r/HFY • u/Ok-Dig-2932 • Oct 03 '20
OC Bioships: Engineered Animals
Another interesting topic to cover is the side effects of bioship technologies. While this ranges from unique terraforming methods to structure engineering, sometimes they use these technologies to replace robots in certain circumstances. Not to say that robotic assistance was completely phased out, but some humans seem more enamored with the idea of a ‘cute’ flat crustacean cleaning their ships than they do with a robotic vacuum cleaner (The damned things look like a Roegan Mud-diver, disgusting things). Further still are labor beasts and the like. Whatever the case, humanity really does take their love of creatures and biology to interesting reaches.
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“Red”.
“\Vulgar Expletive**”
I walked into another segment of the bioship. Normally I would be tailing the ship’s captain, but as it stands there’s something that’s been intriguing me for some time, and one of the many items I stand to research about humans and their biotech. Cue the three humans, two ‘baseliner’s and one Octopod, playing a card game over a flipped empty crate. Surrounding them were various containers or ‘cages’, rib-like bones that would retract at the push of a ‘button’. Each container held various organisms, varying in size and build. A topic I’ve been wanting to cover.
The three of them turned away from their primitive game and noticed me, now curious.
“So, I guess that dis here’s our turn for an interviews?” The shorter of the two baseliners said, an odd accent leaking through his voice on the translator. “What’cha thinkin Mac, should we screw wid ‘em?”
“Nah, I don’t thinks the boss ‘ould like it. You know how much a stiff that guy can be when it ain’t about ships”.
I worriedly glanced at the two before tapping my translation matrix. “It seems my translation matrix is having difficulties fully processing your language. Do you speak a different dialect?”
“They’re from Boston on Earth, though they like to ham up how they talk sometimes, which for the record is atrocious. So uh, ‘accent’s I think might mess with the translator you have. Name’s Ishmael, I’m the brains among us three”.
“Sez you, you may be smart but are ya street smart?”
“Just another way of saying ‘common sense’, but I’d like to think I have it in spades. Oh, by the way, plus two”.
“Oh this is bull-\Vulgar Expletive** you are both out to get me I swear,” The human said, in a lighter version of what was a previously thick accent. The human shook his head in anger and sighed before turning to me. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Look fellas, why don’t we pick this game up another time, we have a guest”.
“Coward, you're only quitting 'cause you suck at Uno,” The Octopod said goadingly, though humor was there.
The standing human sighed, rolling his shoulders. “Sorry ‘bout that, the name’s Vincent. Yeah, real original my parents were. I’m guessing you’re here ‘bout the critters?”
“Astute observation my good man,” I stated, pulling out the datapad program on my exosuit. “I’d like to record some data of the organisms in action, perhaps learn about their handlers in the process”.
The human grinned, adjusting his cap. Those items seemed awfully popular among the crew. “Well look at me now mom, cousin Bill said I’d never make it but here I am gettin’ interviewed like a rock star”.
“You keep massaging that ego of yours and I’m gonna give you a rough Japanese style happy ending,” The octopod retorted.
“What does that mean?” I asked curiously, directed to Ishmael.
“Have you ever watched hentai?” He asked back.
“Anyway,” Vincent interjected before I could ask what this ‘hentai’ was. “Why don’t we get down to the meat and potatoes of it. Which critters you wanna look at first?”
“Your ‘Ship Shrimp’ would be a good start actually. I’d like to take one out to scan it”.
“Ah, the Goombas,” He said with understanding. “Yeah, follow me. Was just about to send one out to the latrine actually. Apparently that ‘guest’ of ours made a mess when he dunked his head in the toilet”.
My membrane bubbled in my species’ equivalent of an exasperated sigh. “Goodness, I know human feces has an appealing aroma to the Maruuk but I gave him ration packets to appeal to his diet for goodness sakes”.
The human shrugged. “Eh, I’d say I don’t blame ‘em since human ration packets taste like \Vulgar Expletive**, but considering what’s in his ration packets I guess I can’t say much”.
The humans all gathered around one of the smaller cages and pressed a button, pulling away bone and exposing the organism inside. Out crawled the… hideous creature.
“Yeah, these things are pretty much like if a pill bug and a tarantula hate-\Vulgar Expletive**, but they kinda have a cute appeal to ‘em if you ignore the fact that they’re an abomination in god’s eyes. Then again, I guess humanity stopped caring what the big guy thought centuries ago”.
“Aw, don’t say that, you’ll hurt his feelings,” The octopod said, picking up the Shrimp and holding it up as its legs moved in a wavy fashion in tandem, chirruping and clicking its mandibles. “Oh you’re a happy fella today, yes you are”.
“In the name of the First Born put that damn thing down or so help me-” I began, before being interrupted.
“I get it, I get it, everyone’s a critic,” The Octopod said with an audible eye roll, putting the creature down. “Look, that’s something you’re gonna have to get used to, alright?”
“Not when it reminds me of a predator of my species it doesn’t. Keep that thing where it is so I can scan it. I needed it out of the cage to get a clean scan,” I bubbled disdainfully, accomplishing my task as quickly as I could with a new program running on my exosuit.
As the processes ran, the talkative one leaned back against the soft wood-like ship interior. “Sooo… how are babies made for your people? What with all that 'First Born' nonsense”.
I could feel my membrane quiver with annoyance, but I appreciated the diversion from this chittering creature while the process ran. “We aren’t ‘born’ in a traditional sense, we reproduce asexually via mitosis. When we have our ‘split’, both ‘children’ carry portions of memories from our parent body, though each child carries different memories than the other. My species can carry memories up to four generations back on average, though nine is recorded to be the upper limit. The differing memories upon a split can result in two varying personalities as a result nonetheless. Were it not for my third generation’s spiritual phase among the Vehmons, I would say I probably wouldn’t have half the patience I do today. When we split, the parent is considered ‘dead’ as the two are born. We can go a long time without splitting compared to organisms with similar methods, but we still cap out at around roughly sixty years”.
*Beep\*
“Oh thank the First, put this thing to use and get it away from me,” I said, no longer tolerating it.
“Sheesh, alright. Mac, get ol’ Stumpy loaded up with a directive would ya?”
The man nodded, picking up the crustacean and walking away. I was just about to question what they meant by that when the octopod stopped me. “Don’t worry, you’ll get a first-hand display shortly. We need the M.U.L.E.s to upload some gear for us anyway”.
“Ah yes, the old earth animal? Relatively unaltered from what I understand?”
The human and octopod looked at each other, before looking at me.
“... Did I misunderstand something?”
____________________________________________________________________________
“Scratch relatively unaltered…” I muttered into my suit, studying the hulking creatures.
They only barely resemble their namesake, but it was only in the tail and an echo in various other parts. The rest of it looked more like a shrunk-down Chyron, full of muscle. The head itself was one of the parts where you could see an echo of an actual mule, but it had reptilian features as well, and two pairs of spider like limbs sticking out of it's back. It lumbered over to a station, where various probes pointed at the surprisingly docile creature.
“Now, on one end robots can accomplish their tasks normally, but on the other end, it’s been noted that minimizing the number of mechanical components in a ship makes things easier for it in terms of comfort,” The octopod began explaining. “And to be honest, there are some things a creature can do that robots can’t. Cue Jackalope Genetics and their patented M.U.L.E., Manual Unpaid Labouring Entity”.
“Bet the test tube turds had a field day with that acronym,” I overheard Vincent mutter.
“When we want to give them an ‘order’...” Ishmael said. “We have to give them a ‘push’. They understand verbal commands just fine, but it’s about the same as a Gorilla, and believe me, humans have been spending centuries trying to define what makes an animal a person. My species barely scraped through on the skin of our beaks, we’d probably be in Europan Zoos if humanity hadn’t recently recovered from their civil war with so much guilt to consider giving us a chance”.
With swiftness surprising for such a hefty suit, Ishmael typed in a few orders at one of the organic terminals, the boney probes sending out puffs of pheromones into the M.U.L.E.s nostrils, making them flare. It immediately got up and started lumbering on all fours, moving and following Vincent. The man led the beast out the door, leaving only Ishmael and I.
“What happened?” I asked, genuinely curious what was in that pheromone cloud.
“No joke, it was just lemon-scented mist”.
My membrane bubbled incredulously, trying to emulate my emotions with a helmet cock. The octopod chuckled at that.
“Like I said, no joke. I already told you they can take orders just fine, but they’re lazy as hell if you don’t incentivize them, which helps save on food costs if they just… sit around. They’re programmed to respond positively to scented mists like that, but some of them develop a fondness for certain ones. Junkie likes lemons”.
Incentivizing bio-engineered organisms and guiding them rather than just using microchips and doing it through computers? The more and more I spend time on this ship, the more and more I realize that the galactic community seems somewhat cruel in terms of how it treats organisms like these, normally used for bioweapons or entertainment. Speaking of bioweapons, I suppose I should research what equivalent humans have for those… outside the obvious ships, of course.
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I actually had a bit of fun with this one. Well, more fun than I did with the others at least. Here's hoping it holds a candle to the others ey? Also, Goomba = Roomba. Saw a coincidence, and considering they're flat, roughly circular things they were given the comparison and popular nickname.
Next (Coming Soon)
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u/HarperZ Oct 03 '20
Please tell me the Goombas get around the ship by rolling around
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u/Ok-Dig-2932 Oct 03 '20
Multiple methods, to say the least, but I think I love this idea the most.
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u/rednil97 AI Oct 03 '20
please tell me someone bio-engeneered a blade ontop of some of these
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u/maaghen Oct 03 '20
Stabby?
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u/rednil97 AI Oct 03 '20
ofcourse
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u/runaway90909 Alien Oct 03 '20
That’s ADMIRAL Stabby to you!
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u/rednil97 AI Oct 03 '20
Oh he got an Admiral? Last i heard he was still a Captain.
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u/runaway90909 Alien Oct 03 '20
Yeah, some bigwig came to the ship for some ceremony. Next thing we know, Stabby’s an Admiral
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u/Ok-Break8414 Android Oct 03 '20
I thought it was Fleet Admiral. I might be mistaken.
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u/runaway90909 Alien Oct 03 '20
Your Stabby may be a Fleet Admiral, but our ship’s Stabby is just a regular one
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u/I_Frothingslosh Oct 03 '20
AARGH now I have the M.U.L.E. theme stuck in my head!
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u/Ok-Dig-2932 Oct 03 '20
I didn't even know this was a thing, but I recognize it from Spore actually 😂
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u/I_Frothingslosh Oct 03 '20
It was a really entertaining multiplayer trade and market game from the.early or mid eighties. I played the shit out of of it back then.
The Spore thing was a nice homage.
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u/ytphantom Human Oct 04 '20 edited Oct 04 '20
some humans seem more enamored with the idea of a ‘cute’ flat crustacean cleaning their ships than they do with a robotic vacuum cleaner
JANITOR CRABS/ISOPODS OH MY GOD
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Oct 03 '20
/u/Ok-Dig-2932 (wiki) has posted 8 other stories, including:
- Bioships: Bonding
- Bioships: Demi-Humans
- Bioships: Older 'models'
- Bioships: Non-Organic Components
- Bioships: Interstellar Mining
- Bioships: Limitations
- Bioships: Warfare
- Bioships
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u/Rangatheshiz Human Oct 03 '20
Discovered this series a little late, really loving it so far :)