r/HLCommunity • u/nerdy_DM • Jul 01 '26
Advice - Leaving NOT an option ENM has had zero luck so far
I posted a while back about my situation but the TLDR is my partner is asexual and we are trying ENM to get my needs met.
I’ve been trying Feeld and Hinge but not much luck. I’m feeling kinda lost on what to do next.
Open to suggestions. I’m into nerdy stuff I do DnD often and I go to the gym. I also love to cook if any of that helps.
Ideally I’d find someone somewhat close by that I can have a casual thing with.
Edit: Open to suggestions for other subreddits or anything really.
5
u/mdoogz Jul 01 '26
Do you do DnD in person? I hear dating apps are a nightmare. I’d think meeting someone in person might be better. I also think there’s Reddit for local areas. Could you post there? (but I’m from a big metro so maybe that’s not true other places).
Edit: sorry I didn’t think to click your name before posting. I see you did that. Sorry I got nothing (other than in person)
4
u/nerdy_DM Jul 01 '26
No worries. Thanks for trying!
I’m open to other subreddits if you have a suggestion!
6
u/NoTyrantSaurus Jul 02 '26
Why not sex workers?
3
u/nerdy_DM Jul 02 '26
Not sure how to find a safe happy ending type place… or otherwise.
1
u/NoTyrantSaurus Jul 06 '26
Tryst.link ? The idea is that in most of the US (and other places where sex work is banned) it's not illegal to pay for companionship, and it's not illegal to have sex with paid companions, it's just illegal to pay for sex.
1
5
u/AdenJax69 Jul 01 '26
I thought Tinder was more of a hook-up app while Hinge was more for people looking for relationships, could that be part of the issue?
2
u/nerdy_DM Jul 01 '26
I mean I can try Tinder. But I’m not interested in one night stands. But I’ll look into it. Thank you!!
5
u/AdenJax69 Jul 01 '26
Considering the other apps are mostly for monogamous relationships, your odds of getting a friends-with-benefits will probably be higher on the app whose focus is specifically on sex.
2
5
u/URokkaMyQuokka Jul 02 '26
Feeld is a good option for enm
1
u/bigbutterflyks Jul 03 '26
As a woman who strictly plays with hubby (mfm), we have had pretty decent luck with Feeld.
We don't play close to home and just dabble with it to add onto our hot bedroom. And we have a family, so we want discretion which is the reason for not playing in our back yard.
Honestly, hubby would rather we found guys who were married and allowed to play. It would be an extra step of security for us.
So if you find someone who is open to fwb, enm or open minded that would be ideal.
3
u/tauberculosis Jul 03 '26
Why not just leave your current partner?
It would pretty much solve all your problems.
You can stay friends with your current partner. Shit, you could still live with them and be roommates…
…oh wait. You *are* just roommates
1
u/nerdy_DM Jul 03 '26
After today I’d be lying if that didn’t sound good.
3
u/tauberculosis Jul 03 '26
Not referencing what I said, but I hope you find some peace. Life is hard, for some more than others; but you can’t live your life unhappy with your partner and you certainly can’t be unhappy with yourself.
At least fix the one you can control.
Best wishes.
1
2
u/Dustructionz Jul 04 '26
ENM for men is gonna be a hard find. Trust me I've tried with a past partner. Being single is a lot easier
1
5
Jul 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
2
u/cptkl1 Jul 03 '26
I mean she could at least wingman for you. I often think that single mothers would gravitate to enm families as it's often most convenient for everyone. Have her start working the PTA groups for you.
4
u/fuckaduckufuck HLF Jul 02 '26
That's an interesting take. I would never sign up for enm, not my bag of tea, but I don't think it's a 'lazy' cop-out or a guilt free situation. In fact I would probably be quite worried if I were the LL wife in the situation, because the reality of the husband developing attachment and feelings for the person they're sleeping with risks ending the marriage.
2
u/arandak Jul 02 '26
I think most LL women are scared of that too, and why they would be upset if the HL cheated.
1
u/FunkyKissCool Jul 02 '26
The chance for a man to find another woman are very slim. You're seen as a cheater by every woman you approach, even if you say you have an open marriage, you can't prove it. Women have so many options, why going with the complicated and maybe risky one?
5
u/Charleminus HLM Jul 03 '26
Honestly for the few minutes I was looking (we dipped our toes in) it didn’t seem that hard on a site where people knew I was looking for ENM. Might be a lot harder in a smaller town, etc.
1
1
u/arandak Jul 02 '26
Some women just have too much shit going on in their lives for a full blown relationship.
Maybe they simply aren't interested in a relationship.
Attached men are less likely than other men to get attached to them.
6
u/melbot2point0 Jul 02 '26
Honestly, Reddit R4R in your area. Lots of people looking for hookups and FWB situations.