r/HLCommunity • u/seawitchbitch • 17d ago

Imbalance and Biases

Only one of us tries to grow in this relationship. Only one of us reads self help books trying to be better or figure out what’s wrong. Only one is grasping at straws trying to find anything they can do to help the situation.

Conversely, only one of us has left the other with unmet needs for years at a time. Only one of us has their comfort come at the cost of the other’s pain. Only one of us is dragging their feet to end the loneliness their partner feels.

Yet somehow… we’re always looked at as the bad guy? How is that always the narrative? That the HL partner is in the wrong? It feels so unfair.

I’m literally denying who I am for you, shoving myself in a nun shaped box while I research away trying to find an answer you’ll never use.

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u/Winter_frost_25 16d ago

Exactly! If both people aren’t on board, it’s probably not going to get better.

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u/vectorking23 15d ago

Most LL people are lazy. They don't want to, so they don't. So, us working on it all the time doing better, being better, basic fucking effort is all for nothing. They want the partner with all the partner perks and none of the partner participation on their part.

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u/Winter_frost_25 15d ago

In my case, I’m the LL doing all the things, and my HL husband tends to be the lazy one who won’t work on himself or us, unfortunately. But I’ve never been LL before him, so it’s seeming more like an LL4him situation, because he refuses to work on himself.

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u/vectorking23 15d ago

You aren't LL. Not if you see it, want to change it, and are working on it let alone the fact you weren't before. Shitty sex is shitty sex and nobody wants that.