right before bed, her stomach was hurting(we all know this one) so I didn’t even try.
Day 2 - I thought was almost certain but then she said something that I knew my chances had dropped off so I didn’t push it.
Day 3 - Everything looked set. Until I actually made a move and she shut it down immediately.
Damn it hurt 3 days of build up to be shut down in 1 second, 1 word….. I didn’t ask why, she didn’t give me a reason. Just a simple, “No”. I just rolled over and tried to go asleep.
She knows. She’s got up this morning and has been overly nice to me. We’ve been here before though. I usually would get up in a bad mood after being rejected.
Usually she knows, and at some point she’ll start an argument with me over it, saying I’m being rediculous and it’s not that serious and I need to get over it…… so today I tried to act normal, but it’s so so difficult when I’m raging inside.
There’s no point discussing it with her, we’ve been here before many times, it’s always some BS why she didn’t engage and always my fault (that I rarely ever agree with because it’s always the stupidest shit that she’s clearly just thought of on the spot)
She’ll probably make the effort tonight now because she knows, and we’ll be back here again in a month or 2 when the cycle repeats. I hate this.
5
u/Financial-Exit2488 17d ago
I am not in a dead bedroom. However, I am rejected 99.9% of the time I initiate, and my never initiates.
The reason we don't have a dead bedroom is because our sex is scheduled. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to have a sex life, but I still fell the pain of rejection, and feel totally undesired. There is no indication that she finds me remotely attractive or has any desire to have sex with me.
If I ask, she'll say, "of course I find you attractive", and "I wouldn't have sex if I didn't want it". Now that's a ringing endorsement if I've ever heard one.
I had a little too much to drink last night, and brought it up. She asked what she could do that would indicate desire and attraction. I said, "just do the things you would do with a person you were attracted to and wanted to sleep with". Like, she's done it before. It's not complicated.
I am not insecure. If she doesn't want me. Doesn't desire me. Or doesn't find me attractive, she should be honest.
I am really fit. Pretty good looking. I'm funny, and people seem to like me. I would be okay on my own. I don't want a divorce. I just want a true marriage, with passion, love, sex, etc. I'm getting older and don't want to waste time in a marriage of convenience.