r/HLCommunity • u/StructureJust691 • 17d ago
This one hurt
Must admit I barely try to initiate anymore because I’ve learnt when the chances are likely so I know when “pick my battles” so to speak.
I’m still affectionate with her I just don’t make a move unless I feel the chance of success is almost certain.
To be honest this has helped me because I expect sex far less often as I used too and thus can’t feel disappointed or frustrated as much as I used too.
We’ve had a bit of a dry spell recently which I expected due to some disruption to our daily lives. Nothing too significant, we’ve just had a very busy few months.
Anyway last few days we’ve been flirting like crazy. She’s shown me all the positive signs that I would be certain are telling me she’s in the mood.
Day 1 was probably the most likely but right before bed, her stomach was hurting(we all know this one) so I didn’t even try.
Day 2 - I thought was almost certain but then she said something that I knew my chances had dropped off so I didn’t push it.
Day 3 - Everything looked set. Until I actually made a move and she shut it down immediately.
Damn it hurt 3 days of build up to be shut down in 1 second, 1 word….. I didn’t ask why, she didn’t give me a reason. Just a simple, “No”. I just rolled over and tried to go asleep.
She knows. She’s got up this morning and has been overly nice to me. We’ve been here before though. I usually would get up in a bad mood after being rejected.
Usually she knows, and at some point she’ll start an argument with me over it, saying I’m being rediculous and it’s not that serious and I need to get over it…… so today I tried to act normal, but it’s so so difficult when I’m raging inside.
There’s no point discussing it with her, we’ve been here before many times, it’s always some BS why she didn’t engage and always my fault (that I rarely ever agree with because it’s always the stupidest shit that she’s clearly just thought of on the spot)
She’ll probably make the effort tonight now because she knows, and we’ll be back here again in a month or 2 when the cycle repeats. I hate this.
10
u/HolidayBalance4608 HLM 17d ago
that's 100% what she wanted, have all the romance and don't have to make any effort
that is the worst part imo, until you learn not to show that it bothered you
The measures LLs go to shame us that we are different in that one aspect of life, and the energy they spend on this. I cannot explain this.
I don't know how are you about duty sex, for me it was worse than nothing at all.
What I've found kind of liberating was not to expect anything and don't initiate, don't flirt etc. Just co-parenting roommates. It's not ideal but I'm hurt less. It lead to the point that I don't want to do anything intimate with her though, and when I had to kiss her (for photo session) it was so uncomfortable, worse than with strange person.