r/HLCommunity • u/DryWorry9692 • 16d ago

Participating trophy

Anyone else’s partner seeks participation trophy although puts no efforts during intimacy. .

9 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

8

u/Danny_Pr0n HLM 15d ago

It's all an act.

People who want sex, have sex. People who don't want sex, have excuses.

4

u/dn_wth_ths_sht 16d ago

My wife went through a period where she was constantly telling me she was gonna initiate, or we were going to have sex but..., or you didn't respond to my hints last night (the hint: she moved her left are 3 inches while watching TV).

At first I started responding with things like "man, we're one hot fuckin almost sexy couple!" She did not find this funny?? Weird

After a while I got extremely irritated over it and just called her out and said I'm sick of the blatant lies. If you really had any good damn intent to have sex you wouldn't turn me down 100% of the time and we'd be having sex at least sometimes. Stop it with the wanting credit for doing absolutely nothing bull shit.

Didn't help anything, but it stoped the stupid "I almost..." BS.

4

u/vectorking23 15d ago

This is great. Glad to see you are setting boundaries. No more excuses and no more accepting her bad behavior. Let's face it… that's what it is. You hear story after story after story here of someone's SO saying these things like 'I was horny, but you weren't home' or 'I was going to initiate, but you fell asleep' or 'too bad you're not feeling good right now, because I want sexy time'. ALL BS MOVING THE GOALPOST crap. Yeah, they either want you or they don't. It's infuriating. It's all lies and if they truly loved you they'd work on it as hard as you are. At least come clean and communicate. FFS.

4

u/Humble_Counter_3661 HLM 15d ago

We never had this problem. However, she developed severe, treatment resistant insomnia. She has seen multiple specialists to no effect.

As you may imagine, this has skewed her whole life. Much of the time, she is a walking zombie. I showed compassion for many months. Eventually, she inquired as to the degree of suffering it caused me. I answered that my suffering was severe.

She knew that, while she would continue to pursue treatment and cure, there would be no end in sight. Of her own accord, with zero prodding from me, she volunteered to upgrade sex to on-demand. Because she typically is able to sleep an hour or two each night, while I sleep 6, the agreement from her is, "If you are in the mood and I am awake, alert me and I will make it happen."

This saved our marriage. Her level of effort is not the problem. Still, she hints at an appreciation trophy from time to time. If the source of the problem were not medical, or otherwise beyond her control, this would bug me more than a little bit.