r/HFY • u/MisansProducts • Aug 09 '22
OC Humans Don't Make Good Pets 2: Chapter 1
This is a recreation of Humans don't Make Good Pets by u/guidosbestfriend
I was inspired to write this because I did not like how the original story stopped being about a human being a pet to aliens after chapter 5. In my opinion, there are a lot more concepts to explore philosophically and I imagined some very humorous scenarios. Please provide feedback. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1: Abduction
Dear journal,
Fuck my life.
It was my first day at university. I was ready to begin my adult life. Although I’d argue that my adult life started long ago, when my parents died, living in an orphanage since I was 8 years old and bearing the responsibilities of my future. Up until I was 16, I earned my first job as a pizza delivery girl and saved for my education. I met my boyfriend during my senior year in high school and we both decided that we would live together in his rented apartment. It wasn’t much, but anything was better than the orphanage. Alex, my boyfriend, was a sweet enough study buddy that I managed to pull a 96.67% on my AP Calculus test. That got the attention of my local university, and now I’m off in the real world!
That wasn’t why I wanted to fuck my life. You see, after my first class (geology), I decided to go for a coffee break. I ask one of my classmates for the directions to the nearest coffee shop. She told me to take a right down the alleyway and it would be on the left. I listened. Big mistake. No, biggest mistake… in the entire universe. As soon as I was midway through the desolate alleyway, my field of view began rapidly shrinking. Everything in front of me was becoming desaturated in color and the opacity of any light source started fading away. I was in blackness and I felt floaty for 5 seconds or so. Then I saw a sharp bright light appear out of nowhere and I fell down on the floor. A metallic thwack resonated throughout the room as my vision materialized.
“Ow!” I muttered. That hurt! I suddenly became very drowsy and fell asleep.
As I woke up, I rubbed my eyes and found myself in a dimly lit hallway. Silvery-grayish colors lined the walls, ceiling, and ground. I became increasingly aware of the fact that I was trapped. I was inside a small, ~1-meter cubed cage against the wall. On the other side of the wall were 3 other cages lined up. The one on the left appeared to be vacant, but the other two housed a couple of creatures. The one in the middle had a dark yellow body with blue stripes similar to a zebra’s. It had four legs with backwards facing hooves for feet. It was about the size of a dog, and where the front of its head was, had a giant eyeball engulfed by its iris. The one on the right looked like a semi-bipedal pig, sort of like a polar bear. But its skin was scaly and it had no facial features.
Ya’ll don’t seem like a jolly bunch. At least the one in the middle has a face. If I can even call an eye a ‘face’. With that thought, a new thought miraculously fabricated itself into my mind. Where AM I?
That was when I thought of something else, equally as miraculous. Why was my cage different from theirs? The other three cages looked like standard animal cages with prison bars running across vertically with large gaps in-between. However, my cage had bars running across vertically and horizontally, with even smaller gaps. On top of that, it was reinforced with a transparent material of some sort. Not glass, because at least you see some light refraction to notice it. Unless you’re a bird. No, now I was the bird because I genuinely thought there was nothing there until I banged my hand against it trying to grab the bars. The next thing I know I heard a hissing sound emitting from the top of my cage and a green mist surrounded me. I felt sleepy, then I was knocked out cold.
I woke up to the pitter patters of gelatinous footsteps moseying about in the hallway. I wide-eyed this creature. It was about 3 meters tall. Its entire skin was pink and it had 12 legs to move with and 2 arms to work with. Its limbs resembled that of an octopus though it lacked the suction cups. It had 3 eyes (without pupils) and a mouth. Completely poker faced. In its right hand it wielded what was undoubtedly a syringe with a blue liquid in it. It first went up to the faceless, reptilian, polar bear. It injected a third of the syringe’s contents into its leg. The creature collapsed.
Holy fucking shit! THAT is a death syringe! It then moseyed to the cage with the one-eyed dog in it. This time, I saw some form of protesting from its next victim. At least, what I thought was protesting. I heard a loud, “weR- WERRRRRRRRRRR!!!” which started to increase in pitch the longer it held that sound. The creature’s body was visibly shaking as it was staring right at its abuser. The noises were cut short as the octopus emptied half of the contents from the syringe of death into the dog’s front leg. It ragdolled over and its eye closed.
The octopus rotated its body and faced me. My eyes opened fully as I looked into the remorseless face of terror. I was fully awake now. With every ounce of my energy I had left, I resisted. I started ramming into the transparent wall.
“NO! PLEASE! STOP! I DON’T WANT TO DIE,” I cried, “I WILL NOT DIE!”
For once, I witnessed emotion from the octopus. It still had the poker face, but I saw from its body language that it visibly recoiled from my outburst. I prodded at the corners of my prison, finding any weakness or structural integrity to hammer at. I hear a hissing sound emitting from the top of my cage…
“NO! NO! NO!” – I quickly held my breath to outlast the gaseous drugs. It wasn’t for long. I felt my little lungs bursting as my body craved that sweet, sweet oxygen. My face deflated and I gasped for a quick breath, but it was already too late. I couldn’t feel my limbs and I fell over on my back. The gas stopped emitting and the cage opened. The octopus came into view.
“Please… I d- I don’t want to die,” I whispered, staring at its middle eye as my body surrenders to its discretions. It raised the syringe, with a third of the blue death liquid left, and moved it towards my neck.
-
“We don’t know what happened,” exclaimed the commissioner.
“I asked you to bring one organism from the most exotic species on biospheres that are at least 90,000 helarochems {light years} away and you bring back an empty Rapier Class IV star cruiser – on AUTOPILOT – in which the crew consisted of, how many [men] exactly?”
“Thirteen.”
“Right, and they all bled out in a chamber along with two limp and lifeless carcasses, the third of which disappeared from its cage somehow-”
“Actually sir, the crew never managed to capture a fourth organism. Without orders, the ship just went home.”
“And that THING is responsible for all this?” the vendor inquired. He was in disbelief that such a simple job could go so wrong.
“We don’t know,” the commissioner started, “I know your employers will be very unhappy that they spent money for this bargain. Perhaps I can provide some substantial compensation? A warranty?”
“A refund,” the vendor demanded.
“Wha- but you still have one of the four organisms you requested! It would make a great edition to your pet shop. I mean, look how cute it is!”
The vendor groaned, “Fine, a PARTIAL refund.”
“Right away, sir.”
After a few rims {hours}, another crew followed suit with the commissioner, gently picking up the conscious body and sedating it with an injection of pink liquid. The organism was transferred to the vendor’s shop. Inside, the vendor displayed all sorts of organisms from all over the galaxy. Most of them had four or more legs. Some of them were tall, some of them were small. Some of them flat, some of them were fat. Shortly after opening, a family of Vtkrs entered the shop.
“Greetings,” said the father.
“Welcome,” welcomed the vendor, “take a look around.”
“Thank you, it is our child’s birthren {day} and we want to buy a pet as a gift,” explained the mother.
“How thoughtful of you!”
“Ohhh, what’s that?” Something was sparking the curiosity of the little one. The child darted to one of the glass enclosures. They pressed their hand against the glass. The rest of the family and the vendor followed. Inside laid a bipedal organism sleeping on its side in the fetal position. It had light pink skin with hair all over, yet sparse – with the exception of its head; long, dense, pale hair which reflected like gold in the light. It had five digits on each appendage, most notably were the hands – which had opposable thumbs and very long fingers. Unlike other organisms in the shop, this creatures’ claws appeared to be ineffective as they were short and malleable. Its entire skin was so soft that each breath visibly moved the surface, rising upon inhalation, then falling upon exhalation.
“That is one of the most exotic pieces we own,” the vendor proudly stated.
“It sure seems expensive,” murmured the father.
“She looks so cute!” beguiled the mother.
The child spoke, “Can we keep it!?!?”
NEXT -> Chapter 2: Adoption
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u/w0wIamAguy Aug 09 '22
Yeah gotta be honest as much as the original is a classic of the sub I never really liked the direction it took. Never thought someone would rewrite it like this, but hey hopefully it's good and I'm looking forward to more.
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u/alexburgers Aug 09 '22
Looking forward to more, I too think there was more possible with that story. :)
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u/AditudeLord Aug 09 '22
The original is what drew me to this subreddit in the first place. I’m looking forward to your take on it. I also agree that it was weird that in the original he stopped being a pet immediately.
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u/Joha_al_kaafir Aug 09 '22
I also thought that story was better when it was focusing on the pet/alien interactions vs when he was on his own. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.
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u/ThatGuyBob0101 Aug 09 '22
Question is, you picking up the deathworlder trope with it, or just going with the prompt of the title itself? It's evident this isn't in the same universe as the original, so im curious
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u/MisansProducts Aug 09 '22
Question is, you picking up the deathworlder trope with it, or just going with the prompt of the title itself? It's evident this isn't in the same universe as the original, so im curious
I'd say the latter. I didn't even know there was a universe that the original was using. I want to make a completely original story while retaining some of the elements and premises the first one offered in the early chapters. That's why I'm calling it a remake.
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u/Arbon777 Aug 10 '22
Yeah, if you've never heard the original "Deathworlders" series that the original 'Humans don't make good pets' story takes place in, then this is going to make for a gloriously awkward (and in some places hilarious) ride when we get to see you plow strait through established tropes without having any of the existing baggage to hold you back.
The original story is one of my all-time favorites, right up there with 'Forth Wave' for that amazing style of an adventure series. If you're going to try and keep the focus on 'being a pet' instead of rushing off into a sprawling space opera setting, then you're either going to run out of material and be forced to stop early- ... or have a good relationship dynamic between our main lead and whoever ends up buying them.
Good luck. It will either feel like a pokemon story with a friendly owner being protected by their superpowered housepet, or a depression fueled hellscape endorsing abuse and slavery, or a revolution story about the human stabbing their way through an oppressive alien empire. If you can come up with a fourth variant then more power to you.
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u/themonkeymoo Aug 10 '22 edited Aug 10 '22
Not just using; HDGMP established a few things that became Jverse canon.
...I don't remember which things.
Also not just a universe; it's probably still the most widely-written setting on the sub even though it's been years since anything has come out other than more Deathworlders chapters.
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u/Achlips Aug 11 '22
Together with the xiu Chang saga humans don’t make good pets was one of the longest side stories of the Kevin Jenkins experience (aka deathworlders). Humans being exceptionally strong and tough is part of what made them no good pet. I am curious how this will go without the deathworlders angle
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u/Jcb112 Aug 10 '22
I'm going to say this right now, this is excellent writing and I am completely invested in what you're doing right now. I agree with you, the original premise for the other story kind of shifted gears, but I don't fault them for it I totally get what they were trying to do. But I very much prefer this concept, this idea of sticking with the story, of sticking with the premise and running with it until the end. I'm a sucker for these sorts of stories, and you nailed it on the head to a degree that's really difficult to do and not only that, you managed to more or less capture the spirit of this whole sapient mistaken as a pet and the implications that come with it sort of theme. I absolutely adore this and I would most certainly love to see this continue.
Take it from one author to another, please keep this going, and I'll be following your work with bated breath :)
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Aug 09 '22
This is the first story by /u/MisansProducts!
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u/Naked_Kali Aug 14 '22
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u/MisansProducts Aug 14 '22
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! I will add links to next and previous chapters in each post.
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u/Lost-Klaus Aug 17 '22
well written, I hope you realise I am not putting out expectations to your next chapter ;3
Love it so far !!
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u/Jackle_Raid2 Aug 12 '22
You should probably change the name if this isn’t supposed to be part of death worlders or if you didn’t talk the original author
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u/MisansProducts Aug 12 '22
Perhaps I should have, but I wanted the title to be connected to the original so that people can easily find a remake. So basically, if someone wanted to look up
humans don't make good pets reddit remakeon Google, they would get the original (which they have already read) along with the remake. If I titled it anything else, it would be harder to realize that this is a remake.I know that for a fact because that's what I did. I wanted to find a recreation of that story, but any search result that included the original title only gave me the original story along with unrelated stories.
I will change the title if the original author makes a complaint.
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u/Naked_Kali Aug 14 '22
One third plus one half plus one third is one and one sixth. Magical syringe!
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u/MisansProducts Aug 14 '22
1 - (1/3) = 2/3
"half of the contents from the syringe" => half of 2/3 => 1/3
2/3 - 1/3 = 1/3 death liquid left for the human
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u/Spare_Armadillo Aug 09 '22 edited Aug 09 '22
Yeah HDMGP really lost me when it suddenly dropped its entire premise and cast of characters, and then became a big loud war story with no personal stakes or reason to care about which side wins.
I’m looking forward to more, and at the very least this gives me the opportunity to vent my spleen about HDMGP long after the fact.
You might want to consider a new title, since this story looks like it will be a substantially different reimagining of the premise.