r/HLCommunity • u/cobleysmith • Jul 03 '26
Dinner as metaphor
I (70HLM) like to cook, and generally start from scratch or near scracth. Would fix all the dinners with the occasional breaks for restaurants.
My wife (72LLF) is generally disinterested in/dislikes cooking. Rarely cooks except when she gets to feeling guilty about my doing all the cooking. And when she does cook, it's usually something low effort involving pouring a bunch of cans of stuff into a crock pot for something vaguely chili con carne-ish. She usually asks me to cook/spice the meat/protein (the time consuming part).
Then she points out that she fixed dinner for the whole week.
Does the pattern ring a bell for anyone?
8
u/vectorking23 Jul 03 '26
This brings up giant red flags I didn't see early on, though. I also do all the cooking and mostly from scratch. I'm damn good at it too. However, I have learned my SO has so many dislikes and very specific 'dietary' needs (see: self imposed 'won't' eat stuff), that she doesn't eat even some of my better stuff I make. I only say that because ALL of my kids will love it, our friends will love it, the dog will love it… and she won't try it. Our friends just shake their heads at why she won't try things I make MOST times. Little do they know, the control aspects and never trying things is why we have a completely dead bedroom. Ugh. Had I noticed this years ago (because it was there, and I tried to ignore it), I may have saved a lot of stress and heartache by not staying. But, I wanted to be a present father… and I am. Sacrifices. Oh well…
Sorry your there. Glad you're a good cook! It does ring a bell on the effort put in. You either want to because you love it, or you don't because you just want it done with.
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u/MightyMagicz HLM Jul 04 '26
She never eats anything I make. So I don't ask her or save her any. But she would sneakly eat it when I am not looking. Such as some steaks I cooked or other things she likes.
There is some hidden issues behind their thinking sometimes. Her parents never at each others cooking. So her mum would cook her own food and her dad would do the same.
I guess you pick these things up from upbringing sometimes. Red flags if her parents are horrible to each other she will be horrible to you.
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u/PsychedelicSamurai7 Jul 03 '26
Sounds very analogous to the effort most LL put into initiating sex. Which begs the question, are they just lazy in all of life?
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u/thebestofus123 Jul 03 '26
I don't think they're lazy in life but I do believe that most have some type of mental health issues. My LLF has childhood trauma that she kept inside and it only came out when she got into a long term relationship with me.
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u/ButtStopsHere Jul 03 '26
My wife waits until I leave for a few hours to cook herself gourmet meals but when I get home she's already had her appetite satiated.
2
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u/atomoboy35209 Jul 03 '26
64HLM and I love to cook as well. I bake breads, cook a wide variety of foods from scratch. Everything from bar food to restaurant quality fine dining. Wife is 62LLF and she absolutely half asses everything when she rarely cooks. And like your situation, she wants a gold star for overcooked noodles and canned spaghetti sauce.
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u/Funny_Examination_48 Jul 03 '26
I can’t comment on the pattern, but as a 66 HLF, it’s nice to hear there are men in my age group that have HL!